Tuesday, March 6, 2007

heartbreak n showdowns n haircuts oh my!

its official. mohindy n i r no longer a item. i tried n tried 2 make it werk but he just wuznt putting the same effort into it i wuz! add that 2 the fact that he wuz a total tease by the end n i new it wuz over. hear look!

look at him whispering sweet nothings in my ear! n then did he put out? no! in fact he tried 2 kill me! i let peeps do a lot of things 2 me but trying 2 kill me totally isnt 1 of them! he had 2 pay hehehe.

so i flung him up onto the ceiling n he totally cried wen i shoved his assorted collection of sporks thru his body 2 totally keep him in place. r sporks indian utensils? i guess so. they haf them at kfc n wuts more indian than that! newayz he wuz cryin up their n i wuz hungry for brain but i didnt eat his cuz even tho i totally hated him now i still had sum feelings 4 him.

newayz! next came anuther total whiner! he wuz even worse than mohindy n mohindy wuz impaled by sporks!

emo clown: Boo hoo. Simone. Why? Death and darkness. My eyes are clouded with shadow. Or is that mascara?

while he wuz whining i jumped out of the shadows totally ambushing him like a crazy jack nickelson chasing a weiner kid thru a hedge maze! xcept i didnt haf an axe n rnt crazy n am better looking. i force pushed him against the wall n mind tricked his skull. but his skull wasnt the only thing i cut! i also trimmed his hair!

emo clown: My hair! NOOOooOOOoOOocoOOoOOOOoOO!

just as i wuz about 2 kill him i realized sumthing. i had more important matters 2 attend 2! so i sporked him 2 the wall n set up mohindys iv on him so he cudnt use his...er my pwr! looked like their wuz about 5 weaks of iv stuff 2 hold him dwn. hmm that seemed just write lol! i pulled a couple brainz out of my pocket (kept 4 emergencies) and put 1 next to emo clown n sporked the other 2 the ceiling next 2 mohindy. that shud keep them alive n kickin 4 a while!

i guess ill resume my murder about 5 weaks from now. until then i haf sum simon 2 hunt! toodles!


Mohinder Suresh said...

What a terrible predicament! Zane, which I now know is merely a moniker which you used to gain my trust, how could you be so cruel? Was I not a sufficient companion? Were we not making extraordinary progress? Perhaps you objected to my sudden alteration of means. I suppose one would not appreciate an attempt on their life. But to spork me to my own ceiling, for my father's theories, is quite ignoble! I will wreak vengence still, for one cannot stop destiny. And my destiny may be death, but your destiny is a stampede of verbal abuse brought by my volume of periodic accounts. Is it not destiny to have been impaled with a Blackberry? Surely it was fate that brought me this tool, so that I may bring my cyber-revenge down upon thee, like a verbose pounding of articulate fireballs.

Anonymous said...

Dude, you cut his hair. You KNOW he's going to kill you for that.

And thanks for putting Mohinder in a position so that I know where to find him! I guess he'll be hanging around his apartment for a while with no chance of being able to run away when I get back to NY.

You're such a good brain-eating pal! (^_^) I'd give you a cookie, but I'm afraid you'd bite my hand off with it.

Kitty said...

You mean, you won't be writing for 5 weeks? I'm a gonna miss you!

Mr. Bennet said...

Kitty, he'll be posting. But he took a break from killing Petey to go hunt down Simon Cowell.


Anonymous said...

Simon Cowell put me in jail.