Thursday, May 17, 2007

sylarz jumps the shark!

well hear we r only a few more adventures til my triumphant xplosion n itz time 2 jump the shark. lets watch!

i arrived @ a big building in nyc wear i new i wud find the man from the company i wuz looking 4. i new this dude like had sumthing like the pwr of good grammar.

i rode up a elevator n wen i got off i saw him.

on the left, justin vp of like primatech paper n his russian bodyguard vladimir sputnikskyov

well the place wuz kinda packed w/ peeps so i figured i wud do this the easy way. i wuznt 1 4 cajun styled brainz but i didnt want 2 get my hands dirty killin all these peeps individually! i usually dont due that if itz more then 50 peeps or so. so i blewed up, xploding the whole room! peeps shrieked as they were engulfed in flames omg it wuz so funny lol. they were all like phoenixes! xcept i dont think theyd be rising from the ashes lol.

i looked around the corpses n didnt c the vp tho! wear cud he b? it wuz then that i saw he n sputnikskyov emerge frum the bathroom. sputnikskyov like totally saw me amongst all the death n destruction n charged @ me like an enraged prostitute who has yet 2 contract a std! i mind trick sawed off his leg n he fell b4 he reached me lol.

i force pinned justin against the wall n raised my finger 2 begin opening up his brain.

"Wait, stop! You can't do this," he whined like a lil baby

'actually i think i kin! ive killed many a peep b4 u silly!'

"But I created you!"

i wuz confused by this statement. i thought babies were created by mommies n daddies? not paper company vps that r younger then u. i kneaded 2 uncover the truth! 'wut do u mean?'

"I am your author! You came from my head!"

'wut?! no silly im sexy sylar! i write my own posts! n i knead ur pwr 2 b like totally cool!'

"No! Your terribly bad grammar is my satire of internet culture and speak! When thinking up a way to parody you, I thought, 'what is the complete opposite of an insane serial killer?' And that is you! And now the only reason you want my power is because I'm sick of typing like an idiot!"

i wuz confused. i looked dwn @ sputnikskyov 4 guidance.

'iz he telling the truth mr bodyguard?'

"If I tell you, will you let me live?" he axed.

'ummmm, prolly not but i wont eat ur brain while ur still alive how bout that?'

"Sounds good to me. I'm not his bodyguard, I'm his nurse. He's crazier than democratic society."

that wuz all i kneaded 2 hear! i killed sputnikskyov w/ a quick mind trick n then sliced open justins skull his sweet grammatical brain xposed. i like feasted yummily!

i just finished my meal of brainz now im rdy 2 type 2 c my knew pwr @ werk....

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

rip future sylar

well guyz itz time 4 my last plotline b4 i xplode! if u wanna read about my awesome battle w/ caveman u kin hear but i haf sumthing else going on!

im kinda sad that i killed future sylar...he wuz 1 kool guy. my 1 n only bff. who else cud understand a brain eating cross dressing cereal killer then himself n mayb his mom. n now both of those peeps r dead! waaaaaaah

well o well that just like amplifies my rage n want 2 kill evry1 lol. but future sylar taut me many things n the 1 thing that stands out most of all iz that good grammar is like totally coolz! i knead 2 get that skill but i kint due it myself! im 2 stupid lol!

luckily 4 me i think i no sum1 w/ the pwr of good grammar! i met him while i wuz like imprisoned like a fat dyslexic cop in a sylar cell lol! he wuz like the vp of the company or sumthing!

while using my totally awsum hearing pwr i heard that there is like a paper convention hear in nyc or sumthing! that means the big wigs @ primatech will b hear hehehehe.

ill avenge u future sylar! ill murder ur wait no...i guess i kint due that. ill preserve ur memory or sumthing lol. yes that i kin do! ill make u proud by earning the pwr of good grammar!

Friday, May 11, 2007


future sylar! that cur! that usurper! that like big doodie head! 1st he tells me that he and future mohinder r partners in crime n sumtimes get 2 play spin the bottle! that wuz bad enuf! but now hes crossed the line! now hes come back in time to hit on present mohindy! the nerf! he already has his own mohindy! y must he steal mine??? i saw them getting rdy 2 go in2 a motel room 2gether!

yes thats him! ok i no mayb it looks familiar mayb it is present me n mohindy a month or so ago but ive planted the evidence now no 1 kin tell its rly future sylar n i did rly c those 2 2gether! i knead like the pwr 2 take piccies w/out a cam or sumthing lol!

newayz evn tho future sylar n i were knew bffs i just cudnt allow this. so i sat in the dark petting mohindy the lizard evilly my face covred in shadow until he got home. he did! n turned the light on n jumped wen he saw me!

"OMFG you scared me, silly billy! What are you doing like, sitting in the dark 'n stuff?"

'wear were u lol?' i axed

"I was totally killing peeps and eating brains, duh!"

'no! u were hittin on mohindy!'

"I would never do that! I know that's your man! I would never hit on the boyfriend of my best friend!"

'lies!' i showed him the piccy.

"Um, that's you, laugh out loud."
Enter away message text here.
it wuz then that i mind trick pinned him against the wall n stared at him w/ love adoration n hatred all at once!

"Um, what are you doing, laugh out loud."

'no1 puts theyre hands on my man n lives 2 tell about it!'

"Uh, laugh out loud, I don't think that's a very good idea. I could kill you!"

'but then u wudnt exist!'

"So?! I'd be dead anyways!"

'wait a min. if ur nething like me n i think u r u wudnt be smart enuf 2 no that!'

"Hmmm, oh my gosh, you're right! Well, I guess one of us is leaving without a brain and it should be me! But you're going to keep going forward in time and coming back and getting your brain eaten by your past self in an infinite loop!"

'omg no silly i no this is going 2 happen now so i wont go back in time!'

"No, silly, you're not that smart. I already killed Future Sylar back in my present, and just came back in time to get killed by Present you again!"

'o...well mayb im smarter!'

"Nope! And you're going to regret eating those tacos tonight!"

'howd u no i had tacos? wuteva lol'

newayz i started tearing open his skull n he giggled like a girl! i pulled out my ice cream scoop n 8 his brain like a pint of ben n jerrys! lol! i wuz shure 2 be pwrful now! but my stomack didnt feel good! i teleported into the bathroom!

kneadless 2 say i came out future sylar pwrless! his brain went write thru me thanx 2 those cursed tacos! if only i cud teleport back 2 warn 5:00 PM sylar not 2 eat them! but alas my teleportation thingie wuz gone! dwn the potty like a broken dream!

o well lol. i got my vengeance! n i kin alwayz kill that azn boy n be able 2 teleport! soon it will happen!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

sno globes n sizzers n dead mommies o my!

2day wuz a totally lonely day! future sylar is off sumwear suspishusly stoned hippy is dead n wen i called mohindy he didnt seem 2 wanna talk as if! he evn tried 2 call the cops on me that hurts mohindy!

well newayz theirs alwayz 1 peep who wud always appreciate sylarz even wen evry1 else has abandoned him n thats mommy!!! unfortun8ly she still thinks of my as 'gabriel' omg i h8 that image of me! but 2 c her i figured i better not go dressed as a totally hot chick w/ the fashion sense of laura bush. instead id be a total watchmaker nerd man i h8ed that!

newayz mommy wuz totally luving me n wanted me 2 b specialz but when i tried 2 show her my specialness i totally threw a sno globe at her face lol! i thawt it wuz prty funny but i guess she didnt she ran away like a scared sylarz wen he sees a ugly peep!

newayz i tried 2 get 2 her but she wudnt haf ne of it! she tried 2 kill me with like sizzers lol!

silly mommy! she thinks im merciful 2 mommies! but no! i am even more vishus 2 mommies! espec my mommy! i sizzers stabbed her lol it wuz prty funny!

ok well mayb i showed a lil emotion frum stabbing mommy but it wuz only bcuz it wuz my time of the month (figuratively speeking lol)! newayz since she wuz mommy i figured it wud b best 2 leaf her skull intact n not eat her brian lol since i owed her that much 4 raising me in2 the special ladylike he-she ive bcome! but i DID paint the future in her blood so thatz almost as good as eating brians lol!

newayz a weener hiro came n tried 2 kill me but i foiled him *yawn*. i guess that wuz prty much it 4 the day! i wunder wear future sylar iz? if i no him and i do since hes me and i no me hes prolly doing sumthing stupid and/or sexy. hopefully not sumthing ill b jealous of tho!

Friday, May 4, 2007

omfg sleepovr lol!

ive finally found the 1 that i luv! its me! from the future lol (tho im prty awsum in my present form as well)! newayz me in future sylarz had a sleepovr last night! it wuz fun! we painted nails did hair watched sad movies! but the best part of the knight wuz wen i decided to call peter!

omg omg he actually answered! "Good bye," he greeted

i wuz confused by his greeting! 'good by?" i axed.

"Yes, it is futile to say 'Hello,' since eventually we all part, anyways. Whether it be to go to the store, to leave me for another man, or to get killed by a druggie ex. Such is Peter. Who is this?"

"OMG, what's he saying?" future sylar axed.

'omg shut up!' i said 2 future. i talked bck 2 petey. 'im just a sum1. i liek ur knew haircut lol'

"I hate it. It makes me want to die and makes me a shell of my former self."

'ur cute' i said

"I know, and emotionally deep. Is there any reason you're calling me?"

'um well...the reason im calling is bcuz....i think i like u!'

i hung up the fone n giggled madly!

"OMG, I can't believe you actually said it!"

'omg i totally no! i wunder wut he thinks? i hope he likes me 2!'

"I bet he does! Who couldn't like someone as sexy as you?"

'well...did he ever like me in the time between now n the future?'

"Um, well...let's have a pillow fight," future sylar exclaimed, changing the subject. and we did! we giggled n hit each othr w/ feathery pillows as in r sexiest lawngeray lol

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

2 brainz r totally bettr then 1!

omg omg omg! i liek totally met my future self i wanna tell u guyz all about it hes so kool n kinda hot lol! we had a totally like deep convo!

OMG I should be writing this fly introduction, I mean, I'm totally like the one who has the better writing ability and stuff! Anyways, I guess that's all we really need anyways, so I guess we should get into our conversation lol!

omg! its freakin me wuts goin on hear?!

Hi homey! I'm totally like you from the future lol!

no way!

Yes way!

wow i look prty hot but how come im not dressed sexily

OMG you look totally da bomb too! And I guess I'm not like dressed in your Past attire is 'cause I'm so used to being President. I'm the specialest person there is!

omg rly?? thats so kewl! how did they let a weirdo cereal killer murderer girl man liek me bcum pres??

'Cause! I can totally create illusions! See?

*Future Sylar illusions himself*


omg u r like sooooo hot! how do u not take advantage of urself??

I do, you silly billy goat!

lol even after years of futureness n lookin like a totally hot dude its still me under their!


So that was like, it! What a time Past Sylar and I have been having! We get along so well! We're gonna do each other's nails in a minute!

gimme my blog back future sylar lol! wut a sweet sexy man he is but i knead 2 keep up w/ my peeps! so wut do u guyz think of wut i bcum? pres n way special n capable of turning in2 hotness that i kin take advantage of wenever i want its like totally awsum! well i guess thats all 4 now! toodles!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Guest Poster: Future Sylar

Heys guys! Guess what? It's me, Future Sylar! I bet you're wondering how I got here to Present Sylar's blog, huh? Well it's simple, really! I beat Future Peter in our fight (he escaped though, poo nuggets!) and then went and ate Future Hiro's brain from his dead carcass and went back in time and now here I am!

I bet I know what else you're wondering...Yes I am coherent! But don't worry, I'm like...still myself lol! I've just been holding back a little to surprise you! BUT it's amazing what can become of me in five years, isn't it? I mean, five years in dark times will improve anyone's grammar, don't you think! That and in five years' time it has become like, totally uncool to type things with bad grammar, I'm so ashamed looking at this blog! That and like, I ate someone's brain with the power of good grammar. I guess that helped a little bit too, lol.

But you know what? It's like good that I can type and talk kinda normal now! I mean, if I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to be like Fake Future President Nathan. I mean, look at my totally awesome trickery!

"My fellow Americans. Today is the anniversary of a great tragedy in our history, one which will never be forgotten..."

OMG that is so funny! I don't even know how I do it without laughing! Retard bad grammar Sylar wouldn't be able to do it but I can get by, but just barely lol!

So what else is radical about my new grammar? Well, for one thing, slang from the '90s has become popular again lol! So, I can say that Orlando Bloom is totally da bomb, which I can say in this present time because he's dead in the future (Someone *cough cough* may have stolen his dope elven powers).

Anyways, I'm like hoping to meet up with my homes present Sylar. OMG, no, not to warn him, I like totally love the future! I'm the specialest homey around AND I am the leader of the free world! Present Sylar will be sooooo surprised to hear that! Anyways, the real reason I want to chill with him is because he's like totally the flyest cat around and to let him know that he is like following the right path to boys! Power equals boys, present Sylar, lol! Oh, and fix your grammar! It's like, totally unattractive or something lol.