Wednesday, March 21, 2007

a new grave n a old grave. the same grave (a ditch)

after my bout w/ carl weathers n nikis own adventure we got back 2gether n decided it wuz time 2 bury jeremy. we had left his stinking rotting corpse in the open back of r pickup in a 7-11 parking lot n figured it wuz best time 2 get rid of it b4 wwere suspected of hafing a rotting corpse n r truck. we also kneaded 2 visit a grave so we figured w/ cud totally kill 1 bird w/ 2 stones! we were off 2 the ditch.

we tosses jeremy into the ditch besides the skele of mr glasses'seseseseses dead mommy. i thru half a shovel of dirt on his body n figured that wuz enuf. i wuz started 2 glisten by then n i didnt want 2 get 2 sweaty n smelly lol!

i looked @ his body n totally puked in sadness. luckily wen i puke i puke kittens so thats wut came out.

at the arrival of the puke kitten a portal of fire n brimstone opened or sumthing! the evil mrs bennet descended upon us with her army of ghost kitties! the puke kitty from me recognized her as a hella cool cat lady n ran over to her. mrs bennet engulfed the kitten n flames n it scurried around in circles on fire til it totally fell dead. anuther ghost kitty joined her army lol!



me!: omg mrs glasses! u totally didnt lead us 2 simon!

Mrs. Glasses: No, I lead you to McWhiskers, which is whom I promised.

me!: but we knead simon!

Mrs. Glasses: Oh, well, you should have specified! Luckily for you, I also have a connection to that one, through the one that you call "C-Crest."

me!: but we totally lost him!

Mrs. Glasses: Indeed, but I happen to know that the Mother C-Crest is a fellow cat lady. Ryan is in Kansas, trying to put his mother in an old folks home. One...that doesn't allow pets! Beware of the catless cat lady. Such is the most vile of all evils you will ever face.

me!: thank u mrs glasses n thanx 4 the warning!

n w/ that the overly helpful n plot starting mrs glasses'seseses ghost disappeared. it wuz just me niki n two corpses in a ditch now. we were hella rdy 2 go after c-crest but b4 we did i figured i better say a few words 4 my old friend jeremy.

me!: jeremy wuz 2 young 2 die. he died at the tender age of 45. b4 his first kiss. b4 hafing a real job. y cud u not take me god?! or better yet niki/jess? i mean shes not even a hot guy! wut use is she?? instead u had 2 take the 1 guy i got the most action from! even if it wuz cpr it still totally counts! y god y?? he wuznt supposed 2 go this way! i wuz supposed 2 be the 1 2 kill him after he had outlived his usefulness n helped me destroy simon n wanted 2 try 2 convert me! i wud haf gotten a laugh seeing his face as i betrayed him n tore open his skull as he wuz in total surprise n started eating his brains while he wuz still alive! but now i wont get 2 laugh! dont u like seeing me laugh god?? y!!!!!

Jeremiah: You know, I'm still alive. And I don't appreciate your devious plan to use me and eat my brain when you're done with me. Is there anything I could do to change your mind?

i looked ovr n jeremy wuz totally standing right next to me!!! omg it wuz totally a miracle! i cud kill him after all! i beamed at him n tryed 2 give him a big kiss!

Jeremiah: Hey, now! I am breathing! No more CPR! I still taste your brain breath from then.

me!: sry. but how r u still alive?

Jeremiah: I was resurrected, obviously.

me!: huh?

Jeremiah: You know how in Mario you get a free live for every 100 coins you get? Well it's the same kind of idea in real life, only you get a free life for every 100 Muslims you kill. How else do you think the President has survived so long? He's been assassinated seven times already! But still he lives on, and you know why? The Muslim killing! Luckily, I must have JUST killed enough Muslims for my free life.

i wuz glad 2 c jeremy! niki/jess didnt really seem 2 care but she didnt kill him wen she saw him either so i guess thats better then nothing! newayz we were a team again n we were off 2 find n murder (or interrogate i mean lol) c-crest! ttyl!!!

2 comments:

Svetlana Smith said...

Actually, I get KO'd a lot. My poor Horde Troll dies every time me n' Vamp Cheney try to invade the Alliance. Heh heh.

I jus' stay alive 'cause I'm the Prince of Darkness n' all. Vamp Cheney keeps tryin' t' steal that title from me 'cause he's mean like that. Big meanie. I'd have Jeremiah stake him, but then I'd have no friends and I'd be a very sad Devil Bush indeed. I'd have no one to hang out with in Silithus.

-- Devil Bush

Mr. Bennet said...

Does killing Christians cancel out killing Muslims? And what happens when you kill a Jew (other than having to do your own taxes in the future)?