Sunday, September 30, 2007

Opposite Day!

Hey guys! I've been like, searching for friends 'n stuff! I realized that Dr. Phil was like totally right! If only he had agreed to be my friend, he'd like, still be alive, lol. Oh well! I hate bald guys anyways. They're icky!

So I went to option #2, which was like, a totally sexy option, involving a man with some sweet, hot rims. Mr. Glasses! He left me a comment on this post the other day and it made me think of something! I knew his screen name and totally gave him an IM!

Mr. Glasses hurt me. Oh well! I guess I'll have to kill his daughter sometime, lol! Wait, I would have done that anyways, lol! Anyways! I need to find someone else to be my friend! Maybe I should look to some of my Burnt Toast Diner internet friend bloggers! But who?!?!?!

Thursday, September 27, 2007

OMG A Trip to the Surface!

OMG Mohindy has me like, so mad! Spreading rumors, chattin behind my back like I'm dead or somethin! And now I find out that he totally has a live-in BF in fat dislexic cop, Park Mattman! Aaaarch, I'm like, so mad I could throw a pillow at a catepillar! And then cry! And then kill someone! And then cry again!

So I figured it was hella time to rise up to the surface and like, maybe take a shower or something! But that wasn't THAT important! No, first thing was to like, heal my many emotional wounds that Mohindy caused me! So I knew it was time to go to a shrink! And I decided to go to Texas, to the best shrink there is!

Yeah, this guy! I like, totally knew him from Oprah! I used to watch them together while I was eating brain splits covered in hot fudge 'n whipped cream 'n brain juice lol! Anyways, his receptionist didn't want to let me in for some reason or something! So I like, killed her and just told the sexy doctor that I was his next patient lol!

So, I sat down 'n told him my story about Mohindy 'n junk, 'n he kinda just stood there 'n looked at me 'n pondered! When I finished though he started to give me his wise wisdom!

"You need to get out of this relationship," he said. "It's destructive to your life! I mean, look at you! You're covered in some sort of red substance, and you've got chunks of little red stuff all over your face! You are a mess! You need to turn your life around!"

"Oh, lol, I didn't know I had brain on my face, sorry doctor," I said as I wiped the brain off with my sleeve. "But like, anyways. I can't forget Mohindy! I don't have anything else left in life! Except maybe that sexy guy Petey, but he might, like be dead! And angry at me 'cuz I tried to kill him 'n junk."

"Well in times of tough relationships, it's always good to lean on family! That's what they are there for, Mr. Sylar!"

"Uh, that's not really an option, lol."

"Friends then! Friends are good people to lean on!"

"Fr...Friends?" I asked, a like, totally stupid look on my face.

"You don't have any friends, do you Mr. Sylar? Maybe, instead of worrying about relationships, you should worry about getting some friends, first! They can do wonders, and frankly, it just isn't healthy to be without any of them!"

I thought for a second or two...or maybe like 10 minutes lol. Sorry, it takes me a while to think. Anyways! After many minutes of totally awkward silence, I had a bright idea! "Um, like, doctor? Would my friend?"

"I'd love to be your friend, Mr. Sylar," the doctor responded with love and what I knew was definitely lust!

"That's hella sweet! Do you wanna go back to my place and give me a makeover? I just got a new makeup set and I totally want to try it out! Oh, and I could give you a new hairdo! I've totally got this awesome set of weaves that I could put in your bountiful hair to make it like, super sexy!"

The doctor looked at his watch. "I believe our time is up."

"But I need a friend! I totally need someone to eat brai...I mean, ice cream with, and cry and talk about boys and all that girl stuff!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sylar, but I don't have time to talk boys. I have other patients!"

I was like, totally flying into a rage or something! He wasn't my friend! He was just, like, humoring me 'n junk!

"You're not my friend! You're like, totally a robot!" I shrieked, using totally stupid slang that I knew some weird California kid uses!

I guess I kinda lost it there lol. Let's just say that when the doctor's next patient came in, he kinda saw something like a dead doctor on the ground with half a head and his brain missing. Oops lol! I just can't help myself sometimes!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Mohindy, You F(r)iend!

Mohindy, you friend! Wait, um, is that the word I'm looking for? I don't think so cause friends are usually peeps who are nice 'n junk to you. I don't know, I haven't had many, but maybe Future Sylar, who is kinda me lol. Anyways, what's like, the opposite of friend? A mean peep who has avalanches in their heart? Oh yeah, a fiend! That's what I definitely meant! Mohindy, you fiend lol!

Right when I get ready to make my triumphant comeback he spreads lies about me! Like how when all the football players...and cheerleaders...and band geeks...and nerds...and pretty much everyone of the school spread lies about me trying on cheerleader uniforms when I was in high school! Oh wait, that was true, lol. But something like that! I can't think of a better like, comparison 'n junk! So anyways! I'm ready to make my triumphant comeback 'n Mohindy, that fiend, my ex, jealous lover, spreads lies that I am dead!

Ok, so um, maybe Mohindy wasn't an ex lover, sadly, oh how I wanted that hot professory man. But it was like, not to be. I think he was worried about having an affair with one of his students or something, I don't know lol. Or his experiemental test subject. Same thing!

And maybe Mohindy didn't lie about me being dead. I guess he really did think I was dead or something. I mean, I guess this would leave that thought or something!

OMG look how pathetic I look all lying there, dead 'n stuff! Oh wait, I'm not dead. Am I? Is this ghost Sylar? No! Don't let Mohindy convince you you're dead, you idiotic sexy idiot! Why am I talking to myself? Live Sylars don't talk to themselves! That's what dead Sylars do, ahhhhhhhhh!

Ok, ok! I promise you guys, I am alive (I think)!? 'N maybe Mohindy saying I was dead wasn't the work of a jealous ex-lover! Maybe I am the jealous ex-lover! And this is what I will do to Mohindy when I come across him! If I can't have him, like, no one will lol!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Preview!: "Leave Claire Alone!"

OMG guys, hi! I've been like super busy, but I've got a spare sec to share somethin' hella interesting with ya'll! I wanna give all my friends a taste of what's to come starting Sep. 25, so I'll give ya guys a little story while I totally eat my lite dinner of rat brains. Ending up in this sewer was like, a great thing for me! It helped me start that diet I've always wanted to start up! And I'll take these low fat rat brains over veggies anyday! Veggies are yucky :( as is most other non-brain food lol.

So some guy/girl read my last blog post and somehow put two and two together and like got four! And THEN, like, somehow, through that like totally hard math problem (I would have guessed five), he realized that I was still alive! This got him all nervous and stuff. I guess he thought he was gonna eat his friend's brain or somethin', which is usually a safe guess lol, and ya know what, he was like totally right, because he was talking about Claire! He sent me a video of him whinin' like a lil Sylar lol, here he is!

Some of my favorite parts, lol:

"You’re lucky she even saved the world for you, bastard! Leave Claire alone! PLEASE!”

"Speaking of heroism, when is it it heroic to try to kill someone who is going through a hard time?!"

"Leave Claire Bennet alone right NOW! I mean it! If you want to kill her and take her specialness, you deal with me!"

Lol, that's good stuff! Like, more girly than I am somehow, and that's totally a first, I mean, girls aren't even girlier than me lol! Anyways, I thought I'd invite him to my lovely sewer home to, you know, girl talk 'n stuff, maybe do our nails together, 'n probably end a lovely, fun-filled evening with my new gal pal by tearing open his skull 'n eatin' his sweet brain so he doesn't try to stop me from killing Claire later lol! I guess I could totally take a break from my new diet to fill up on some whiney emo feminine guy brains! I got a super fly image in my head of a lock of sexy blonde hair falling onto the floor, Petey style lol.

Anyways, before I invited him over I totally figured something out!. I know what you're thinking, "Wait a minute...Sylar, figuring something out?!" lol, yes it's true, sometimes even I have a bright idea! Well, maybe not a bright idea, but definitely some kind of idea! And this was a good one! So here's my like, smartest idea ever: there is like, no freakin' way that a person this silly could exist! It's way too...what's that word they use...oh yeah - mellon dramatic, lol. Kinda like this guy Sendhil Ramamurthy's acting, who looks kinda like my ex-lover Mohindy. He's got Mohindy's looks, but not his brains! Hmmm, that relationship would work out better for me lol! I need someone on equal smarts ground as Sylarz!

Anyways! I figured it could be a practical joke! But who would play such a joke? It had to be someone who could like, shapeshift! Could it be Candice? I didn't think so, cuz I didn't know her, and my old BFF Future Sylar told me that the first time he met her was when he ate her brain lol. Oh how I miss that sexy man.

Then it hit me. Who else could make super sweet illusions but my friend Future Sylar?! He was playing this, like, totally funny joke on me! It had, like, to be him lol! Even though I thouroughly killed him can you guess? Brain eating! But I'm sure he could find a way to survive, and he had to like be alive, he had to be through the power of Sylar love! My heart has brought you back Future Sylar, I can feel it!

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A, Like, Return to Sexiness!

OMG, hi guys, it's been so long! Sorry for like, my totally long absence, but after I ate that hot guy's brain I kinda had to go 'n try to kill Petey, lol! I was planning on posting right after that, I swear! But I got stabbed and, like, had to nurse myself back to sexiness with some icky turtles!

Ewww, they were gross...

But there is some news that's da bomb! Eating that guy's brains gave me the power of super grammar, as you can see! I don't type like a teenage girl anymore! But don't worry, I still act like one, lol. Anyways, with this hella ability I can prolly totally seduce smart guys like Mohindy! Yay!

Well, I guess that's about it for now! I'm kinda busy gaining the super awesome power of being a turtle ninja! It's hella sweet. But I just wanted to let all my friends know that if they miss me, I'll be back! Not yet, though, I'm thinking somewhere around September 24th or something, that date seems about right.

In the meantime you can read about my past adventures until then! Why not catch up with my former BFF, Future Sylar? Or maybe one of my fun times with Mr Glasses (I miss him :( ). Or my epic battle with Simon Cowell! So much fun to read up on! Just check out my blog archives on the right!

Remember guys, leave the love if you want me to start posting again on September 24! If you've all forgotten about me, I won't bother :(, but if you want more Sylarz, drop me a comment, lol! Hope to ttyl!