Future Sylar! That cur! That usurper! That, like, big doodie head! I caught him in the act! Movin' in on MY woman! I mean...not like I care what he does with a girlie or whatever, but it's totally the principle of thing (kinda)! He's supposed to be gay! And I want Maya in the sack! Wait a minute...Whaaaaaaa?!?!
Anyways, it was time to pack up 'n keep drivin' so I went to like, get Maya. I knew where I'd find her. At the local Mexican restaurant of course! Where else would a Future Sylar be? When I saw what I like, saw, I stood there, totally shocked in rage 'n junk! I needed a new pair of underwear!
The cry baby (no, not Future Sylar, silly, lol) had totally been whinin' like a lil Sylar.
"Ah dios mio! I just...kissed a maaaaaan!" Maya blubbered.
Future Sylar gave her the attention a MAN would! He ignored her! What kind of sexy Sylar does THAT?!
Lil Maya burst into pathetic, hot tears of sexiness. "I just...I'm so happy!"
"You cry when you're happy too? Sweet Sylarz, is there any escape," Future Sylar said with Sylarness.
It was then that I finally burst out of my rage and charged towards Future Sylar, like, totally pointing my accusory accusing finger of accusation. "Usurper! Usurper! Usurper!" I cried, totally valiantly at the usurping usurper, with my coffee mug of doom in my other hand, ready to strike death into Future Sylar's sexy, usurping skull.
"Sybriel?" Maya asked, before bursting into tears again, confused at the presence of two identically sexy Sybriels.
Future Sylar was surprised to see me, but after the inital shock wore off, he like, asked, "Do you even know what that word means?"
"I...uh...It means, like, Future Sylar, lol!"
"Ok, ok!" Future Sylar hotly conceded, accepting my totally smart explanation. "You caught me! I'm not gay! I turned straight, just like you will!"
"My hot Mexican body turned a gay man straight?" Maya said, sniffling.
"You're not Mexican, you're Dominican Republican."
"Oh yeah," said Maya. "I can never tell the difference," she finished, snorting through her tears like an Urkel in heat. She like, took one of the tissues out that were stuck in her hair, blew her nose, and threw it out in the closes trash placey place: the top of Future Sylar's pimp hat. He glared at her, lol.
"Uh, Future Sylar, I'm like, totally gonna kill you," I said as I raised my coffee mug of doom to smash down on his pretty lil head, lol.
It was then that I felt the power of a mind trick for the first time! Future Sylar totally pinned me against the wall. "No, I'm afraid I am going to kill you."
"You can't! If you do, then you'll like, never exist!"
"I'm not sure how you were smart enough to know that, my dumb friend , but maybe non-existence is a good thing. I won't have to be so manly. I won't like sports, I'll have feely feelings, I won't find icky girls attractive and want to get them in bed. It'll be nothingness. Blissful, gay, nothingness. And maybe nothingness will totally do my nails for me."
"Sybriels, Sybriels, stop fighting!" shrieked Maya.
But Future Sylar had his mind trick finger of skull-cutting raised in front of my skull. He was totally, like about to tear it off when he stopped. "Maybe it's not too late for me," he sexfully thought. "Mohindy. If I found Mohindy, my one love, maybe I could reverse this curse. I just need those sexy Indian lips pressed against mine. Those Indian lips, which for some reason, like, totally eats cury instead of maize."
And with that, Future Sylar disappeared, teleporting to go steal Mohindy away from me! I had spent so much time worrying about icky girly Maya that I was may lose Mohindy! Wait, I said that Maya was icky? And I meant it, OMG! I think I was totally understanding what was going on with me!
But before I could cure my gross, totally unsanitary hetereosexuality sickness, I had to kill that filthy cur Future Sylar! And I was hella afraid that my coffee mug of doom wasn't enough to finish to do it. No, I needed a way to get into that skull, so I could get to Future Sylar's sweet, succulent brain. Fight fire with fire! I needed a hacksaw. Lol!