Monday, March 19, 2007

simon of oz!

prev on mmmm brains...


evil simon of oz ahhhh!

and now r story continues...


Simon: Hello, Niki...or should I say, Sylarz?!?!

me!: u!!!! u urkel killer!

Simon: That's right, I killed Urkel. And for every time you try to foil me, I shall kill another '80s or '90s family sitcom star, until they are all dead! Mwahahaha! William! Bring him in!

it wuz then that that weird dude william hung came in with none other than joey lawrence! oooo wuz he dreamy i had many a fantasy about him in my younger days.

Simon: Do it.

the crazy bad singer totally stabbed the hunk n then ran away giggling like a totally unsexy hyena! NOOOoooOOoocoOOoooOOOOoOO! i caught joey as he fell down n uttered his final werds in 1 dying breath.

Joey: Whooooa!

omg he totally died in my arms! this sent me into a flying rage. omg i totally mind trick pushed myself in the air. c if i push dwn against the grnd there iz an = n opposite reaction. this is useful in rocketry...and mind trick flying! even i no a lil about inertia lol! so once i wuz in the air i pushed myself against the back wall n sent myself flying at him like a cheerleader toss gone awry that sends her into the stands killing multiple fans w/ her razor sharp toenails as she lands! i did the same thing doing a spinning rocket death kick that wud shirley stop simon!

but it didnt werk! i like just totally went threw him like he wuz a ghost or sumthing! brrr i h8 ghosts they r scurry!

Simon: You, idiot! I'm not really a giant, misty head! I'm not even really here! Misty heads with booming voices are just my way of communicating with my allies! You see, this is my scheming room, where we get together and scheme evil plans! It is also my summer home.

me!: o. then wut r u doing here tlking 2 me?

Simon: I've come to make you an offer. You see, I am an evil doer. But the irony here is, so are you. You lobotimized Britney Spears, attempted to assassinate the President, sporked a professor to a ceiling, and perhaps worst of all, gave an emo child a haircut! It makes little sense that an evil doer of your magnitude would fight with me. You'd think that your arch nemesis would be a good guy, not a villain. And I, Sylar, am the most villainous of villains. My proposition, then, is this: we join forces. Our villainy could take on the good guys, like Jack Bauer! Or Jack Shepard! Or Jack Sparrow! Hmmm, there are a lot of good guys named Jack. Good thing our mum didn't choose that name for us, eh? It's like a death sentence! Kind of like being sentenced to be homosexual by being named Bruce, Lance, or Gabriel.

me!: i may b evil but i wud nvr kill a urkman! ill never join u! nvr!

Simon: Very well. I'm afraid I'm going to have to destroy you then, Sylar. You see, my American Idol Air Strike Force has just flown out to sea, and dropped my Kansas summer home into the water, directly above us. In mere minutes, the house will descend upon our location, crushing The Wicked Witch of the East, which happens to be the name of this base, even though it is in the Western Hemisphere and off the West Coast of the United States. Regardless, you shall be destroyed!!!

me!: but! ud destroy 2 of ur homes just 2 kill me?!

Simon: Please. After these two are destroyed, there shall still be 17 left. And while two fall, five more shall rise in their place. Mwahahahaha!

it wuz then that there wuz a crash. the house wuz like on top of us! this caused a trapdoor in the ceiling 2 open n jeremy fell dwn on the grnd next 2 me!

me!: jeremy! come on weve gotta get out of here!!!

Simon: Not so fast! Monkeys! Destroy them! Do not let them leave!



omg freakin monkeys came descending down from the rafters then! they cud fly! the icky beasts descended upon me like a elevator thats going dwn! xcept 1 that has icky monkey hands and smells like poo! they slapped n clawed at me and i shrieked! my sissiness wuz preventing me from using my mind trick! n jeremy wuz incapacited from the fall! either that or he wuz being lazy...that may actually b it. newayz he talked 2 me!

Jeremiah: Sylar! You have to calm down! You're our only hope of escape! You need to use your telekinesis! Kill the cursed beasts from the underworld! I have fallen down and I can't get up!

I have fallen down and I can't get up!

the werds rang w/ me. urkman! i kneaded 2 prevail so i cud avenge him. w/ the scream of a constipated giraffe i activated my super mind trick! monkey brainz were exposed n quickly eaten! the corpses of the vile critters lay b4 me lol!

after the last monkey wuz dead jeremy stood up!

Jeremiah: I've gotten up. Now let's get out of here!

we ran n ran n ran all the while we heard simons evil laughter echoing bhind us! we got back 2 the dock but found our sub had detached. o no!!! the glass cracked n broke n water totally got into the base. omG i hated getting all wet wen i wuznt xpecting it! the room starting filling up with water n the frame of the base wuz barely holding the kansas house up!

finally the wtr lvl wuz hi enuf! we swam 2wards the hole in the glass n tried 2 get out! i heard creaks in the frame as it collapsed n the house came crashing down on top of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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omg r we dead lolz?!?! ull have 2 wait til 2morrow 2 find out!!!

2 comments:

Mr. Bennet said...

I have to wait???

Well okay. I have nothing better to do.

Niki said...

I'm glad I got out of there in time!