A Showdown of Sylarz!

Future Sylar and I stood in a showdown, him ready to tell me a horrifying truth!

"You're straight," he said. "There's nothing you can do to prevent it. You're as doomed as an ninth grade boy in drag trying out for the cheerleading team!"

"I'm, like, as doomed as myself?"

"Oh yeah, that was us, wasn't it?" Future Sylar mused.

"Yeah, I should totally go and kill that cheerleading coach 'n all the lil girlies on the team one day."

"Already did it," Future Sylar said with a smile.

"OMG, yay! You're so super cool!"

"You realize that we're like, in a showdown, and that I'm going to kill you and steal your man so I can become Sexy Sylar again, right?"

"But...if you let ME have Mohindy, then won't you like, never be straight in the future, considering I like, fixed the problem in the past?" I asked.

"Silence, cur, lol! Logic is not the way of the Sylar! Now, you must die!"

Future Sylar raised his hand, ready to mind trick the heck outta poor me, but I shouted, "Wait!" Future Sylar looked at me. "I'm not straight! You're not straight, either!"

"What are you talking about? I'm no longer Sexy Sylar. I'm Pimp Sylar! Oh, the tragedy!"

"No! You're not! Think about it. Our love for Mohindy, lust for Petey, the sexiness of Mr. Glasses. That doesn't just go away! Maya on a man's body? Come on, Future Sylar! We're like, totally bi!"

Future Sylar stared at me in silly silence, lol.

"If I was straight," I continued, "how come you're the sexiest thing these eyes have ever seen?"

Future Sylar lowered his hand. "Ditto. You're like, totally right!"

It was then that we were suddenly on a beach! Future Sylar had illusioned us! Like, hella awesome! We ran in like, slow motion towards each other thanks to Future Sylar's time abilities! If only we had slow motion bouncing boobies, it would be totaly complete! If only I had my cleavage generation powers!

We embraced, and suddenly, Future Sylar asked me, "Wait, you don't have a halberd hidden up your sleeve, do you?"

"A halberd? I don't even know what that is, silly, lol!"

"Just checking," Future Sylar smiled with love and lust. Our lips like, met!



It was totally the greatest moment in my life! I was totally in love with myself! I was so hot, sexy, sweet, and funny! The best guy I could ever find! I was so lucky to find myself, as myself was lucky to find me, lol!

It was then that I pulled the hidden halberd out of my sleeve, lol! It was the greatest moment of my life!



Future Sylar brains splattered all over my face! His, like, sexy lips turned blue and cold! He fell limp in my arms, and then to the ground. The beach totally like turned back into Mohindy's gross apartment. "You idiot," Future Sylar gasped. "You had it all. You had yourself. And now you lost it. And now you'll go back in time and kill yourself again."

"Lol, no, I'll know that I'd die and I totally won't go!"

"You're not that smart," Future Sylar said with his last, sexy dying breath.

He lke, totally had me there. Oh well! My nemesis was dead, Maya was crying and about to be dead, and Mohindy was coming to give me my powers back, love me, about to be dead too, and then love me again! Things are lookin' up for Sylarz! Lol!

Help Me, Mohindy!

Help, Mohindy! Help! I know you're reading this and can use your Indian know how and maybe a rain dance or two to totally rain sexiness and girliness upon me! I've come to the like, climax of my story, and things couldn't be worse or some junk! First of all, I kissed a totally icky girl 'n prolly got some sort of disease! I mean, they tell you not to drink the water in Mexico, right? Well, Maya was like, in Mexico, and she had a whole mouthful of water! Slimey, saliva-y water! I'll get salmonella!

Then, on top of that, I killed a hot, beautiful man! I had to! Or did I? Maybe I just wanted him dead because I found him unsexy? Urkel knows I've killed many a women before for such a reason, lol! But how's a Sylar to know?! Unless Urkel himself drops down from cancelled TV show heaven and like, tells me himself! But I can't think for myself! Like, everyone knows I've gotten through life on my looks alone, lol! Oh, and my mind trick. And now I only have twice as much of one thing, and none of the other!

Not only was kissing like, totally hot, but I got all turned on 'n stuff at the thought of having a dead male body behind me! And I didn't even get to eat his brain :( I've become no better than that cur, Future Sylar! I had to get to Mohindy before him, or I'd like, be lost forever! Or at least until I went forward in time so much that I became Future Sylar or somethin, lol. But anyways, I need to get to Mohindy first so he can get my mind trick back! If I don't have it before I face Future Sylar, I could always resort to my trusty mug of doom, lol. But that shouldn't be a problem, I got to Mohindy's house first! I can totally outrun a teleport, lol.

But now, I'm left alone in Mohindy's house with the vixen, Maya. I'm like, thinking totally unnatural thoughts! I tried to think back to my Mohindy fantasy to ease my mind, but this is all I got...



Maya on a man body? And why was Matt there? That fatty wasn't even sexy when I WASN'T suffering from a nasty case of hetereosexuality sickness, lol. What did it all MEAN?

"I know what it means," said a figure, stepping out of the shadows. I recognized him, like, immediately!

"Future Sylar!" I accused! And my accusation was, like, totally correct. It WAS Future Sylar! "Can you like, read my mind or somethin'?" I asked him.

"I don't know, can I?"

I thought about unicorns. "Their horns sure are pretty," Future Sylar said!

"Amazing! Wait a minute! This post was supposed to end on a dramatic cliffhanger, you know, like of you revealing yourself, but we're still talking, and ruining the cliffhangerness!" I shrieked at Future Sylar.

"What? Oh, you're right. Sorry about that."

Betrayal II

Future Sylar! That cur! That usurper! That, like, big doodie head! I caught him in the act! Movin' in on MY woman! I mean...not like I care what he does with a girlie or whatever, but it's totally the principle of thing (kinda)! He's supposed to be gay! And I want Maya in the sack! Wait a minute...Whaaaaaaa?!?!

Anyways, it was time to pack up 'n keep drivin' so I went to like, get Maya. I knew where I'd find her. At the local Mexican restaurant of course! Where else would a Future Sylar be? When I saw what I like, saw, I stood there, totally shocked in rage 'n junk! I needed a new pair of underwear!




The cry baby (no, not Future Sylar, silly, lol) had totally been whinin' like a lil Sylar.

"Ah dios mio! I just...kissed a maaaaaan!" Maya blubbered.

Future Sylar gave her the attention a MAN would! He ignored her! What kind of sexy Sylar does THAT?!

Lil Maya burst into pathetic, hot tears of sexiness. "I just...I'm so happy!"

"You cry when you're happy too? Sweet Sylarz, is there any escape," Future Sylar said with Sylarness.

It was then that I finally burst out of my rage and charged towards Future Sylar, like, totally pointing my accusory accusing finger of accusation. "Usurper! Usurper! Usurper!" I cried, totally valiantly at the usurping usurper, with my coffee mug of doom in my other hand, ready to strike death into Future Sylar's sexy, usurping skull.

"Sybriel?" Maya asked, before bursting into tears again, confused at the presence of two identically sexy Sybriels.

Future Sylar was surprised to see me, but after the inital shock wore off, he like, asked, "Do you even know what that word means?"

"I...uh...It means, like, Future Sylar, lol!"

"Ok, ok!" Future Sylar hotly conceded, accepting my totally smart explanation. "You caught me! I'm not gay! I turned straight, just like you will!"

"My hot Mexican body turned a gay man straight?" Maya said, sniffling.

"You're not Mexican, you're Dominican Republican."

"Oh yeah," said Maya. "I can never tell the difference," she finished, snorting through her tears like an Urkel in heat. She like, took one of the tissues out that were stuck in her hair, blew her nose, and threw it out in the closes trash placey place: the top of Future Sylar's pimp hat. He glared at her, lol.

"Uh, Future Sylar, I'm like, totally gonna kill you," I said as I raised my coffee mug of doom to smash down on his pretty lil head, lol.

It was then that I felt the power of a mind trick for the first time! Future Sylar totally pinned me against the wall. "No, I'm afraid I am going to kill you."

"You can't! If you do, then you'll like, never exist!"

"I'm not sure how you were smart enough to know that, my dumb friend , but maybe non-existence is a good thing. I won't have to be so manly. I won't like sports, I'll have feely feelings, I won't find icky girls attractive and want to get them in bed. It'll be nothingness. Blissful, gay, nothingness. And maybe nothingness will totally do my nails for me."

"Sybriels, Sybriels, stop fighting!" shrieked Maya.

But Future Sylar had his mind trick finger of skull-cutting raised in front of my skull. He was totally, like about to tear it off when he stopped. "Maybe it's not too late for me," he sexfully thought. "Mohindy. If I found Mohindy, my one love, maybe I could reverse this curse. I just need those sexy Indian lips pressed against mine. Those Indian lips, which for some reason, like, totally eats cury instead of maize."

And with that, Future Sylar disappeared, teleporting to go steal Mohindy away from me! I had spent so much time worrying about icky girly Maya that I was may lose Mohindy! Wait, I said that Maya was icky? And I meant it, OMG! I think I was totally understanding what was going on with me!

But before I could cure my gross, totally unsanitary hetereosexuality sickness, I had to kill that filthy cur Future Sylar! And I was hella afraid that my coffee mug of doom wasn't enough to finish to do it. No, I needed a way to get into that skull, so I could get to Future Sylar's sweet, succulent brain. Fight fire with fire! I needed a hacksaw. Lol!

Salvation!

As me 'n the wonder twins got closer to our destination, 'n I struggled w/ my femininity (I was like, totally so close to coming out of the closet 'n admitting I was straight), I realized that I headed towards my sexual salvation! Screw Future Sylar! He may be hella sexy, sexier than any living thing other than Present Sylar, but he wasn't helping! In fact, I was starting to think he was as straight as an arrow, like me! Er wait, I'm not that straight! I'm more like a line. A straight one, that has no curves. Yes, that's me! Anyways, I totally decided the next time I ran into him I'd like eat his brain or some junk lol. Deja vu? Lol. I wish I knew what that meant. Lol.

Anyways, like I was totally sayin' before I got sidetracked by the prospect of brain eating, lol, I was totally heading to my salvation! That's right, the one man who could possibly de-straighten me out, and keep my line nice and straight! Do I know what I'm talking about? Like, no way! But my first love, Mohindy, will cure me! I am gettin' closer to visitin' with him! Who could forget that time I almost got to give him a sexful sponge bath? Or that other time that I totally killed Future Sylar #1 out of a total jealous rage for movin' in on Mohindy and then totally didn't even have to have a make up make-out session with that totally hot Indian, who for some reason, uses guns instead of tomahawks! Your ancestors would be ashamed, Mohindy!

Anyways, I am going to win Mohindy back.\! To do that, though, I'd have to be a total biatch 'n steal him from another man. But that's ok. Mohindy's new BF is obviously just a rebound guy. I mean, he's like, a lil beached whale. He's no sexy Sylar! For Mohindy, it's totally like going from succulent human brain to...a big heaping spoonful of lard lol! I mean, I guess lard tastes pretty good too, but nothing like brains! Unless it's lard made out of brains. Then that's a pretty close call! But we're assuming it's non-brain lard, like, ok? Ok!

Anyways, thoughts of the sexful Mohindy is totally kinda completely sorta taken my mind off of hot ladies! I mean, Maya still makes my lil Sylar specially levitate 'n junk, the only special power I have left, but hopefully my Mohindy fantasies can fend such scary thoughts away from my fragile, feminine mind! I'm comin' Mohindy! But until I get there, this fantasy will have to do! It's rainin' brains! And Mohindies!

Me, Future Sylar, 'N Stumpy

Check out my new post over at the Burnt Toast Diner! 'N you can expect a post on my blog here tomorrow, so come 'n check it out!

Cow Tippin'

Hey guys. I'm still like, super troubled and stuff, so I went out for a walk. Well, less of a walk, and more of a skip, since I usually skip down lanes and such lol. And I've been doing a lot of skipping lately, lol. Anyways, this time I thought I'd check out the local customs 'n junk! Well, what is more popular along the border than...cow tipping?! Well, I suppose siestas and taco making and border hopping, but cow tipping has totally gotta be up there, lol!

Anyways, when I got to the local cow tippin' hangout, I saw a guy in this super cute, fluffy white coat and hat, tryin' to teach a girlie how to tip the lil cows. He had his hands around his waist. "Put your hips into it," he said, like, hella pushing his own hips against her in an example or something. It sickened and aroused me at the same time lol! And the arousiness sicked me over more! Anyways, he turned around, and I recognized him! It was Future Sylar!

He looked surprised! "Present Sylar!" he shrieked! "What are you doing here?"

"I could like, ask you the same thing! Aren't you supposed to be helpin' me? Who's that girlie?" I asked smartly, as I always do.

"Oh, uh, her? Lol? She's just my uh, BFF girly friend! We like do each other's nails and talk about cute boys and stuff!"

The girly looked confused. "What? What are you talkin' about, daddy?"

"Quiet woman!" Future Sylar shouted! He shot her a look like I'd look at a cute boy before eating his brain lol, lust and anger in one. But where did Future Sylar's lust come from? He must be imagining her as a boy, lol! Or maybe she was a gross looking tranny and he was ashamed to be dating a man who looked so much like a hot girl! Who knows! Certainly not me. Or do I? I reached soe sort of conclusion somehow!

"Wait a minute!" I said, "I know what's going on here!"

Future Sylar sighed. "I guess the jig's up. You know the truth. I am really strai..."

"You guys are cow tipping, lol!" I concluded smartly.

"You just figured that out now?" Future Sylar asked, relieved. I stared at him blankly. He stared blankly back. "Wait, what were we doing?" Future Sylar asked the girly. She shrugged, lol. What a group of smarties we were! Mmmm, smarties, I hella want some!

"I wanna try tippin'! I've always wanted to knock over something stupid! And I want some smarties!" I looked over at Future Sylar, and in probably the cleverest thing I've ever done, I went over and tried to knock him over (to imply that he was stupid, get it? Lol! I'm such a tricky jokester!)

"Hands off the fur, bro!" Future Sylar shouted as I tried to touch him daintily.

"Well, if I can't knock you over, do you at least have some smarties?" I asked, pouting.

"No. Woman, do you?" he asked girly.

"No, but I've got drugs," she said.

"Awww, drugs aren't sugary goodness," Future Sylar pouted.

"No, they're not," I pouted too!

But anyways, Smarty-less, I started thinkin' about things! Bro? Girlies? Cow tipping? These were hella un-Sylar-like activities, lol! OMG, or was it? The next thing I knew I was pushin' over a cow! An icky, stinky, buggy cow! This is not me! I'll have to look up to Future Sylar to provide a good example for me, since he never like, turned straight!

The Return of Future Sylar

So, I was in the height of my depression, with no way to cure my heterosexuality sickness when I got a welcome visit from a totally super friend! I was out in the desert takin' a pee pee, when all of a sudden I saw a guy admiring my junk!

"Nice weasel," said the voice with a giggle. I looked up...and saw Future Sylar!

"Future Sylar!" I shrieked. But..I killed you! How could you be here?"

"Teehee, you silly goose! That Future Sylar that you killed was from a different timeline or something! The timeline changed when sexy Petey didn't blowed up the city! That Future Sylar you killed never existed! Now, we have me! A totally sexier version!"

"But I definitely ate the brains of SOME Future Sylar!"

"Or like, did you?" Future Sylar asked, raising his eyebrow. "You don't have any of his hella awesome powers!"

"That's because I had freakin' indigestion!"

"Or did you?" Future Sylar raised his eyebrow.

"Yes, I did!"

"Or did you?"

"Um, I think so?"

"Or did you?"

"I guess not."

"Or did you?"

"Hmmm, you're right, maybe I did!"

"Or did you?"

"No, you're right, I didn't."

"That's what I thought!" Future Sylar had wonned.

"Whatever! You're lookin' super sexy by the way. Future Sylar, tell me, when will I like, get my powers back? Without them I'm getting these...like totally icky manly urges! I need to get rid of them and become my girly self again!"

"I don't know, hun, I never lost my powers," Future Sylar responded.

"But how? You're me...from the future!"

"No, silly! A Future Sylar from the future came to me and saved me from icky Candice when I was held hostage! I kept my powers!"

"Then, how come that didn't happen to me?!"

"Because YOU'RE the Future Sylar," Future Sylar said mystically. He then broke down and giggled. I wanted to kill him and totally eat his brains but: 1. I wouldn't get his powers and B. I get indigestion from Sylar brains anyways, lol. Or do I? I thought for a minute.

"Are you gonna say anything?" Future Sylar interrupted my quick thinking. "You've been standing there in silence with your little Sylar stickin' out of your pants for like 15 minutes or some junk."

I knew I was thinking about something. But what? Oh well! I had another thought. "Well, anyways, how do I get rid of these non-flamboyant urges?!"

"I never had them! I had my powers, so as soon as I ran into these two silly twins I killed 'em 'n stole their powers, lol!"

"Damn you for your, like, effectiveness, Future Me!"

"I like, know, lol! Anyways, I've come to help you get through it, like you came to help me! So continue on your trip! I'll meet you at your next stop! If I don't help you, then Future You won't go back in time to help Past Me, who is supposed to then progress to the future and go back in time to help Past You, who will go forward in time, to become Future you, who will go back in time to help Past Me, who will become Present Me, who will go back in time to help Past..."

He went on like that, stupidly. I was thinking about hot gir...I mean hot guys after I lost him at "then Future You won't..." Anyways, eventually his brain stopped working from using to much smarts, he stood there for a few minutes while it recharged itself, and then he totally teleported away.

"Bye Future Me!" I shouted. I felt a lot better about myself knowing that Future Sylar would help lol.

"Sybriel?" Maya had walked up behind me. "Who are you talking to?"

"Just my weasel, lol," I giggled, zipping up. I looked at Maya, then down at my pants. A tent or some junk was being pitched.

"AAAAAARRRRRRCCCCCHHHHHHH!" I shrieked!

Clearing My Mind!

OMG, me, Maya and Miguel, er I mean, Maya 'n Alejandro were all sleepin' in the car. With all these confusing feelings I've had about Maya, I like, had to get out of there! So I walked into town.

I had to do something to totally clear my mind, and there were two things I knew that could make me happy! Like, eating brains and oogling boys lol! So I walked into the local theater-place with a mission on my mind!

As soon as I walk in I saw a bunch of Texas hillbillies dancing about. I heard singing on the stage!

"I'm a little bit country..." a chickie voice sang. I looked to the stage. These two were singing!



"I'm a lit bit rock 'n roll!"

This was freakin' perfect 'n some junk! I had sexiness, AND a murder victim, like all in one convenient stagey location!

"I'm a little bit sexy!" I sang, and jumped on the stage. The two had stopped singing and were making out, they stopped to stare at me. "I'm a little bit of a brain-eating homicidal serial killer...oll (gotta rhyme, lol)!"

I pulled out my trusty brick, my like, newfound murdering weapon and stuff, 'n clubbed my victim on the head, who fell to the ground, dead. I totally giggled, proud of my feat!

I looked down, and was like, totally freaked out at what I saw! My victim...was the totally hot, sexy guy! And he didn't even have a power! I killed a cute boy, but why?!

The girlie knelt next to the dead one and started crying like a Sylar...well, like a Sylar when he was girlie! Now I didn't know what being a Sylar was! "Donny! You were too beautiful to die!" She looked up at me. "What have you done?"

Like, yes! What had I done? She was supposed to die, and I was supposed to run away with the hot boy! But...my body didn't let me do it! What was happening to me?!

I felt something soft, curvacious, and lustful on my hand. It felt good. I looked down to see what it was. I like, freaked out! My hand was on the girly's butt! And I liked it!

I breathed deep, looked up towards the heavens, and let out a pained, "NOOooOOOooOOocOOooOooOOO!"

I ran out of the theater, shrieking in terror.