Saturday, December 29, 2007

One Last Hurrah (For Now)!

Well, Sylarkins thinks its about time for a bloggin' hiatus; with not much new goin' on in my life, it's hard to keep an updated diary lol! But I'll still be posting on Burnt Toast Diner, so look for me there! Anyways, before I go into hibernation, I have one more song for you! A compilation me 'n Petey did together called "Let Him Kill," lol!
This = Me singing
This = Peter singing
This = Both of us singing

Oh the Sylar outside is frightful
But the brains are so delightful
And since we've no reason to live
Let him kill, let him kill, let him kill!

He doesn't show signs of stopping
And I've got some skulls for the lopping
My life isn't worth a bill
Let him kill, let him kill, let him kill!

When I finally turn to men
How I'll hate defacing your hot bod
Well you better kiss me then
You're dead and I've still got your rod!

Well I am slowly dying
Your brain's tastey, I ain't lyin'
As long as you get your fill
Let him kill, let him kill, let him kill!

Lol. Unfortunately, Petey's not dead. This is just his like, fantasy! Well, with that, I'll say toodles! Don't worry, I'll be back! And remember to look for me on Burnt Toast!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Writer's Strike 2: Scab Sylar!

After my silly standoff with the Pres. of NBC, I scampered off, like a cute, fluffy, homicidal, brain-eating squirrel, off to destroy the writers themselves!

After a few shopping stops on the way (I like, had to look my best for every murder. After all, the first impression is the only impression for peeps I kill, lol), I made it to the writer's strike picket line!

I stepped up to the line. This was going to be easier than I thought! These writers were sicky gross! Like a cockroach with Herpes! The strongest, most fearsome kind! It was like, totally obvious why these peeps were like, behind the scenes! Look!

Eeek! I know, I was like, totally skerred too, OMG! But I knew what I had to do! I went up to this thing, 'n like, shook my hot butt in front of his face!

"What are you doing?" it asked.

"Lol! I'm turning you on you sexy, sexy man! And you can get a whole lot more if you start writing my favorite shows again, like 21 Jump Street!"

"Uh, I'm a woman."

A woman?! OMG, no! My like, whole plan was foiled! Well, time for plan B! Murder!

"Super mind trick, activate!" I shouted, like, totally activiting my mind trick. But before I could kill the freakish gross cow of the man beast, I heard a voice shout!


OMG! It was totally my nemesis! Well, my nemesis from my lost post anyways, lol! The Pres. of NBC! He had...ZOMBIE POWER! :o

"Sylar, don't do it! His brain is virginal and stringy! It'll give you indigestion! I was wrong. You are Sylar! I want you to write for Heroes! Come up with some new whacky adventures for...yourself!"

"OMG! So you're saying I'm NOT Zachary Quinto? Who am I then?"


I giggled at him. "Nope! Not good enough! Say it the right way!"

Zombie Pres. sighed. "Do I have to?" I nodded. "Fine. YOUR NAME IS SYLAR!"

"Boom," I giggled. "Well, I guess, I could be your scab or something. There's just one more thing!"

"What's that?"

Well, I have to say, I was getting hungry, lol, and that was kinda the "one more thing." I tore open his skull, and reached for his brain.

"Um, Sylar? You already ate it."

"Oh yeah, lol! Fine! I'll write for you! Even without stealing your super cute zombie powers!"

I was happy! I was going to be a writer! This was like, cause for celebration! I put on my Santa outfit and went out to celebrate!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Writer's Strike! (Pt. 1)

OMG! All my favorite shows, like, aren't on anymore! And it's all cause of this darn writer's strike! The OC! Melrose Place! 90210! All not on because these poopyheads won't write! Well, I'm a writer! I thought I'd go to NBC headquarters and demand them accept my writing talents or like, die, lol!

So off I went, to see the President of NBC himself! I was like, totally surprised that I got in without much of a hassle, 'n could frolic around the elegant NBC grounds freely!

I was a little disappointed because, you know, killing people's fun 'n stuff. But anyways, I got all the way to the President of NBC's office, 'n wouldn't have had to kill any peeps, but I was hungry, so I tore out a few brains 'n had lunch on the way, lol!

The Pres greeted me with a warm smile. I had never been smiled at once before in my life! Well, I like to think that my hunk Mohindy has, but then I think I may be lying to myself. Anyways, he shook my hand, hard, like a man! He frowned as he shook my limp grip, lol, but I've gotta be ladylike!

"Zachary! What brings you here? You know we have no work to give you with the writer's on strike!"

I was, like, totally confused! "Zachary?" I asked, "No, my name is Sylar," I said calmly, but with slight sexy anger.

"Hahahaha!" the President guffawed like a pregnant donkey! "Good one, Zachary!"

"My name is Sylar," I said again, my anger rising!

"Ok, Zachary, let's not beat a dead horse, here," the President said, with a small laugh.

Well, I had no idea what beating a dead horse had to do with anything, but it totally sounded fun! Hmmm, maybe horsey brain tasted good? I'd never tried it! I'll have to sometime, lol! But I was getting ahead of myself! I had to get things straight about my name. "MY NAME IS SYLAR!" I shrieked womanly, pressing my hands against imaginary glass between me 'n the Pres 'n drooling rabidly! It was not pretty, but necessary, lol!

"No, Zachary. Your name is Zachary Quinto. Sylar is a character you play on TV. Sylar doesn't really exist. He's the Jessica to your Niki, if you will."

"How do you know Niki?!" I shrieked like a clubbed Nancy Kerrigan!

"She is a creation of NBC, Mr. Quinto," the Pres said evilly! He was like...Walt Disney or somethin'!

I was goin' crazy! Was I just made up?! A split personality of some unspecial, unsexy loser actor? It couldn't be! Well, there was only one way to find out, I lifted a finger to his skull, ready to use my mind trick!

"What are you doing, Zachary? Trying to use telekinesis?" He giggled at me! "Go ahead and try."

"I will!" I shrieked! I close my eyes and used my mind trick! I was expecting the Pres to be right! I was expecting to open my eyes and see him there, laughing at me!

Well, I opened my eyes...and found a dead Pres with half his skull cut off. Lol! I guess Sylarz do exist after all! The only problem...was that I was supposed to demand that the Pres make me a writer, and now he was dead! Oh well, I guess I'd have to go to the writers themselves! Uh oh, the Pres' brain was starting to ooze out! 'N I had just eaten a full meal and was like, totally full!

I wrapped up the brain in a doggie bag (I always keep a few on me for such emergencies, lol), and went off to find the writers...

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


The whiney sexy Maya was like, dead! Mohindy came back! He gave me my powers back! He didn't love me. But he was about to be dead too! And then I'd love him! But like, Maya was alive again! OMG! So, like, things didn't go totally according to plan, but the most importantest part is that I'm back to my watch making, boy watching, brain eating self, lol!

I injected myself with Claire Bear blood, and as I did, I totally felt the power of the cheerleader flow through my blood or something! I knew I could totally let out the cheer of rabid, bloodthirsty cheerleader! And that made me happy. I like, tested my power on a can or something! Success! All that was left was, like, a live test subject or something! And Mohindy had prolly already run away like a lil boy who likes to pretend to be a girl and gets made fun of as a youth but ends up growing up to be an insane cereal killer who kills the make-funners. So I just like, decided to use my mind trick against the first thing I came across, lol! And in NYC, what else would that be but a crack head? Lol!

I saw this guy around the corner. He looked totally icky, and a big reason I like, haven't been able to kill these smelly hobos is because I don't like to get my dainty hands dirty. And now I didn't have to! But I didn't want to kill him out in the open. So I tied a penny to a string, and threw it out in front of him to lure him into my alley of villainy or something!

"Crack money!" said the crackhead, lol.

He reached over to grab it, but I tugged on the string! He like, ran to get it again, but I tugged again! He kept chasing it into my alley until I pulled it to me and picked up my penny, smiling evilly and sexfully at the smelly crackhead!

He looked at my pitifully with his sexy, bloodshot crackhead eyes, and I didn't think I had the heart to do it! I mean, it's been like, so totally long since I've been a bloodthirsty cereal killer! I hadn't even killed anyone in like, forever! Except for Candice. Oh, and that random guy that rode with us in smelly Maya & Alejandro land. Oh, and sexy Alejandro. Oh, and Maya. But she doesn't count, 'cause she's alive again and I like, was totally planning that! I definitely was! So how could I kill this cute lil crackhead with so lil recent killing experience? Three people in a few weeks?! In used to be like, three people in a few minutes, lol!

It was then that it happened. The crackhead puked on my cute new shoes. "NOOoooOOocoOOOooOOOoooOOOoOO!" I shrieked! My super mind trick was put to use, and it like, worked like a knife going through cement, lol! I chopped the top of his head off and tore forth his brain and sank my teeth in! Oh, like, sweet, tastey brain! It's been so long since I've tasted your tastfully tastey goodness! Well, this one wasn't so good. It kinda tasted like crack or some junk. But it was brain!

And now my adventures will continue! I feel like my addiction to crack...I mean, brains has totally returned! I will continue eating, brains, until my hunger for power and crack...uh, brains, has been satisfied! Until then, I will hopefully be able to post weekly (on or around Tuesday) about my brain eating adventures and other stuff! If I forget a week or two, don't fret, I'll return! So now, off I go, in search of some nice, tastey, powerful crack!

Friday, November 30, 2007

A Showdown of Sylarz!

Future Sylar and I stood in a showdown, him ready to tell me a horrifying truth!

"You're straight," he said. "There's nothing you can do to prevent it. You're as doomed as an ninth grade boy in drag trying out for the cheerleading team!"

"I'm, like, as doomed as myself?"

"Oh yeah, that was us, wasn't it?" Future Sylar mused.

"Yeah, I should totally go and kill that cheerleading coach 'n all the lil girlies on the team one day."

"Already did it," Future Sylar said with a smile.

"OMG, yay! You're so super cool!"

"You realize that we're like, in a showdown, and that I'm going to kill you and steal your man so I can become Sexy Sylar again, right?"

"But...if you let ME have Mohindy, then won't you like, never be straight in the future, considering I like, fixed the problem in the past?" I asked.

"Silence, cur, lol! Logic is not the way of the Sylar! Now, you must die!"

Future Sylar raised his hand, ready to mind trick the heck outta poor me, but I shouted, "Wait!" Future Sylar looked at me. "I'm not straight! You're not straight, either!"

"What are you talking about? I'm no longer Sexy Sylar. I'm Pimp Sylar! Oh, the tragedy!"

"No! You're not! Think about it. Our love for Mohindy, lust for Petey, the sexiness of Mr. Glasses. That doesn't just go away! Maya on a man's body? Come on, Future Sylar! We're like, totally bi!"

Future Sylar stared at me in silly silence, lol.

"If I was straight," I continued, "how come you're the sexiest thing these eyes have ever seen?"

Future Sylar lowered his hand. "Ditto. You're like, totally right!"

It was then that we were suddenly on a beach! Future Sylar had illusioned us! Like, hella awesome! We ran in like, slow motion towards each other thanks to Future Sylar's time abilities! If only we had slow motion bouncing boobies, it would be totaly complete! If only I had my cleavage generation powers!

We embraced, and suddenly, Future Sylar asked me, "Wait, you don't have a halberd hidden up your sleeve, do you?"

"A halberd? I don't even know what that is, silly, lol!"

"Just checking," Future Sylar smiled with love and lust. Our lips like, met!

It was totally the greatest moment in my life! I was totally in love with myself! I was so hot, sexy, sweet, and funny! The best guy I could ever find! I was so lucky to find myself, as myself was lucky to find me, lol!

It was then that I pulled the hidden halberd out of my sleeve, lol! It was the greatest moment of my life!

Future Sylar brains splattered all over my face! His, like, sexy lips turned blue and cold! He fell limp in my arms, and then to the ground. The beach totally like turned back into Mohindy's gross apartment. "You idiot," Future Sylar gasped. "You had it all. You had yourself. And now you lost it. And now you'll go back in time and kill yourself again."

"Lol, no, I'll know that I'd die and I totally won't go!"

"You're not that smart," Future Sylar said with his last, sexy dying breath.

He lke, totally had me there. Oh well! My nemesis was dead, Maya was crying and about to be dead, and Mohindy was coming to give me my powers back, love me, about to be dead too, and then love me again! Things are lookin' up for Sylarz! Lol!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Help Me, Mohindy!

Help, Mohindy! Help! I know you're reading this and can use your Indian know how and maybe a rain dance or two to totally rain sexiness and girliness upon me! I've come to the like, climax of my story, and things couldn't be worse or some junk! First of all, I kissed a totally icky girl 'n prolly got some sort of disease! I mean, they tell you not to drink the water in Mexico, right? Well, Maya was like, in Mexico, and she had a whole mouthful of water! Slimey, saliva-y water! I'll get salmonella!

Then, on top of that, I killed a hot, beautiful man! I had to! Or did I? Maybe I just wanted him dead because I found him unsexy? Urkel knows I've killed many a women before for such a reason, lol! But how's a Sylar to know?! Unless Urkel himself drops down from cancelled TV show heaven and like, tells me himself! But I can't think for myself! Like, everyone knows I've gotten through life on my looks alone, lol! Oh, and my mind trick. And now I only have twice as much of one thing, and none of the other!

Not only was kissing like, totally hot, but I got all turned on 'n stuff at the thought of having a dead male body behind me! And I didn't even get to eat his brain :( I've become no better than that cur, Future Sylar! I had to get to Mohindy before him, or I'd like, be lost forever! Or at least until I went forward in time so much that I became Future Sylar or somethin, lol. But anyways, I need to get to Mohindy first so he can get my mind trick back! If I don't have it before I face Future Sylar, I could always resort to my trusty mug of doom, lol. But that shouldn't be a problem, I got to Mohindy's house first! I can totally outrun a teleport, lol.

But now, I'm left alone in Mohindy's house with the vixen, Maya. I'm like, thinking totally unnatural thoughts! I tried to think back to my Mohindy fantasy to ease my mind, but this is all I got...

Maya on a man body? And why was Matt there? That fatty wasn't even sexy when I WASN'T suffering from a nasty case of hetereosexuality sickness, lol. What did it all MEAN?

"I know what it means," said a figure, stepping out of the shadows. I recognized him, like, immediately!

"Future Sylar!" I accused! And my accusation was, like, totally correct. It WAS Future Sylar! "Can you like, read my mind or somethin'?" I asked him.

"I don't know, can I?"

I thought about unicorns. "Their horns sure are pretty," Future Sylar said!

"Amazing! Wait a minute! This post was supposed to end on a dramatic cliffhanger, you know, like of you revealing yourself, but we're still talking, and ruining the cliffhangerness!" I shrieked at Future Sylar.

"What? Oh, you're right. Sorry about that."

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Betrayal II

Future Sylar! That cur! That usurper! That, like, big doodie head! I caught him in the act! Movin' in on MY woman! I mean...not like I care what he does with a girlie or whatever, but it's totally the principle of thing (kinda)! He's supposed to be gay! And I want Maya in the sack! Wait a minute...Whaaaaaaa?!?!

Anyways, it was time to pack up 'n keep drivin' so I went to like, get Maya. I knew where I'd find her. At the local Mexican restaurant of course! Where else would a Future Sylar be? When I saw what I like, saw, I stood there, totally shocked in rage 'n junk! I needed a new pair of underwear!

The cry baby (no, not Future Sylar, silly, lol) had totally been whinin' like a lil Sylar.

"Ah dios mio! I just...kissed a maaaaaan!" Maya blubbered.

Future Sylar gave her the attention a MAN would! He ignored her! What kind of sexy Sylar does THAT?!

Lil Maya burst into pathetic, hot tears of sexiness. "I just...I'm so happy!"

"You cry when you're happy too? Sweet Sylarz, is there any escape," Future Sylar said with Sylarness.

It was then that I finally burst out of my rage and charged towards Future Sylar, like, totally pointing my accusory accusing finger of accusation. "Usurper! Usurper! Usurper!" I cried, totally valiantly at the usurping usurper, with my coffee mug of doom in my other hand, ready to strike death into Future Sylar's sexy, usurping skull.

"Sybriel?" Maya asked, before bursting into tears again, confused at the presence of two identically sexy Sybriels.

Future Sylar was surprised to see me, but after the inital shock wore off, he like, asked, "Do you even know what that word means?"

"I...uh...It means, like, Future Sylar, lol!"

"Ok, ok!" Future Sylar hotly conceded, accepting my totally smart explanation. "You caught me! I'm not gay! I turned straight, just like you will!"

"My hot Mexican body turned a gay man straight?" Maya said, sniffling.

"You're not Mexican, you're Dominican Republican."

"Oh yeah," said Maya. "I can never tell the difference," she finished, snorting through her tears like an Urkel in heat. She like, took one of the tissues out that were stuck in her hair, blew her nose, and threw it out in the closes trash placey place: the top of Future Sylar's pimp hat. He glared at her, lol.

"Uh, Future Sylar, I'm like, totally gonna kill you," I said as I raised my coffee mug of doom to smash down on his pretty lil head, lol.

It was then that I felt the power of a mind trick for the first time! Future Sylar totally pinned me against the wall. "No, I'm afraid I am going to kill you."

"You can't! If you do, then you'll like, never exist!"

"I'm not sure how you were smart enough to know that, my dumb friend , but maybe non-existence is a good thing. I won't have to be so manly. I won't like sports, I'll have feely feelings, I won't find icky girls attractive and want to get them in bed. It'll be nothingness. Blissful, gay, nothingness. And maybe nothingness will totally do my nails for me."

"Sybriels, Sybriels, stop fighting!" shrieked Maya.

But Future Sylar had his mind trick finger of skull-cutting raised in front of my skull. He was totally, like about to tear it off when he stopped. "Maybe it's not too late for me," he sexfully thought. "Mohindy. If I found Mohindy, my one love, maybe I could reverse this curse. I just need those sexy Indian lips pressed against mine. Those Indian lips, which for some reason, like, totally eats cury instead of maize."

And with that, Future Sylar disappeared, teleporting to go steal Mohindy away from me! I had spent so much time worrying about icky girly Maya that I was may lose Mohindy! Wait, I said that Maya was icky? And I meant it, OMG! I think I was totally understanding what was going on with me!

But before I could cure my gross, totally unsanitary hetereosexuality sickness, I had to kill that filthy cur Future Sylar! And I was hella afraid that my coffee mug of doom wasn't enough to finish to do it. No, I needed a way to get into that skull, so I could get to Future Sylar's sweet, succulent brain. Fight fire with fire! I needed a hacksaw. Lol!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


As me 'n the wonder twins got closer to our destination, 'n I struggled w/ my femininity (I was like, totally so close to coming out of the closet 'n admitting I was straight), I realized that I headed towards my sexual salvation! Screw Future Sylar! He may be hella sexy, sexier than any living thing other than Present Sylar, but he wasn't helping! In fact, I was starting to think he was as straight as an arrow, like me! Er wait, I'm not that straight! I'm more like a line. A straight one, that has no curves. Yes, that's me! Anyways, I totally decided the next time I ran into him I'd like eat his brain or some junk lol. Deja vu? Lol. I wish I knew what that meant. Lol.

Anyways, like I was totally sayin' before I got sidetracked by the prospect of brain eating, lol, I was totally heading to my salvation! That's right, the one man who could possibly de-straighten me out, and keep my line nice and straight! Do I know what I'm talking about? Like, no way! But my first love, Mohindy, will cure me! I am gettin' closer to visitin' with him! Who could forget that time I almost got to give him a sexful sponge bath? Or that other time that I totally killed Future Sylar #1 out of a total jealous rage for movin' in on Mohindy and then totally didn't even have to have a make up make-out session with that totally hot Indian, who for some reason, uses guns instead of tomahawks! Your ancestors would be ashamed, Mohindy!

Anyways, I am going to win Mohindy back.\! To do that, though, I'd have to be a total biatch 'n steal him from another man. But that's ok. Mohindy's new BF is obviously just a rebound guy. I mean, he's like, a lil beached whale. He's no sexy Sylar! For Mohindy, it's totally like going from succulent human brain to...a big heaping spoonful of lard lol! I mean, I guess lard tastes pretty good too, but nothing like brains! Unless it's lard made out of brains. Then that's a pretty close call! But we're assuming it's non-brain lard, like, ok? Ok!

Anyways, thoughts of the sexful Mohindy is totally kinda completely sorta taken my mind off of hot ladies! I mean, Maya still makes my lil Sylar specially levitate 'n junk, the only special power I have left, but hopefully my Mohindy fantasies can fend such scary thoughts away from my fragile, feminine mind! I'm comin' Mohindy! But until I get there, this fantasy will have to do! It's rainin' brains! And Mohindies!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Me, Future Sylar, 'N Stumpy

Check out my new post over at the Burnt Toast Diner! 'N you can expect a post on my blog here tomorrow, so come 'n check it out!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Cow Tippin'

Hey guys. I'm still like, super troubled and stuff, so I went out for a walk. Well, less of a walk, and more of a skip, since I usually skip down lanes and such lol. And I've been doing a lot of skipping lately, lol. Anyways, this time I thought I'd check out the local customs 'n junk! Well, what is more popular along the border than...cow tipping?! Well, I suppose siestas and taco making and border hopping, but cow tipping has totally gotta be up there, lol!

Anyways, when I got to the local cow tippin' hangout, I saw a guy in this super cute, fluffy white coat and hat, tryin' to teach a girlie how to tip the lil cows. He had his hands around his waist. "Put your hips into it," he said, like, hella pushing his own hips against her in an example or something. It sickened and aroused me at the same time lol! And the arousiness sicked me over more! Anyways, he turned around, and I recognized him! It was Future Sylar!

He looked surprised! "Present Sylar!" he shrieked! "What are you doing here?"

"I could like, ask you the same thing! Aren't you supposed to be helpin' me? Who's that girlie?" I asked smartly, as I always do.

"Oh, uh, her? Lol? She's just my uh, BFF girly friend! We like do each other's nails and talk about cute boys and stuff!"

The girly looked confused. "What? What are you talkin' about, daddy?"

"Quiet woman!" Future Sylar shouted! He shot her a look like I'd look at a cute boy before eating his brain lol, lust and anger in one. But where did Future Sylar's lust come from? He must be imagining her as a boy, lol! Or maybe she was a gross looking tranny and he was ashamed to be dating a man who looked so much like a hot girl! Who knows! Certainly not me. Or do I? I reached soe sort of conclusion somehow!

"Wait a minute!" I said, "I know what's going on here!"

Future Sylar sighed. "I guess the jig's up. You know the truth. I am really strai..."

"You guys are cow tipping, lol!" I concluded smartly.

"You just figured that out now?" Future Sylar asked, relieved. I stared at him blankly. He stared blankly back. "Wait, what were we doing?" Future Sylar asked the girly. She shrugged, lol. What a group of smarties we were! Mmmm, smarties, I hella want some!

"I wanna try tippin'! I've always wanted to knock over something stupid! And I want some smarties!" I looked over at Future Sylar, and in probably the cleverest thing I've ever done, I went over and tried to knock him over (to imply that he was stupid, get it? Lol! I'm such a tricky jokester!)

"Hands off the fur, bro!" Future Sylar shouted as I tried to touch him daintily.

"Well, if I can't knock you over, do you at least have some smarties?" I asked, pouting.

"No. Woman, do you?" he asked girly.

"No, but I've got drugs," she said.

"Awww, drugs aren't sugary goodness," Future Sylar pouted.

"No, they're not," I pouted too!

But anyways, Smarty-less, I started thinkin' about things! Bro? Girlies? Cow tipping? These were hella un-Sylar-like activities, lol! OMG, or was it? The next thing I knew I was pushin' over a cow! An icky, stinky, buggy cow! This is not me! I'll have to look up to Future Sylar to provide a good example for me, since he never like, turned straight!

Monday, November 5, 2007

The Return of Future Sylar

So, I was in the height of my depression, with no way to cure my heterosexuality sickness when I got a welcome visit from a totally super friend! I was out in the desert takin' a pee pee, when all of a sudden I saw a guy admiring my junk!

"Nice weasel," said the voice with a giggle. I looked up...and saw Future Sylar!

"Future Sylar!" I shrieked. But..I killed you! How could you be here?"

"Teehee, you silly goose! That Future Sylar that you killed was from a different timeline or something! The timeline changed when sexy Petey didn't blowed up the city! That Future Sylar you killed never existed! Now, we have me! A totally sexier version!"

"But I definitely ate the brains of SOME Future Sylar!"

"Or like, did you?" Future Sylar asked, raising his eyebrow. "You don't have any of his hella awesome powers!"

"That's because I had freakin' indigestion!"

"Or did you?" Future Sylar raised his eyebrow.

"Yes, I did!"

"Or did you?"

"Um, I think so?"

"Or did you?"

"I guess not."

"Or did you?"

"Hmmm, you're right, maybe I did!"

"Or did you?"

"No, you're right, I didn't."

"That's what I thought!" Future Sylar had wonned.

"Whatever! You're lookin' super sexy by the way. Future Sylar, tell me, when will I like, get my powers back? Without them I'm getting totally icky manly urges! I need to get rid of them and become my girly self again!"

"I don't know, hun, I never lost my powers," Future Sylar responded.

"But how? You're me...from the future!"

"No, silly! A Future Sylar from the future came to me and saved me from icky Candice when I was held hostage! I kept my powers!"

"Then, how come that didn't happen to me?!"

"Because YOU'RE the Future Sylar," Future Sylar said mystically. He then broke down and giggled. I wanted to kill him and totally eat his brains but: 1. I wouldn't get his powers and B. I get indigestion from Sylar brains anyways, lol. Or do I? I thought for a minute.

"Are you gonna say anything?" Future Sylar interrupted my quick thinking. "You've been standing there in silence with your little Sylar stickin' out of your pants for like 15 minutes or some junk."

I knew I was thinking about something. But what? Oh well! I had another thought. "Well, anyways, how do I get rid of these non-flamboyant urges?!"

"I never had them! I had my powers, so as soon as I ran into these two silly twins I killed 'em 'n stole their powers, lol!"

"Damn you for your, like, effectiveness, Future Me!"

"I like, know, lol! Anyways, I've come to help you get through it, like you came to help me! So continue on your trip! I'll meet you at your next stop! If I don't help you, then Future You won't go back in time to help Past Me, who is supposed to then progress to the future and go back in time to help Past You, who will go forward in time, to become Future you, who will go back in time to help Past Me, who will become Present Me, who will go back in time to help Past..."

He went on like that, stupidly. I was thinking about hot gir...I mean hot guys after I lost him at "then Future You won't..." Anyways, eventually his brain stopped working from using to much smarts, he stood there for a few minutes while it recharged itself, and then he totally teleported away.

"Bye Future Me!" I shouted. I felt a lot better about myself knowing that Future Sylar would help lol.

"Sybriel?" Maya had walked up behind me. "Who are you talking to?"

"Just my weasel, lol," I giggled, zipping up. I looked at Maya, then down at my pants. A tent or some junk was being pitched.


Saturday, November 3, 2007

Clearing My Mind!

OMG, me, Maya and Miguel, er I mean, Maya 'n Alejandro were all sleepin' in the car. With all these confusing feelings I've had about Maya, I like, had to get out of there! So I walked into town.

I had to do something to totally clear my mind, and there were two things I knew that could make me happy! Like, eating brains and oogling boys lol! So I walked into the local theater-place with a mission on my mind!

As soon as I walk in I saw a bunch of Texas hillbillies dancing about. I heard singing on the stage!

"I'm a little bit country..." a chickie voice sang. I looked to the stage. These two were singing!

"I'm a lit bit rock 'n roll!"

This was freakin' perfect 'n some junk! I had sexiness, AND a murder victim, like all in one convenient stagey location!

"I'm a little bit sexy!" I sang, and jumped on the stage. The two had stopped singing and were making out, they stopped to stare at me. "I'm a little bit of a brain-eating homicidal serial killer...oll (gotta rhyme, lol)!"

I pulled out my trusty brick, my like, newfound murdering weapon and stuff, 'n clubbed my victim on the head, who fell to the ground, dead. I totally giggled, proud of my feat!

I looked down, and was like, totally freaked out at what I saw! My victim...was the totally hot, sexy guy! And he didn't even have a power! I killed a cute boy, but why?!

The girlie knelt next to the dead one and started crying like a Sylar...well, like a Sylar when he was girlie! Now I didn't know what being a Sylar was! "Donny! You were too beautiful to die!" She looked up at me. "What have you done?"

Like, yes! What had I done? She was supposed to die, and I was supposed to run away with the hot boy! body didn't let me do it! What was happening to me?!

I felt something soft, curvacious, and lustful on my hand. It felt good. I looked down to see what it was. I like, freaked out! My hand was on the girly's butt! And I liked it!

I breathed deep, looked up towards the heavens, and let out a pained, "NOOooOOOooOOocOOooOooOOO!"

I ran out of the theater, shrieking in terror.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Burnt Toast!

Hey guyz! You can find me on Burnt Toast Diner this week! Hopefully I can get a post up on my personal blog this week if I have time, too! Until next time! Toodles!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A Sylarz Song

Hey guys! Still on the road and super bored, so I thought I'd write a lil song! We already know I'm awesome at it from Hank's rap, so let's try again! Here we go!

Sylarz, Sylarz, he's so hot, he's so great!
You want a date?
Maybe if you are a hot boy
You can be Sylar's sexy new toy

Powerless, and friendless, yet still lookin' for guys!
Gonna buy all the jewelry, money can buy!
For myself, looking great, in my right ear!
Now isn't there something about me, you think quite queer?

Well, it's that my powers are gone, that's right, of course!
I hope you weren't thinkin' about something perverted or worse
Cause I'm as pure as snow, and perform no sin
I'm speaking of course of man love, but murder is in


Alejandro, Alejandro, what'll I do with you?
I'm not sure if I'll molest you, or turn your brain to stew
But I think I have an idea, that you'll see with your eye
I'm probably gonna hit on you and then perform homicide

Now Maya, Maya, if I didn't like boys, you'd be hot
But that is not the case so unfortunately you're not
So I see you as expendable and hopefully soon
I'll tear your brain out, take your power, all by noon


I'm so sexy, hooooot, in more ways that one.
All you sexy boys are lookin' to get some.
But the one I'm really lookin' for has got to be Peter.
And when I find him and accost him it's gonna be sweeter.

Syter 4eva!

Sunday, October 21, 2007


Lol, well, my friendship with smoke monster didn't really end up like I'd hope. Instead I ended up shrieking like a little Sylar for most of the time I spent with it. Making out with smoke makes it like, kinda hard to breathe 'n junk! Who would have thought?!

Well, anyways, somehow I like, mysteriously escaped. I'm guessing it was through the power of the smoke monster. I bet she gets tired of guys quickly. I was used 'n teleported away to stinky desert!

Well, after almost getting hit by a sweet Nissan Rogue, the bestest cars in the world (I own 4, as does every member of the Sylarkin family even though I've killed most of them lol), it like instead stopped and picked me up! Friends? Could be!

I found myself in a car with a gross white boy, an annoying latina, 'n a hot latin boy! I tried to make my move on the hottie, but it seemed he didn't understand English. God, stupidity like, totally turns me off, 'n junk. Especially when it comes in the form of a Mexican from the continent of Asia lol!

So, I gave up on the stupid latin boy and instead tried to make friends with the peeps closer to my elevated intelligence level lol. I talked to the white boy, but all he talked about was "Waaah, waah, they're murderers!" He like, was racist against murderers! I, like, am a murderer 'n stuff! So I killed him dead for his racism lol.

So then I tried to talk to the Latina girl. She was pretty, but not as hot as Sylarz, lol.

"Hi, my name is Sy...briel Gray."

The girlie burst into tears. "Hi Sybriel. Nice to meet you."

I was confused by her silly crying. I mean, as a Sylar, I'm used to crying. But this crying was silly!

"So, do you like, have any hobbies, 'n junk?" I asked sexfully.

She cried harder, "I love dancing, and donkey riding, and crying."

I turned to the sexy, stupid latin boy. "PMS?" I axed. He looked at me like a big, dumb stupid guy who can't like hear Braille lol. I totally forgot he was stupid 'n stuff!

I turned back to the crier. She was eating an ice cream sandwich, and crying. "Oh, I love ice cream sandwiches," she whined, in between tears. "They're my favorite."

I picked up my bloody brick to crush her annoying crying skull, but then, stupid sexy latin boy grabbed my arm 'n started shouting.

"Blah blah! Bloo blah blee blah!" He screamed like a prehistoric Lutheran lol. But I looked into his sexy eyes and they calmed me, even though he was stupid and his sister cried more than a Sylar, I started sucking my thumb and fell asleep in a sexy fetal position.

I don't think this characters will make good friends :( In fact, I'll probably kill them when I get my powers back, lol. The search continues!

Monday, October 15, 2007

An Evening With Smoke Monster, Part 2!

So like, what pair of hoey friends are like the hottest in the whole wide worlds?! Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. Mary Kate and Ashley Olson. Sexy Sylarz and Smoke Monster lol. Oh I got that sexy monster all hoed up, with some sexy rouge, some blush to bring out its smoke bones, and some hot black lipstick to compliment Smokester's hot black smoke.

So we like, started wandering in the woods like a couple of hot wood elves lol, until we ran into John Locke! He was like, kinda icky. I didn't really see what smokester saw in him. He was old! And bald! Ewwww!

Anyways, ugly Locke saw us and stood up, looking with intrigue at Smokester!

"John," said Smokester.

"You again?" ugly Locke said!

"John, I want you to be with me."

"Haven't we already talked about this? I can't be with you anymore. I just can't."

Smokey started to cry big billowing smokeful tears! "But John, I love you!"

Ugly Locke looked annoyed. "Well I don't love you! I love Jacob! We're together and happy!"

"NOOooOOOooOOcoOOOooOooOO!" Smoke Monster let out a bloodcurdling shriek!

"I...I've gotta go. I've got a date with Jacob. I can't be late."

Ugly Locke pranced off, and all was left was me 'n Smokester, with her cryin' like a lil Sylar lol. But just then, some peeps passed through the forest near us, and one was like totally led by a hot boy! Not only that, but they shouted that they could totally get off the island now!

"Like, freedom, lol!" I giggled, and ran off toward them!

But before I reached the hotness of hot boy, I felt a tug on my dainty leg. I looked down 'n saw the gentle touch of Smokester's smoke on my leg. All of a sudden it dragged me down and started pulling me, OMG! Smokester dragged me down into a hole in the ground! It must be her love nest! She'd taken a desperate turn and settled for a sexy Sylar as a rebound!

"But I don't like girls!" I shrieked as I descended into the darkness of Smokester's love pit!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

An Evening With Smoke Monster, Part 1

OMG! So yeah I'm still like, totally powerless, 'n like, SUPER bored without any brains to eat or boys to look at! So, you know, I kinda took a walk in the woods for some reason! This place totally seemed familiar, a LOST kind of place, kinda like a place where a plane would crash, with Matt the fat mind reader boy being the pilot! Silly Matt! Marriage, flying planes, trying to shoot Sylars, he just can't do anything right lol!

Anyways I was kinda walking around, pouting and throwin' a hissy fit, when all of a sudden, I heard this sound that hella heard like a mix of a constipated cow tryin' to let loose and a Sylar mating call lol. I turned and OMG guys, you won't believe what I saw!

It was totally, like, a billowing billow of billowy smoke! And it had a bow or something on!

"OMG I totally love your bow, it's like, so cute!" I shrieked in cute joy at the thing!

The smokey thing stared at me for a moment, sucked it's bow into it's smokey smoke body like a thingie that sucks things to hide it, and then to my surprise it talked or something!

"That wasn't a bow! I don't wear cute things! I'm a vicious killing machine!" it said in a totally deep voice.

"Awww, you do wear cute things! And I'm a killer too lol! So don't even try it! So, who have you killed?"

"Mr. Eko."

"Well, why did you do that, silly billy? To be special?" I sexfully asked.

"Well, you see, I asked him out on a date, and he told me he wasn't gay. Why do people assume that ominous clouds of smoke are male?!" the girl smoke whined.

"Oh, so you're a girlie? Lucky!"

"No! I'm nothing! Do you see any genitals?" The smoke swung its smokey groin at me.

"No fun spots?! Then what's the point of finding a man?!"

"Can't a creature find something more than lust in a man? Can't one"

I stared at him/her smoke thingie stupidly. Smoke thingie waited for my answer but then smartly realized that I was too stupid and wasn't going to answer lol. Well, anyways, the sexy smoke thingie continued!

"Anyways, I haven't had much luck! I almost had Locke down in my sexy love pit, but stupid Jack pulled him away. God, is he annoying. And then Mr. Eko, turning me down, thinking me gay, he had to die!"

"Well I tell you what, how about I totally help you go find a sexy guy?"

The smoke thingie like, sniffed, and looked at me with its puppy smokey non-existent eyes. "Can we kill Jack, too?"

"Of course! I wouldn't have it any other way, silly!"

To be continued or some junk, lol!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

OMG, A Powerless Sylarkins!

My specialness, NOOooOOocoOOooOOoOoOO! It's like, totally gone! Waaaa! Waaaa! All my adventures in the sewers and my silly Dr. Phil murdering escapades were all like! Yeah, that's it! They were a dream! That silly fat lady Candice/Michelle/Ambiguous Fat Girl like totally made them my fantasy! She knew me like, so well!

Unforunately for Candice/Michelle/Ambiguous Fat Girl (I like, totally don't read the graphic novels. Those are so nerdy lol), I didn't know that I didn't have my super specialness! So I killed her to try to get more super specialness! But I didn't get any super specialness! Instead, I just got a case of the runs worse than I got from tacos and Future Sylar brains! I like, totally let loose in that sexy barrel outside my lil hut! That was a cute lil hut, wasn't it? I bet I could decorate it to make it so cute! With intestine streamers and brain lamps and all other sorts of cutesy wootsy decor OMG it'd be so hot!

Wait a minute, I forgot, I'm not special anymore! Waaaa! It's like high school all over again! I'm gonna get made fun of for dressing like a girl! And if I had Candice/Michelle/Ambiguous Fat Girl's brain, I could totally like, beCOME a girl 'n some junk! But now, what's the point of killing peeps when you don't even get specialness from it? 'N I ate fat girl brain! I used a straw to suck it out through a lil hole in her fat skull like a fattening fatty chocolate milk shake! Ugh! My thighs are gonna be feeling this one! And I'm not even SPECIAL! Waaaa!

Well, I think I'm going to go into my cute little hut and cry some more. Maybe then I'll have some adventures on the LOST island or whatever the heck this place is that I'm like, totally trapped on. I'll tty guys lata. Rescue me!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

A Sylarz Vacation :(

Hey guyz! I am going on a lil trip. I know, I know, I just started blogging again. But like, don't worry! I'll be back next week, on Tuesday!

In the mean time, you can totally read about my dancing fantasy with Mr. Glasses at the Burnt Toast Diner. Here's a lil taste of it!

Until next week then! TTYL!

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Opposite Day!

Hey guys! I've been like, searching for friends 'n stuff! I realized that Dr. Phil was like totally right! If only he had agreed to be my friend, he'd like, still be alive, lol. Oh well! I hate bald guys anyways. They're icky!

So I went to option #2, which was like, a totally sexy option, involving a man with some sweet, hot rims. Mr. Glasses! He left me a comment on this post the other day and it made me think of something! I knew his screen name and totally gave him an IM!

Mr. Glasses hurt me. Oh well! I guess I'll have to kill his daughter sometime, lol! Wait, I would have done that anyways, lol! Anyways! I need to find someone else to be my friend! Maybe I should look to some of my Burnt Toast Diner internet friend bloggers! But who?!?!?!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

OMG A Trip to the Surface!

OMG Mohindy has me like, so mad! Spreading rumors, chattin behind my back like I'm dead or somethin! And now I find out that he totally has a live-in BF in fat dislexic cop, Park Mattman! Aaaarch, I'm like, so mad I could throw a pillow at a catepillar! And then cry! And then kill someone! And then cry again!

So I figured it was hella time to rise up to the surface and like, maybe take a shower or something! But that wasn't THAT important! No, first thing was to like, heal my many emotional wounds that Mohindy caused me! So I knew it was time to go to a shrink! And I decided to go to Texas, to the best shrink there is!

Yeah, this guy! I like, totally knew him from Oprah! I used to watch them together while I was eating brain splits covered in hot fudge 'n whipped cream 'n brain juice lol! Anyways, his receptionist didn't want to let me in for some reason or something! So I like, killed her and just told the sexy doctor that I was his next patient lol!

So, I sat down 'n told him my story about Mohindy 'n junk, 'n he kinda just stood there 'n looked at me 'n pondered! When I finished though he started to give me his wise wisdom!

"You need to get out of this relationship," he said. "It's destructive to your life! I mean, look at you! You're covered in some sort of red substance, and you've got chunks of little red stuff all over your face! You are a mess! You need to turn your life around!"

"Oh, lol, I didn't know I had brain on my face, sorry doctor," I said as I wiped the brain off with my sleeve. "But like, anyways. I can't forget Mohindy! I don't have anything else left in life! Except maybe that sexy guy Petey, but he might, like be dead! And angry at me 'cuz I tried to kill him 'n junk."

"Well in times of tough relationships, it's always good to lean on family! That's what they are there for, Mr. Sylar!"

"Uh, that's not really an option, lol."

"Friends then! Friends are good people to lean on!"

"Fr...Friends?" I asked, a like, totally stupid look on my face.

"You don't have any friends, do you Mr. Sylar? Maybe, instead of worrying about relationships, you should worry about getting some friends, first! They can do wonders, and frankly, it just isn't healthy to be without any of them!"

I thought for a second or two...or maybe like 10 minutes lol. Sorry, it takes me a while to think. Anyways! After many minutes of totally awkward silence, I had a bright idea! "Um, like, doctor? Would my friend?"

"I'd love to be your friend, Mr. Sylar," the doctor responded with love and what I knew was definitely lust!

"That's hella sweet! Do you wanna go back to my place and give me a makeover? I just got a new makeup set and I totally want to try it out! Oh, and I could give you a new hairdo! I've totally got this awesome set of weaves that I could put in your bountiful hair to make it like, super sexy!"

The doctor looked at his watch. "I believe our time is up."

"But I need a friend! I totally need someone to eat brai...I mean, ice cream with, and cry and talk about boys and all that girl stuff!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sylar, but I don't have time to talk boys. I have other patients!"

I was like, totally flying into a rage or something! He wasn't my friend! He was just, like, humoring me 'n junk!

"You're not my friend! You're like, totally a robot!" I shrieked, using totally stupid slang that I knew some weird California kid uses!

I guess I kinda lost it there lol. Let's just say that when the doctor's next patient came in, he kinda saw something like a dead doctor on the ground with half a head and his brain missing. Oops lol! I just can't help myself sometimes!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Mohindy, You F(r)iend!

Mohindy, you friend! Wait, um, is that the word I'm looking for? I don't think so cause friends are usually peeps who are nice 'n junk to you. I don't know, I haven't had many, but maybe Future Sylar, who is kinda me lol. Anyways, what's like, the opposite of friend? A mean peep who has avalanches in their heart? Oh yeah, a fiend! That's what I definitely meant! Mohindy, you fiend lol!

Right when I get ready to make my triumphant comeback he spreads lies about me! Like how when all the football players...and cheerleaders...and band geeks...and nerds...and pretty much everyone of the school spread lies about me trying on cheerleader uniforms when I was in high school! Oh wait, that was true, lol. But something like that! I can't think of a better like, comparison 'n junk! So anyways! I'm ready to make my triumphant comeback 'n Mohindy, that fiend, my ex, jealous lover, spreads lies that I am dead!

Ok, so um, maybe Mohindy wasn't an ex lover, sadly, oh how I wanted that hot professory man. But it was like, not to be. I think he was worried about having an affair with one of his students or something, I don't know lol. Or his experiemental test subject. Same thing!

And maybe Mohindy didn't lie about me being dead. I guess he really did think I was dead or something. I mean, I guess this would leave that thought or something!

OMG look how pathetic I look all lying there, dead 'n stuff! Oh wait, I'm not dead. Am I? Is this ghost Sylar? No! Don't let Mohindy convince you you're dead, you idiotic sexy idiot! Why am I talking to myself? Live Sylars don't talk to themselves! That's what dead Sylars do, ahhhhhhhhh!

Ok, ok! I promise you guys, I am alive (I think)!? 'N maybe Mohindy saying I was dead wasn't the work of a jealous ex-lover! Maybe I am the jealous ex-lover! And this is what I will do to Mohindy when I come across him! If I can't have him, like, no one will lol!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Preview!: "Leave Claire Alone!"

OMG guys, hi! I've been like super busy, but I've got a spare sec to share somethin' hella interesting with ya'll! I wanna give all my friends a taste of what's to come starting Sep. 25, so I'll give ya guys a little story while I totally eat my lite dinner of rat brains. Ending up in this sewer was like, a great thing for me! It helped me start that diet I've always wanted to start up! And I'll take these low fat rat brains over veggies anyday! Veggies are yucky :( as is most other non-brain food lol.

So some guy/girl read my last blog post and somehow put two and two together and like got four! And THEN, like, somehow, through that like totally hard math problem (I would have guessed five), he realized that I was still alive! This got him all nervous and stuff. I guess he thought he was gonna eat his friend's brain or somethin', which is usually a safe guess lol, and ya know what, he was like totally right, because he was talking about Claire! He sent me a video of him whinin' like a lil Sylar lol, here he is!

Some of my favorite parts, lol:

"You’re lucky she even saved the world for you, bastard! Leave Claire alone! PLEASE!”

"Speaking of heroism, when is it it heroic to try to kill someone who is going through a hard time?!"

"Leave Claire Bennet alone right NOW! I mean it! If you want to kill her and take her specialness, you deal with me!"

Lol, that's good stuff! Like, more girly than I am somehow, and that's totally a first, I mean, girls aren't even girlier than me lol! Anyways, I thought I'd invite him to my lovely sewer home to, you know, girl talk 'n stuff, maybe do our nails together, 'n probably end a lovely, fun-filled evening with my new gal pal by tearing open his skull 'n eatin' his sweet brain so he doesn't try to stop me from killing Claire later lol! I guess I could totally take a break from my new diet to fill up on some whiney emo feminine guy brains! I got a super fly image in my head of a lock of sexy blonde hair falling onto the floor, Petey style lol.

Anyways, before I invited him over I totally figured something out!. I know what you're thinking, "Wait a minute...Sylar, figuring something out?!" lol, yes it's true, sometimes even I have a bright idea! Well, maybe not a bright idea, but definitely some kind of idea! And this was a good one! So here's my like, smartest idea ever: there is like, no freakin' way that a person this silly could exist! It's way too...what's that word they use...oh yeah - mellon dramatic, lol. Kinda like this guy Sendhil Ramamurthy's acting, who looks kinda like my ex-lover Mohindy. He's got Mohindy's looks, but not his brains! Hmmm, that relationship would work out better for me lol! I need someone on equal smarts ground as Sylarz!

Anyways! I figured it could be a practical joke! But who would play such a joke? It had to be someone who could like, shapeshift! Could it be Candice? I didn't think so, cuz I didn't know her, and my old BFF Future Sylar told me that the first time he met her was when he ate her brain lol. Oh how I miss that sexy man.

Then it hit me. Who else could make super sweet illusions but my friend Future Sylar?! He was playing this, like, totally funny joke on me! It had, like, to be him lol! Even though I thouroughly killed him can you guess? Brain eating! But I'm sure he could find a way to survive, and he had to like be alive, he had to be through the power of Sylar love! My heart has brought you back Future Sylar, I can feel it!

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A, Like, Return to Sexiness!

OMG, hi guys, it's been so long! Sorry for like, my totally long absence, but after I ate that hot guy's brain I kinda had to go 'n try to kill Petey, lol! I was planning on posting right after that, I swear! But I got stabbed and, like, had to nurse myself back to sexiness with some icky turtles!

Ewww, they were gross...

But there is some news that's da bomb! Eating that guy's brains gave me the power of super grammar, as you can see! I don't type like a teenage girl anymore! But don't worry, I still act like one, lol. Anyways, with this hella ability I can prolly totally seduce smart guys like Mohindy! Yay!

Well, I guess that's about it for now! I'm kinda busy gaining the super awesome power of being a turtle ninja! It's hella sweet. But I just wanted to let all my friends know that if they miss me, I'll be back! Not yet, though, I'm thinking somewhere around September 24th or something, that date seems about right.

In the meantime you can read about my past adventures until then! Why not catch up with my former BFF, Future Sylar? Or maybe one of my fun times with Mr Glasses (I miss him :( ). Or my epic battle with Simon Cowell! So much fun to read up on! Just check out my blog archives on the right!

Remember guys, leave the love if you want me to start posting again on September 24! If you've all forgotten about me, I won't bother :(, but if you want more Sylarz, drop me a comment, lol! Hope to ttyl!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

sylarz jumps the shark!

well hear we r only a few more adventures til my triumphant xplosion n itz time 2 jump the shark. lets watch!

i arrived @ a big building in nyc wear i new i wud find the man from the company i wuz looking 4. i new this dude like had sumthing like the pwr of good grammar.

i rode up a elevator n wen i got off i saw him.

on the left, justin vp of like primatech paper n his russian bodyguard vladimir sputnikskyov

well the place wuz kinda packed w/ peeps so i figured i wud do this the easy way. i wuznt 1 4 cajun styled brainz but i didnt want 2 get my hands dirty killin all these peeps individually! i usually dont due that if itz more then 50 peeps or so. so i blewed up, xploding the whole room! peeps shrieked as they were engulfed in flames omg it wuz so funny lol. they were all like phoenixes! xcept i dont think theyd be rising from the ashes lol.

i looked around the corpses n didnt c the vp tho! wear cud he b? it wuz then that i saw he n sputnikskyov emerge frum the bathroom. sputnikskyov like totally saw me amongst all the death n destruction n charged @ me like an enraged prostitute who has yet 2 contract a std! i mind trick sawed off his leg n he fell b4 he reached me lol.

i force pinned justin against the wall n raised my finger 2 begin opening up his brain.

"Wait, stop! You can't do this," he whined like a lil baby

'actually i think i kin! ive killed many a peep b4 u silly!'

"But I created you!"

i wuz confused by this statement. i thought babies were created by mommies n daddies? not paper company vps that r younger then u. i kneaded 2 uncover the truth! 'wut do u mean?'

"I am your author! You came from my head!"

'wut?! no silly im sexy sylar! i write my own posts! n i knead ur pwr 2 b like totally cool!'

"No! Your terribly bad grammar is my satire of internet culture and speak! When thinking up a way to parody you, I thought, 'what is the complete opposite of an insane serial killer?' And that is you! And now the only reason you want my power is because I'm sick of typing like an idiot!"

i wuz confused. i looked dwn @ sputnikskyov 4 guidance.

'iz he telling the truth mr bodyguard?'

"If I tell you, will you let me live?" he axed.

'ummmm, prolly not but i wont eat ur brain while ur still alive how bout that?'

"Sounds good to me. I'm not his bodyguard, I'm his nurse. He's crazier than democratic society."

that wuz all i kneaded 2 hear! i killed sputnikskyov w/ a quick mind trick n then sliced open justins skull his sweet grammatical brain xposed. i like feasted yummily!

i just finished my meal of brainz now im rdy 2 type 2 c my knew pwr @ werk....

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

rip future sylar

well guyz itz time 4 my last plotline b4 i xplode! if u wanna read about my awesome battle w/ caveman u kin hear but i haf sumthing else going on!

im kinda sad that i killed future sylar...he wuz 1 kool guy. my 1 n only bff. who else cud understand a brain eating cross dressing cereal killer then himself n mayb his mom. n now both of those peeps r dead! waaaaaaah

well o well that just like amplifies my rage n want 2 kill evry1 lol. but future sylar taut me many things n the 1 thing that stands out most of all iz that good grammar is like totally coolz! i knead 2 get that skill but i kint due it myself! im 2 stupid lol!

luckily 4 me i think i no sum1 w/ the pwr of good grammar! i met him while i wuz like imprisoned like a fat dyslexic cop in a sylar cell lol! he wuz like the vp of the company or sumthing!

while using my totally awsum hearing pwr i heard that there is like a paper convention hear in nyc or sumthing! that means the big wigs @ primatech will b hear hehehehe.

ill avenge u future sylar! ill murder ur wait no...i guess i kint due that. ill preserve ur memory or sumthing lol. yes that i kin do! ill make u proud by earning the pwr of good grammar!

Friday, May 11, 2007


future sylar! that cur! that usurper! that like big doodie head! 1st he tells me that he and future mohinder r partners in crime n sumtimes get 2 play spin the bottle! that wuz bad enuf! but now hes crossed the line! now hes come back in time to hit on present mohindy! the nerf! he already has his own mohindy! y must he steal mine??? i saw them getting rdy 2 go in2 a motel room 2gether!

yes thats him! ok i no mayb it looks familiar mayb it is present me n mohindy a month or so ago but ive planted the evidence now no 1 kin tell its rly future sylar n i did rly c those 2 2gether! i knead like the pwr 2 take piccies w/out a cam or sumthing lol!

newayz evn tho future sylar n i were knew bffs i just cudnt allow this. so i sat in the dark petting mohindy the lizard evilly my face covred in shadow until he got home. he did! n turned the light on n jumped wen he saw me!

"OMFG you scared me, silly billy! What are you doing like, sitting in the dark 'n stuff?"

'wear were u lol?' i axed

"I was totally killing peeps and eating brains, duh!"

'no! u were hittin on mohindy!'

"I would never do that! I know that's your man! I would never hit on the boyfriend of my best friend!"

'lies!' i showed him the piccy.

"Um, that's you, laugh out loud."
Enter away message text here.
it wuz then that i mind trick pinned him against the wall n stared at him w/ love adoration n hatred all at once!

"Um, what are you doing, laugh out loud."

'no1 puts theyre hands on my man n lives 2 tell about it!'

"Uh, laugh out loud, I don't think that's a very good idea. I could kill you!"

'but then u wudnt exist!'

"So?! I'd be dead anyways!"

'wait a min. if ur nething like me n i think u r u wudnt be smart enuf 2 no that!'

"Hmmm, oh my gosh, you're right! Well, I guess one of us is leaving without a brain and it should be me! But you're going to keep going forward in time and coming back and getting your brain eaten by your past self in an infinite loop!"

'omg no silly i no this is going 2 happen now so i wont go back in time!'

"No, silly, you're not that smart. I already killed Future Sylar back in my present, and just came back in time to get killed by Present you again!"

'o...well mayb im smarter!'

"Nope! And you're going to regret eating those tacos tonight!"

'howd u no i had tacos? wuteva lol'

newayz i started tearing open his skull n he giggled like a girl! i pulled out my ice cream scoop n 8 his brain like a pint of ben n jerrys! lol! i wuz shure 2 be pwrful now! but my stomack didnt feel good! i teleported into the bathroom!

kneadless 2 say i came out future sylar pwrless! his brain went write thru me thanx 2 those cursed tacos! if only i cud teleport back 2 warn 5:00 PM sylar not 2 eat them! but alas my teleportation thingie wuz gone! dwn the potty like a broken dream!

o well lol. i got my vengeance! n i kin alwayz kill that azn boy n be able 2 teleport! soon it will happen!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

sno globes n sizzers n dead mommies o my!

2day wuz a totally lonely day! future sylar is off sumwear suspishusly stoned hippy is dead n wen i called mohindy he didnt seem 2 wanna talk as if! he evn tried 2 call the cops on me that hurts mohindy!

well newayz theirs alwayz 1 peep who wud always appreciate sylarz even wen evry1 else has abandoned him n thats mommy!!! unfortun8ly she still thinks of my as 'gabriel' omg i h8 that image of me! but 2 c her i figured i better not go dressed as a totally hot chick w/ the fashion sense of laura bush. instead id be a total watchmaker nerd man i h8ed that!

newayz mommy wuz totally luving me n wanted me 2 b specialz but when i tried 2 show her my specialness i totally threw a sno globe at her face lol! i thawt it wuz prty funny but i guess she didnt she ran away like a scared sylarz wen he sees a ugly peep!

newayz i tried 2 get 2 her but she wudnt haf ne of it! she tried 2 kill me with like sizzers lol!

silly mommy! she thinks im merciful 2 mommies! but no! i am even more vishus 2 mommies! espec my mommy! i sizzers stabbed her lol it wuz prty funny!

ok well mayb i showed a lil emotion frum stabbing mommy but it wuz only bcuz it wuz my time of the month (figuratively speeking lol)! newayz since she wuz mommy i figured it wud b best 2 leaf her skull intact n not eat her brian lol since i owed her that much 4 raising me in2 the special ladylike he-she ive bcome! but i DID paint the future in her blood so thatz almost as good as eating brians lol!

newayz a weener hiro came n tried 2 kill me but i foiled him *yawn*. i guess that wuz prty much it 4 the day! i wunder wear future sylar iz? if i no him and i do since hes me and i no me hes prolly doing sumthing stupid and/or sexy. hopefully not sumthing ill b jealous of tho!

Friday, May 4, 2007

omfg sleepovr lol!

ive finally found the 1 that i luv! its me! from the future lol (tho im prty awsum in my present form as well)! newayz me in future sylarz had a sleepovr last night! it wuz fun! we painted nails did hair watched sad movies! but the best part of the knight wuz wen i decided to call peter!

omg omg he actually answered! "Good bye," he greeted

i wuz confused by his greeting! 'good by?" i axed.

"Yes, it is futile to say 'Hello,' since eventually we all part, anyways. Whether it be to go to the store, to leave me for another man, or to get killed by a druggie ex. Such is Peter. Who is this?"

"OMG, what's he saying?" future sylar axed.

'omg shut up!' i said 2 future. i talked bck 2 petey. 'im just a sum1. i liek ur knew haircut lol'

"I hate it. It makes me want to die and makes me a shell of my former self."

'ur cute' i said

"I know, and emotionally deep. Is there any reason you're calling me?"

'um well...the reason im calling is bcuz....i think i like u!'

i hung up the fone n giggled madly!

"OMG, I can't believe you actually said it!"

'omg i totally no! i wunder wut he thinks? i hope he likes me 2!'

"I bet he does! Who couldn't like someone as sexy as you?"

'well...did he ever like me in the time between now n the future?'

"Um, well...let's have a pillow fight," future sylar exclaimed, changing the subject. and we did! we giggled n hit each othr w/ feathery pillows as in r sexiest lawngeray lol

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

2 brainz r totally bettr then 1!

omg omg omg! i liek totally met my future self i wanna tell u guyz all about it hes so kool n kinda hot lol! we had a totally like deep convo!

OMG I should be writing this fly introduction, I mean, I'm totally like the one who has the better writing ability and stuff! Anyways, I guess that's all we really need anyways, so I guess we should get into our conversation lol!

omg! its freakin me wuts goin on hear?!

Hi homey! I'm totally like you from the future lol!

no way!

Yes way!

wow i look prty hot but how come im not dressed sexily

OMG you look totally da bomb too! And I guess I'm not like dressed in your Past attire is 'cause I'm so used to being President. I'm the specialest person there is!

omg rly?? thats so kewl! how did they let a weirdo cereal killer murderer girl man liek me bcum pres??

'Cause! I can totally create illusions! See?

*Future Sylar illusions himself*


omg u r like sooooo hot! how do u not take advantage of urself??

I do, you silly billy goat!

lol even after years of futureness n lookin like a totally hot dude its still me under their!


So that was like, it! What a time Past Sylar and I have been having! We get along so well! We're gonna do each other's nails in a minute!

gimme my blog back future sylar lol! wut a sweet sexy man he is but i knead 2 keep up w/ my peeps! so wut do u guyz think of wut i bcum? pres n way special n capable of turning in2 hotness that i kin take advantage of wenever i want its like totally awsum! well i guess thats all 4 now! toodles!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Guest Poster: Future Sylar

Heys guys! Guess what? It's me, Future Sylar! I bet you're wondering how I got here to Present Sylar's blog, huh? Well it's simple, really! I beat Future Peter in our fight (he escaped though, poo nuggets!) and then went and ate Future Hiro's brain from his dead carcass and went back in time and now here I am!

I bet I know what else you're wondering...Yes I am coherent! But don't worry, I'm like...still myself lol! I've just been holding back a little to surprise you! BUT it's amazing what can become of me in five years, isn't it? I mean, five years in dark times will improve anyone's grammar, don't you think! That and in five years' time it has become like, totally uncool to type things with bad grammar, I'm so ashamed looking at this blog! That and like, I ate someone's brain with the power of good grammar. I guess that helped a little bit too, lol.

But you know what? It's like good that I can type and talk kinda normal now! I mean, if I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to be like Fake Future President Nathan. I mean, look at my totally awesome trickery!

"My fellow Americans. Today is the anniversary of a great tragedy in our history, one which will never be forgotten..."

OMG that is so funny! I don't even know how I do it without laughing! Retard bad grammar Sylar wouldn't be able to do it but I can get by, but just barely lol!

So what else is radical about my new grammar? Well, for one thing, slang from the '90s has become popular again lol! So, I can say that Orlando Bloom is totally da bomb, which I can say in this present time because he's dead in the future (Someone *cough cough* may have stolen his dope elven powers).

Anyways, I'm like hoping to meet up with my homes present Sylar. OMG, no, not to warn him, I like totally love the future! I'm the specialest homey around AND I am the leader of the free world! Present Sylar will be sooooo surprised to hear that! Anyways, the real reason I want to chill with him is because he's like totally the flyest cat around and to let him know that he is like following the right path to boys! Power equals boys, present Sylar, lol! Oh, and fix your grammar! It's like, totally unattractive or something lol.

Friday, April 27, 2007

sylar gets his first heckler!

omg! did u guyz read the comment on this post? i got a heckler lol! he called me a homo which i dont care about but he also called u guyz homos and i cant haf that! luckily i haf friendz in hi places. mr glasses! i sent him a im!

sexy_sylar: hi mr glasses!

haxor_rims: You...

sexy_sylar: relax mr glasses i dont want ur daughters brain i just want ur help w/ this guy on my blog did u c him?

haxor_rims: Indeed I did. It seems you are dealing with an internet troll. Very common. Lowly creatures that usually live in their parents' basements and have nothing better to do than bash things that they don't like to make them feel better about themselves and their poor lives.

sexy_sylar: oic

haxor_rims: Don't worry, I can help. I have a...friend who may be of some assistance.

sexy_sylar: awsum! thanx a lot mr glasses!

haxor_rims: Anytime, Gabriel. One more thing...I'm madly in love with you.

sexy_sylar: i luv u 2 mr glasses!

ok ok mayb he didnt rly say that last thing but the rest wuz tru! newayz he wuz able 2 track trollies IP by contacting spoon fed n i wuz on my way 2 his house!

i got their n nocked on his door. a lil ol lady opened it w/ her hand full of a tray of cookies! they smelled good. they'd smell even better w/ brain chips lol.

'im looking 4 a internet troll' i said evilly lol.

"You're looking for sonny. Are you his friend?"

'he has friends? lol. o wait i mean yes yes i am im sylar his bff from hs!'

"Oh, ok. I'm his mother, nice to meet you. He should be in his room at the end of the hall."

i walked down the hall n opened his door. their he wuz the troll sitting at his computer!

'i remember u lol!' i said w/ my devil voice as i mind trick pinned him against the wall!

"'re a homo!"

'uh duh lol i cud haf told u that myself u silly billy goat!' i retorted smartly

"I hope you get AIDS and die!" the silly troll said w/ class n dignity

'mayb i do haf aids lol i cud be cruel n give u my aids n let u die slowly hmmm that wud be kind funie wudnt it? but no i think ill be humane n end ur useless life by tearing open ur skull n eating ur filthy horrible brain that is sumhow less intelligent then mine lol'

so i used my mind trick n tore open his skull n he shrieked like a lil girl lol! he cudnt heal like petey so he didnt put up much of a fight n died real quick. didnt put up much of a fight wen he didnt haf his computer 2 hide bhind lol.

newayz i 8 his brian n wuz rdy 2 go! i walked out of his room n gave the trolls mommy a big smile

'it wuz gr8 2 meet u!' i said w/ my mouth still full of brain n blood all ovr my face

"You too. It is good to see my son actually has a friend."

i giggled at that thought n left the house mission accomplished.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

painting the futre!!!!

so guyz u all no that i killed a smelly hippy insidentaly got hi n now i haf the pwr 2 paint the future! well ive been doing sum drawings n thought i wud show u guyz wut ive come up w/!!!

itz obvious this piccy is from the nuklear winter i cawz! hear we c 2 fearsum warrior peeps ready 2 fight sum1! cud it b me?? mayb! i hope so! i bet that 1 guy has sword generation pwrs lol!!!

a couple more special peeps! i dont no wut these guyz r good 4 but they shure look happy! thatll change wen im tearing there skull open n eating there brian lol

wut cud this be lol? i no! i think its me! yes! mecca sylar wen ive gotten evry special peep pwr their iz lol! i may not b as sexy as mecca sylar but i shure am special! i dont think i wud be able 2 be stopped! i cud eat all the brains in the wrld n destroy mankind for no reason bcuz i haf no motif left!!!

my last 1...wut is this?? nooooooooo! i found luv it seems but...w/ that big green thing?? it cant be!!! i wont accept it! this will be my undoing?? my downfall?? i find luv in the fat green n ugly not the sexy hot n manly? i cant let this happen! i must change the future!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


omg i wuz so hi n hungry i totally kneaded sumthing 2 eat! so u no wut? it wuz time 4 a good ol fashioned killing spree! i hafnt rly been on 1 since my cross country adventure so i figured it wuz about time! unfrotuneatly i wuz in manhattan n wud cause a seen w/ a spree so i kneaded 2 go sumwhere no 1 cared jersey!

once there n in a sity i wuz quickly greated by the local wildlife! a daughter of the street came up to me

icky prostitute woman: Lookin' for a good time, honey?

me!: ewwwww no ur a grl!!!!

she wuz licking her lips provocatively n i mind trick pulled her tongue out. she tried 2 scream but cudnt lol it wuz so funie! i totally froze her n her nippies stuck out how embarrassing! then i feasted on her brian.

a women then stepped out of a cab after a night of drinking. she had 2 wlk dwn a dark alley 2 get home n i followed her. she strted wlking faster n noticed i wuz behind her n she like turned around n omg tried to spray me with girly spray but i mind trick stopped her!

Woman: Please don't rape me!

me!: lolz dont flatter urself!

mmmm anuther brian in the belly as i tore her apart. 1 more target! a man w/ a garbage bag came up 2 me n showed me wut wuz inside

Street Hustler: Wanna buy a watch, man?

me!: timepeace lolz

Street Hustler: What the hell is a time piece?

me!: ur broken u silly billy goat!

i proseeded 2 brutally tare open his skull! he let out a bloodcurdling scream n i giggled in response as i removed his supple brain n took a bite

omg these brians were so good! they had nvr tasted this good b4. heavenly! my taste buds were dancing in joy as i feasted! i wish i cud alwayz xperience this but i had no stoned hippy brian left to amplify my taste buds! 2 bad but it wuz good while it lasted! i got 2 go on a killing spree n eat sum tastey brians! o well i had my fun i guess itz back 2 werk. i knead 2 find more pwrs!

Monday, April 23, 2007

manic depressive!

omfg so yea i totally went back 2 mohindys house n saw that he n petey were both still sporked 2 the ceiling n wall respectively just were i left them it made me feel good!

well u no i wuznt feeling like it wuz time 2 finish the job yet. i dont no y but it doesnt just seem like the write time yet! maybe on monday yes monday that wud be good!

newayz since i wuznt in a killing mood their wuznt much else 2 do but sit back relax n have a cup of chai! i almost drank evil mohindys poisoned chai but my wits were 2 smart 4 him so i thru it in his face n giggled!

so w/ no chai i had nothing 2 do but shoot the wind! iz that the write xpression? i think so! im so bad w/ these things. that wuz more mohindys territory. o wut a team we made but no more! i culdnt talk 2 mohindy bcuz he tried 2 kill me n broke my lil sylar heart. so they're wuz only 1 choice 2 go w/...the emo 1.

me!: omg like hi!

Peter: "Hi?" Such a meaningless phrase of emptiness from a man devoid of all emotional capabilities.

me!: wut do u mean? i luv things! i luv boys! milo ventimiglia is hot!

Peter: A man capable of killing innocent human beings is not capable of feeling the dark emotion of love. A man must be able to feel emotional pain to know love. You obviously do not.

me!: that hurts! i kin feel things! im human! im just totally special lol!

Peter: If by "special" you mean the metaphorical equivalent of the heartbreak of your first love leaving you for a more masculine man, then I agree.

me!: ur worse 2 talk 2 than mohindy!

Peter: From one who is so emotional crippled and as shallow as you, I am not surprised. You act like a cheerleader, the most shallow of all beings.

me!: omg thanx im glad u noticed! do u like my nails

Peter: No, they're petrifying.

me!: o so thats how it is huh? well then mayb we shud get write back 2 it!

so it wuz time 2 finish petey off. i removed the sporks from him n mohindy n held them tight w/ my mind trick instead! i raised my arm in the pose that i had left petey n mohindy in the last time i saw them n continued from wear i had left off....