Saturday, December 29, 2007

One Last Hurrah (For Now)!

Well, Sylarkins thinks its about time for a bloggin' hiatus; with not much new goin' on in my life, it's hard to keep an updated diary lol! But I'll still be posting on Burnt Toast Diner, so look for me there! Anyways, before I go into hibernation, I have one more song for you! A compilation me 'n Petey did together called "Let Him Kill," lol!
This = Me singing
This = Peter singing
This = Both of us singing

Oh the Sylar outside is frightful
But the brains are so delightful
And since we've no reason to live
Let him kill, let him kill, let him kill!

He doesn't show signs of stopping
And I've got some skulls for the lopping
My life isn't worth a bill
Let him kill, let him kill, let him kill!

When I finally turn to men
How I'll hate defacing your hot bod
Well you better kiss me then
You're dead and I've still got your rod!

Well I am slowly dying
Your brain's tastey, I ain't lyin'
As long as you get your fill
Let him kill, let him kill, let him kill!

Lol. Unfortunately, Petey's not dead. This is just his like, fantasy! Well, with that, I'll say toodles! Don't worry, I'll be back! And remember to look for me on Burnt Toast!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Writer's Strike 2: Scab Sylar!

After my silly standoff with the Pres. of NBC, I scampered off, like a cute, fluffy, homicidal, brain-eating squirrel, off to destroy the writers themselves!

After a few shopping stops on the way (I like, had to look my best for every murder. After all, the first impression is the only impression for peeps I kill, lol), I made it to the writer's strike picket line!

I stepped up to the line. This was going to be easier than I thought! These writers were sicky gross! Like a cockroach with Herpes! The strongest, most fearsome kind! It was like, totally obvious why these peeps were like, behind the scenes! Look!

Eeek! I know, I was like, totally skerred too, OMG! But I knew what I had to do! I went up to this thing, 'n like, shook my hot butt in front of his face!

"What are you doing?" it asked.

"Lol! I'm turning you on you sexy, sexy man! And you can get a whole lot more if you start writing my favorite shows again, like 21 Jump Street!"

"Uh, I'm a woman."

A woman?! OMG, no! My like, whole plan was foiled! Well, time for plan B! Murder!

"Super mind trick, activate!" I shouted, like, totally activiting my mind trick. But before I could kill the freakish gross cow of the man beast, I heard a voice shout!


OMG! It was totally my nemesis! Well, my nemesis from my lost post anyways, lol! The Pres. of NBC! He had...ZOMBIE POWER! :o

"Sylar, don't do it! His brain is virginal and stringy! It'll give you indigestion! I was wrong. You are Sylar! I want you to write for Heroes! Come up with some new whacky adventures for...yourself!"

"OMG! So you're saying I'm NOT Zachary Quinto? Who am I then?"


I giggled at him. "Nope! Not good enough! Say it the right way!"

Zombie Pres. sighed. "Do I have to?" I nodded. "Fine. YOUR NAME IS SYLAR!"

"Boom," I giggled. "Well, I guess, I could be your scab or something. There's just one more thing!"

"What's that?"

Well, I have to say, I was getting hungry, lol, and that was kinda the "one more thing." I tore open his skull, and reached for his brain.

"Um, Sylar? You already ate it."

"Oh yeah, lol! Fine! I'll write for you! Even without stealing your super cute zombie powers!"

I was happy! I was going to be a writer! This was like, cause for celebration! I put on my Santa outfit and went out to celebrate!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Writer's Strike! (Pt. 1)

OMG! All my favorite shows, like, aren't on anymore! And it's all cause of this darn writer's strike! The OC! Melrose Place! 90210! All not on because these poopyheads won't write! Well, I'm a writer! I thought I'd go to NBC headquarters and demand them accept my writing talents or like, die, lol!

So off I went, to see the President of NBC himself! I was like, totally surprised that I got in without much of a hassle, 'n could frolic around the elegant NBC grounds freely!

I was a little disappointed because, you know, killing people's fun 'n stuff. But anyways, I got all the way to the President of NBC's office, 'n wouldn't have had to kill any peeps, but I was hungry, so I tore out a few brains 'n had lunch on the way, lol!

The Pres greeted me with a warm smile. I had never been smiled at once before in my life! Well, I like to think that my hunk Mohindy has, but then I think I may be lying to myself. Anyways, he shook my hand, hard, like a man! He frowned as he shook my limp grip, lol, but I've gotta be ladylike!

"Zachary! What brings you here? You know we have no work to give you with the writer's on strike!"

I was, like, totally confused! "Zachary?" I asked, "No, my name is Sylar," I said calmly, but with slight sexy anger.

"Hahahaha!" the President guffawed like a pregnant donkey! "Good one, Zachary!"

"My name is Sylar," I said again, my anger rising!

"Ok, Zachary, let's not beat a dead horse, here," the President said, with a small laugh.

Well, I had no idea what beating a dead horse had to do with anything, but it totally sounded fun! Hmmm, maybe horsey brain tasted good? I'd never tried it! I'll have to sometime, lol! But I was getting ahead of myself! I had to get things straight about my name. "MY NAME IS SYLAR!" I shrieked womanly, pressing my hands against imaginary glass between me 'n the Pres 'n drooling rabidly! It was not pretty, but necessary, lol!

"No, Zachary. Your name is Zachary Quinto. Sylar is a character you play on TV. Sylar doesn't really exist. He's the Jessica to your Niki, if you will."

"How do you know Niki?!" I shrieked like a clubbed Nancy Kerrigan!

"She is a creation of NBC, Mr. Quinto," the Pres said evilly! He was like...Walt Disney or somethin'!

I was goin' crazy! Was I just made up?! A split personality of some unspecial, unsexy loser actor? It couldn't be! Well, there was only one way to find out, I lifted a finger to his skull, ready to use my mind trick!

"What are you doing, Zachary? Trying to use telekinesis?" He giggled at me! "Go ahead and try."

"I will!" I shrieked! I close my eyes and used my mind trick! I was expecting the Pres to be right! I was expecting to open my eyes and see him there, laughing at me!

Well, I opened my eyes...and found a dead Pres with half his skull cut off. Lol! I guess Sylarz do exist after all! The only problem...was that I was supposed to demand that the Pres make me a writer, and now he was dead! Oh well, I guess I'd have to go to the writers themselves! Uh oh, the Pres' brain was starting to ooze out! 'N I had just eaten a full meal and was like, totally full!

I wrapped up the brain in a doggie bag (I always keep a few on me for such emergencies, lol), and went off to find the writers...

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


The whiney sexy Maya was like, dead! Mohindy came back! He gave me my powers back! He didn't love me. But he was about to be dead too! And then I'd love him! But like, Maya was alive again! OMG! So, like, things didn't go totally according to plan, but the most importantest part is that I'm back to my watch making, boy watching, brain eating self, lol!

I injected myself with Claire Bear blood, and as I did, I totally felt the power of the cheerleader flow through my blood or something! I knew I could totally let out the cheer of rabid, bloodthirsty cheerleader! And that made me happy. I like, tested my power on a can or something! Success! All that was left was, like, a live test subject or something! And Mohindy had prolly already run away like a lil boy who likes to pretend to be a girl and gets made fun of as a youth but ends up growing up to be an insane cereal killer who kills the make-funners. So I just like, decided to use my mind trick against the first thing I came across, lol! And in NYC, what else would that be but a crack head? Lol!

I saw this guy around the corner. He looked totally icky, and a big reason I like, haven't been able to kill these smelly hobos is because I don't like to get my dainty hands dirty. And now I didn't have to! But I didn't want to kill him out in the open. So I tied a penny to a string, and threw it out in front of him to lure him into my alley of villainy or something!

"Crack money!" said the crackhead, lol.

He reached over to grab it, but I tugged on the string! He like, ran to get it again, but I tugged again! He kept chasing it into my alley until I pulled it to me and picked up my penny, smiling evilly and sexfully at the smelly crackhead!

He looked at my pitifully with his sexy, bloodshot crackhead eyes, and I didn't think I had the heart to do it! I mean, it's been like, so totally long since I've been a bloodthirsty cereal killer! I hadn't even killed anyone in like, forever! Except for Candice. Oh, and that random guy that rode with us in smelly Maya & Alejandro land. Oh, and sexy Alejandro. Oh, and Maya. But she doesn't count, 'cause she's alive again and I like, was totally planning that! I definitely was! So how could I kill this cute lil crackhead with so lil recent killing experience? Three people in a few weeks?! In used to be like, three people in a few minutes, lol!

It was then that it happened. The crackhead puked on my cute new shoes. "NOOoooOOocoOOOooOOOoooOOOoOO!" I shrieked! My super mind trick was put to use, and it like, worked like a knife going through cement, lol! I chopped the top of his head off and tore forth his brain and sank my teeth in! Oh, like, sweet, tastey brain! It's been so long since I've tasted your tastfully tastey goodness! Well, this one wasn't so good. It kinda tasted like crack or some junk. But it was brain!

And now my adventures will continue! I feel like my addiction to crack...I mean, brains has totally returned! I will continue eating, brains, until my hunger for power and crack...uh, brains, has been satisfied! Until then, I will hopefully be able to post weekly (on or around Tuesday) about my brain eating adventures and other stuff! If I forget a week or two, don't fret, I'll return! So now, off I go, in search of some nice, tastey, powerful crack!

Friday, November 30, 2007

A Showdown of Sylarz!

Future Sylar and I stood in a showdown, him ready to tell me a horrifying truth!

"You're straight," he said. "There's nothing you can do to prevent it. You're as doomed as an ninth grade boy in drag trying out for the cheerleading team!"

"I'm, like, as doomed as myself?"

"Oh yeah, that was us, wasn't it?" Future Sylar mused.

"Yeah, I should totally go and kill that cheerleading coach 'n all the lil girlies on the team one day."

"Already did it," Future Sylar said with a smile.

"OMG, yay! You're so super cool!"

"You realize that we're like, in a showdown, and that I'm going to kill you and steal your man so I can become Sexy Sylar again, right?"

"But...if you let ME have Mohindy, then won't you like, never be straight in the future, considering I like, fixed the problem in the past?" I asked.

"Silence, cur, lol! Logic is not the way of the Sylar! Now, you must die!"

Future Sylar raised his hand, ready to mind trick the heck outta poor me, but I shouted, "Wait!" Future Sylar looked at me. "I'm not straight! You're not straight, either!"

"What are you talking about? I'm no longer Sexy Sylar. I'm Pimp Sylar! Oh, the tragedy!"

"No! You're not! Think about it. Our love for Mohindy, lust for Petey, the sexiness of Mr. Glasses. That doesn't just go away! Maya on a man's body? Come on, Future Sylar! We're like, totally bi!"

Future Sylar stared at me in silly silence, lol.

"If I was straight," I continued, "how come you're the sexiest thing these eyes have ever seen?"

Future Sylar lowered his hand. "Ditto. You're like, totally right!"

It was then that we were suddenly on a beach! Future Sylar had illusioned us! Like, hella awesome! We ran in like, slow motion towards each other thanks to Future Sylar's time abilities! If only we had slow motion bouncing boobies, it would be totaly complete! If only I had my cleavage generation powers!

We embraced, and suddenly, Future Sylar asked me, "Wait, you don't have a halberd hidden up your sleeve, do you?"

"A halberd? I don't even know what that is, silly, lol!"

"Just checking," Future Sylar smiled with love and lust. Our lips like, met!

It was totally the greatest moment in my life! I was totally in love with myself! I was so hot, sexy, sweet, and funny! The best guy I could ever find! I was so lucky to find myself, as myself was lucky to find me, lol!

It was then that I pulled the hidden halberd out of my sleeve, lol! It was the greatest moment of my life!

Future Sylar brains splattered all over my face! His, like, sexy lips turned blue and cold! He fell limp in my arms, and then to the ground. The beach totally like turned back into Mohindy's gross apartment. "You idiot," Future Sylar gasped. "You had it all. You had yourself. And now you lost it. And now you'll go back in time and kill yourself again."

"Lol, no, I'll know that I'd die and I totally won't go!"

"You're not that smart," Future Sylar said with his last, sexy dying breath.

He lke, totally had me there. Oh well! My nemesis was dead, Maya was crying and about to be dead, and Mohindy was coming to give me my powers back, love me, about to be dead too, and then love me again! Things are lookin' up for Sylarz! Lol!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Help Me, Mohindy!

Help, Mohindy! Help! I know you're reading this and can use your Indian know how and maybe a rain dance or two to totally rain sexiness and girliness upon me! I've come to the like, climax of my story, and things couldn't be worse or some junk! First of all, I kissed a totally icky girl 'n prolly got some sort of disease! I mean, they tell you not to drink the water in Mexico, right? Well, Maya was like, in Mexico, and she had a whole mouthful of water! Slimey, saliva-y water! I'll get salmonella!

Then, on top of that, I killed a hot, beautiful man! I had to! Or did I? Maybe I just wanted him dead because I found him unsexy? Urkel knows I've killed many a women before for such a reason, lol! But how's a Sylar to know?! Unless Urkel himself drops down from cancelled TV show heaven and like, tells me himself! But I can't think for myself! Like, everyone knows I've gotten through life on my looks alone, lol! Oh, and my mind trick. And now I only have twice as much of one thing, and none of the other!

Not only was kissing like, totally hot, but I got all turned on 'n stuff at the thought of having a dead male body behind me! And I didn't even get to eat his brain :( I've become no better than that cur, Future Sylar! I had to get to Mohindy before him, or I'd like, be lost forever! Or at least until I went forward in time so much that I became Future Sylar or somethin, lol. But anyways, I need to get to Mohindy first so he can get my mind trick back! If I don't have it before I face Future Sylar, I could always resort to my trusty mug of doom, lol. But that shouldn't be a problem, I got to Mohindy's house first! I can totally outrun a teleport, lol.

But now, I'm left alone in Mohindy's house with the vixen, Maya. I'm like, thinking totally unnatural thoughts! I tried to think back to my Mohindy fantasy to ease my mind, but this is all I got...

Maya on a man body? And why was Matt there? That fatty wasn't even sexy when I WASN'T suffering from a nasty case of hetereosexuality sickness, lol. What did it all MEAN?

"I know what it means," said a figure, stepping out of the shadows. I recognized him, like, immediately!

"Future Sylar!" I accused! And my accusation was, like, totally correct. It WAS Future Sylar! "Can you like, read my mind or somethin'?" I asked him.

"I don't know, can I?"

I thought about unicorns. "Their horns sure are pretty," Future Sylar said!

"Amazing! Wait a minute! This post was supposed to end on a dramatic cliffhanger, you know, like of you revealing yourself, but we're still talking, and ruining the cliffhangerness!" I shrieked at Future Sylar.

"What? Oh, you're right. Sorry about that."

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Betrayal II

Future Sylar! That cur! That usurper! That, like, big doodie head! I caught him in the act! Movin' in on MY woman! I mean...not like I care what he does with a girlie or whatever, but it's totally the principle of thing (kinda)! He's supposed to be gay! And I want Maya in the sack! Wait a minute...Whaaaaaaa?!?!

Anyways, it was time to pack up 'n keep drivin' so I went to like, get Maya. I knew where I'd find her. At the local Mexican restaurant of course! Where else would a Future Sylar be? When I saw what I like, saw, I stood there, totally shocked in rage 'n junk! I needed a new pair of underwear!

The cry baby (no, not Future Sylar, silly, lol) had totally been whinin' like a lil Sylar.

"Ah dios mio! I just...kissed a maaaaaan!" Maya blubbered.

Future Sylar gave her the attention a MAN would! He ignored her! What kind of sexy Sylar does THAT?!

Lil Maya burst into pathetic, hot tears of sexiness. "I just...I'm so happy!"

"You cry when you're happy too? Sweet Sylarz, is there any escape," Future Sylar said with Sylarness.

It was then that I finally burst out of my rage and charged towards Future Sylar, like, totally pointing my accusory accusing finger of accusation. "Usurper! Usurper! Usurper!" I cried, totally valiantly at the usurping usurper, with my coffee mug of doom in my other hand, ready to strike death into Future Sylar's sexy, usurping skull.

"Sybriel?" Maya asked, before bursting into tears again, confused at the presence of two identically sexy Sybriels.

Future Sylar was surprised to see me, but after the inital shock wore off, he like, asked, "Do you even know what that word means?"

"I...uh...It means, like, Future Sylar, lol!"

"Ok, ok!" Future Sylar hotly conceded, accepting my totally smart explanation. "You caught me! I'm not gay! I turned straight, just like you will!"

"My hot Mexican body turned a gay man straight?" Maya said, sniffling.

"You're not Mexican, you're Dominican Republican."

"Oh yeah," said Maya. "I can never tell the difference," she finished, snorting through her tears like an Urkel in heat. She like, took one of the tissues out that were stuck in her hair, blew her nose, and threw it out in the closes trash placey place: the top of Future Sylar's pimp hat. He glared at her, lol.

"Uh, Future Sylar, I'm like, totally gonna kill you," I said as I raised my coffee mug of doom to smash down on his pretty lil head, lol.

It was then that I felt the power of a mind trick for the first time! Future Sylar totally pinned me against the wall. "No, I'm afraid I am going to kill you."

"You can't! If you do, then you'll like, never exist!"

"I'm not sure how you were smart enough to know that, my dumb friend , but maybe non-existence is a good thing. I won't have to be so manly. I won't like sports, I'll have feely feelings, I won't find icky girls attractive and want to get them in bed. It'll be nothingness. Blissful, gay, nothingness. And maybe nothingness will totally do my nails for me."

"Sybriels, Sybriels, stop fighting!" shrieked Maya.

But Future Sylar had his mind trick finger of skull-cutting raised in front of my skull. He was totally, like about to tear it off when he stopped. "Maybe it's not too late for me," he sexfully thought. "Mohindy. If I found Mohindy, my one love, maybe I could reverse this curse. I just need those sexy Indian lips pressed against mine. Those Indian lips, which for some reason, like, totally eats cury instead of maize."

And with that, Future Sylar disappeared, teleporting to go steal Mohindy away from me! I had spent so much time worrying about icky girly Maya that I was may lose Mohindy! Wait, I said that Maya was icky? And I meant it, OMG! I think I was totally understanding what was going on with me!

But before I could cure my gross, totally unsanitary hetereosexuality sickness, I had to kill that filthy cur Future Sylar! And I was hella afraid that my coffee mug of doom wasn't enough to finish to do it. No, I needed a way to get into that skull, so I could get to Future Sylar's sweet, succulent brain. Fight fire with fire! I needed a hacksaw. Lol!