OMG Mohindy has me like, so mad! Spreading rumors, chattin behind my back like I'm dead or somethin! And now I find out that he totally has a live-in BF in fat dislexic cop, Park Mattman! Aaaarch, I'm like, so mad I could throw a pillow at a catepillar! And then cry! And then kill someone! And then cry again!
So I figured it was hella time to rise up to the surface and like, maybe take a shower or something! But that wasn't THAT important! No, first thing was to like, heal my many emotional wounds that Mohindy caused me! So I knew it was time to go to a shrink! And I decided to go to Texas, to the best shrink there is!
Yeah, this guy! I like, totally knew him from Oprah! I used to watch them together while I was eating brain splits covered in hot fudge 'n whipped cream 'n brain juice lol! Anyways, his receptionist didn't want to let me in for some reason or something! So I like, killed her and just told the sexy doctor that I was his next patient lol!
So, I sat down 'n told him my story about Mohindy 'n junk, 'n he kinda just stood there 'n looked at me 'n pondered! When I finished though he started to give me his wise wisdom!
"You need to get out of this relationship," he said. "It's destructive to your life! I mean, look at you! You're covered in some sort of red substance, and you've got chunks of little red stuff all over your face! You are a mess! You need to turn your life around!"
"Oh, lol, I didn't know I had brain on my face, sorry doctor," I said as I wiped the brain off with my sleeve. "But like, anyways. I can't forget Mohindy! I don't have anything else left in life! Except maybe that sexy guy Petey, but he might, like be dead! And angry at me 'cuz I tried to kill him 'n junk."
"Well in times of tough relationships, it's always good to lean on family! That's what they are there for, Mr. Sylar!"
"Uh, that's not really an option, lol."
"Friends then! Friends are good people to lean on!"
"Fr...Friends?" I asked, a like, totally stupid look on my face.
"You don't have any friends, do you Mr. Sylar? Maybe, instead of worrying about relationships, you should worry about getting some friends, first! They can do wonders, and frankly, it just isn't healthy to be without any of them!"
I thought for a second or two...or maybe like 10 minutes lol. Sorry, it takes me a while to think. Anyways! After many minutes of totally awkward silence, I had a bright idea! "Um, like, doctor? Would you...be my friend?"
"I'd love to be your friend, Mr. Sylar," the doctor responded with love and what I knew was definitely lust!
"That's hella sweet! Do you wanna go back to my place and give me a makeover? I just got a new makeup set and I totally want to try it out! Oh, and I could give you a new hairdo! I've totally got this awesome set of weaves that I could put in your bountiful hair to make it like, super sexy!"
The doctor looked at his watch. "I believe our time is up."
"But I need a friend! I totally need someone to eat brai...I mean, ice cream with, and cry and talk about boys and all that girl stuff!"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Sylar, but I don't have time to talk boys. I have other patients!"
I was like, totally flying into a rage or something! He wasn't my friend! He was just, like, humoring me 'n junk!
"You're not my friend! You're like, totally a robot!" I shrieked, using totally stupid slang that I knew some weird California kid uses!
I guess I kinda lost it there lol. Let's just say that when the doctor's next patient came in, he kinda saw something like a dead doctor on the ground with half a head and his brain missing. Oops lol! I just can't help myself sometimes!