OMG! All my favorite shows, like, aren't on anymore! And it's all cause of this darn writer's strike! The OC! Melrose Place! 90210! All not on because these poopyheads won't write! Well, I'm a writer! I thought I'd go to NBC headquarters and demand them accept my writing talents or like, die, lol!
So off I went, to see the President of NBC himself! I was like, totally surprised that I got in without much of a hassle, 'n could frolic around the elegant NBC grounds freely!
I was a little disappointed because, you know, killing people's fun 'n stuff. But anyways, I got all the way to the President of NBC's office, 'n wouldn't have had to kill any peeps, but I was hungry, so I tore out a few brains 'n had lunch on the way, lol!
The Pres greeted me with a warm smile. I had never been smiled at once before in my life! Well, I like to think that my hunk Mohindy has, but then I think I may be lying to myself. Anyways, he shook my hand, hard, like a man! He frowned as he shook my limp grip, lol, but I've gotta be ladylike!
"Zachary! What brings you here? You know we have no work to give you with the writer's on strike!"
I was, like, totally confused! "Zachary?" I asked, "No, my name is Sylar," I said calmly, but with slight sexy anger.
"Hahahaha!" the President guffawed like a pregnant donkey! "Good one, Zachary!"
"My name is Sylar," I said again, my anger rising!
"Ok, Zachary, let's not beat a dead horse, here," the President said, with a small laugh.
Well, I had no idea what beating a dead horse had to do with anything, but it totally sounded fun! Hmmm, maybe horsey brain tasted good? I'd never tried it! I'll have to sometime, lol! But I was getting ahead of myself! I had to get things straight about my name. "MY NAME IS SYLAR!" I shrieked womanly, pressing my hands against imaginary glass between me 'n the Pres 'n drooling rabidly! It was not pretty, but necessary, lol!
"No, Zachary. Your name is Zachary Quinto. Sylar is a character you play on TV. Sylar doesn't really exist. He's the Jessica to your Niki, if you will."
"How do you know Niki?!" I shrieked like a clubbed Nancy Kerrigan!
"She is a creation of NBC, Mr. Quinto," the Pres said evilly! He was like...Walt Disney or somethin'!
I was goin' crazy! Was I just made up?! A split personality of some unspecial, unsexy loser actor? It couldn't be! Well, there was only one way to find out, I lifted a finger to his skull, ready to use my mind trick!
"What are you doing, Zachary? Trying to use telekinesis?" He giggled at me! "Go ahead and try."
"I will!" I shrieked! I close my eyes and used my mind trick! I was expecting the Pres to be right! I was expecting to open my eyes and see him there, laughing at me!
Well, I opened my eyes...and found a dead Pres with half his skull cut off. Lol! I guess Sylarz do exist after all! The only problem...was that I was supposed to demand that the Pres make me a writer, and now he was dead! Oh well, I guess I'd have to go to the writers themselves! Uh oh, the Pres' brain was starting to ooze out! 'N I had just eaten a full meal and was like, totally full!
I wrapped up the brain in a doggie bag (I always keep a few on me for such emergencies, lol), and went off to find the writers...