my friendz! (and murder lol)

so i wuz sitting in the hotel room w/ mohindy. he wuz reading notes of course. i luv the way he furrows his brow n his eyes get all intense wen he thinks hard itz like so hot omg!

i had just gotten back from my amerikan idle competition but didnt haf 2 long 2 admire mohindy! amerikan idle wuznt the real reason we were here! that wuz just the appetizer. the main coarse wuz...brainz of course lol! we had alrdy met 1 n i wuz about 2 go back n find him. mohindy wuz looking into the other guy...it wuz the fat dislexic 1 that shot me! he hurt me hes a bad man! well i guess ill be killin him soon lol. but newayz i had anuther 1 2 get first! i wuz rdy 2 leave but mohindy stopped me!

mohindy: Zane, my friend, if I could have a moment, I'd like to inquire about a recent occurrence, or rather pattern of occurrences, relating to your momentary absences. It seems that while on our trip of magnificent importance, I often find my general area to be devoid of your being. This does not necessarily cause me concern. It is merely curiosity, which though proverbially known as the death-bringer of prying felines, I find it a reasonable emotion within me. Perhaps you could appease my wonderment with a response?

mohindy had been getting suspicious! i think hes onto me n my amerikan idol dream! he certainly haz no idea about the constant coincidental murders that occur w/ each hero we meet! no its def amerikan idol hez on 2 me!

me!: nowhere i just haf 2 go outside n exfoliate my skin n maybe do my nails! y you haven't been watching fox have u?

mohindy: Ah, yes, FOX. I have heard of this noble endeavour, though I myself have yet to witness it first hand. Though it is my desire to commence observing this television station known for such epics as The Simpsons and COPS, I simply cannot. For as destiny itself, TV programs too have a beginning and end. And for this reason, I must say that I cannot fulfill my wanting of FOX until Autumn, when the programming season will begin anew. Remember, Zane, man may only begin at the beginning, unless of course there are mitigating circumstances, say a drunken blackout, which force other participants in the said activity, say Monopoly, to allow one to take a recently vacated post. However, when it comes to the fine art of TV-viewing, to realize its full potential one must absorb the entertainment from beginning to end, lest one miss out on important story arcs and happenings, leaving said viewer bewildered within the current plot, and thusly sounding rather n00bish in discussions of the show's subject matter with others, online and off.

me!: good! ill be bck in a few hours! if i come bck with red stuff all ovr me dont wrry about it itll prolly just be a nail painting mishap!

mohindy: Very well, but I beg of you to use caution in your actions. This purloiner of cerebral components seems to be on our trail, as everywhere we opt to venture, there happens a monstrous murder in the manner of mayhem with which I have become all too accustomed. Oh, and Zane...I bid you divine acceleration.

so i walked out n left the hotel. as i left the street i wuz mobbed by fans who wanted a peace of my hot body! i werked my way thru them signing autographs 2 appeaze there shrilly shreaking as i did.

using my pwr 2 c how things werk (the 1 i never use) i felt a totally broken thing in melvins fav bar (melvin is the hero we came 2 meet). so i went inside!

the bar wuz full but there wuz a lil circle of emptiness around were melvin sat at the bar. he recognized me when i sat down. he looked at me w/ the eyes of a sad panda

me!: hi melvin!!!! wuts rong?

melvin: Oh, nothing. Just that no one wants anything to do with me!

me!: y wud that be? is it ur dorky name

melvin: No, I don't think so.

me!: i think it may b. i mean ur names melvin. i laughed wen i heard it remember.

melvin: Your name's Zane!

me!: no its not silly my names sy...er i mean yes good point! so wuts the problem then.

melvin: It's my power! Whenever someone brushes against me, it happens to them!

melvin touched me. a lil electric static shocked me.

me!: ow! that hurt.

i licked my staticy hand to make it feel better and zapped my tounge! ouch! i felt bad 4 melvin. he wuz...kinda like me! shunned by the world! n all he wanted wuz 2 b special? how cud i kill this guy? id probably haf 2 b really drunk. so i kept ordering us drinks. 2 bad i forgot i couldnt get drunk.

we kept drinkin and drinkin trying 2 forget r probs. i got close 2 melvin and desided i wuznt gonna kill him. no in fact he wuz my friend! i turned 2 tell him as such only 2 find him lying in a heap in his own puke on the grnd. the hot bartended guy called 911!

i rode in the ambulance w/ my new friend melvin but he died on the way there. alcohol poisoning. whoops! i guess i need 2 remember wut pwrs i had. oh well! no use cryin over spilt brainz! n speakin of brainz no use wasting ne! i mind tricked the ambulance n flipped it ovr and super mind tricked evry1 4 good measure. no survivors lol!

i carrassed my hand aginst melvins face. i got shocked lol! oh well id miss him. with great regret i pried open his skull n ate his brain. electrical!

oh well a new pwr. only 1 hero 2 go in la n sum american idle 2 win! ttyl!