Future Sylar and I stood in a showdown, him ready to tell me a horrifying truth!
"You're straight," he said. "There's nothing you can do to prevent it. You're as doomed as an ninth grade boy in drag trying out for the cheerleading team!"
"I'm, like, as doomed as myself?"
"Oh yeah, that was us, wasn't it?" Future Sylar mused.
"Yeah, I should totally go and kill that cheerleading coach 'n all the lil girlies on the team one day."
"Already did it," Future Sylar said with a smile.
"OMG, yay! You're so super cool!"
"You realize that we're like, in a showdown, and that I'm going to kill you and steal your man so I can become Sexy Sylar again, right?"
"But...if you let ME have Mohindy, then won't you like, never be straight in the future, considering I like, fixed the problem in the past?" I asked.
"Silence, cur, lol! Logic is not the way of the Sylar! Now, you must die!"
Future Sylar raised his hand, ready to mind trick the heck outta poor me, but I shouted, "Wait!" Future Sylar looked at me. "I'm not straight! You're not straight, either!"
"What are you talking about? I'm no longer Sexy Sylar. I'm Pimp Sylar! Oh, the tragedy!"
"No! You're not! Think about it. Our love for Mohindy, lust for Petey, the sexiness of Mr. Glasses. That doesn't just go away! Maya on a man's body? Come on, Future Sylar! We're like, totally bi!"
Future Sylar stared at me in silly silence, lol.
"If I was straight," I continued, "how come you're the sexiest thing these eyes have ever seen?"
Future Sylar lowered his hand. "Ditto. You're like, totally right!"
It was then that we were suddenly on a beach! Future Sylar had illusioned us! Like, hella awesome! We ran in like, slow motion towards each other thanks to Future Sylar's time abilities! If only we had slow motion bouncing boobies, it would be totaly complete! If only I had my cleavage generation powers!
We embraced, and suddenly, Future Sylar asked me, "Wait, you don't have a halberd hidden up your sleeve, do you?"
"A halberd? I don't even know what that is, silly, lol!"
"Just checking," Future Sylar smiled with love and lust. Our lips like, met!
It was totally the greatest moment in my life! I was totally in love with myself! I was so hot, sexy, sweet, and funny! The best guy I could ever find! I was so lucky to find myself, as myself was lucky to find me, lol!
It was then that I pulled the hidden halberd out of my sleeve, lol! It was the greatest moment of my life!
Future Sylar brains splattered all over my face! His, like, sexy lips turned blue and cold! He fell limp in my arms, and then to the ground. The beach totally like turned back into Mohindy's gross apartment. "You idiot," Future Sylar gasped. "You had it all. You had yourself. And now you lost it. And now you'll go back in time and kill yourself again."
"Lol, no, I'll know that I'd die and I totally won't go!"
"You're not that smart," Future Sylar said with his last, sexy dying breath.
He lke, totally had me there. Oh well! My nemesis was dead, Maya was crying and about to be dead, and Mohindy was coming to give me my powers back, love me, about to be dead too, and then love me again! Things are lookin' up for Sylarz! Lol!