Mmmm, brains.

One Last Hurrah (For Now)!

2007-12-29T14:23:00.000-05:00

Well, Sylarkins thinks its about time for a bloggin' hiatus; with not much new goin' on in my life, it's hard to keep an updated diary lol! But I'll still be posting on Burnt Toast Diner, so look for me there! Anyways, before I go into hibernation, I have one more song for you! A compilation me 'n Petey did together called "Let Him Kill," lol!
This = Me singing
This = Peter singing
This = Both of us singing

Oh the Sylar outside is frightful
But the brains are so delightful
And since we've no reason to live
Let him kill, let him kill, let him kill!

He doesn't show signs of stopping
And I've got some skulls for the lopping
My life isn't worth a bill
Let him kill, let him kill, let him kill!

When I finally turn to men
How I'll hate defacing your hot bod
Well you better kiss me then
You're dead and I've still got your rod!

Well I am slowly dying
Your brain's tastey, I ain't lyin'
As long as you get your fill
Let him kill, let him kill, let him kill!

Lol. Unfortunately, Petey's not dead. This is just his like, fantasy! Well, with that, I'll say toodles! Don't worry, I'll be back! And remember to look for me on Burnt Toast!

Writer's Strike 2: Scab Sylar!

2007-12-18T04:50:00.000-05:00

After my silly standoff with the Pres. of NBC, I scampered off, like a cute, fluffy, homicidal, brain-eating squirrel, off to destroy the writers themselves!

After a few shopping stops on the way (I like, had to look my best for every murder. After all, the first impression is the only impression for peeps I kill, lol), I made it to the writer's strike picket line!

I stepped up to the line. This was going to be easier than I thought! These writers were sicky gross! Like a cockroach with Herpes! The strongest, most fearsome kind! It was like, totally obvious why these peeps were like, behind the scenes! Look!

Eeek! I know, I was like, totally skerred too, OMG! But I knew what I had to do! I went up to this thing, 'n like, shook my hot butt in front of his face!

"What are you doing?" it asked.

"Lol! I'm turning you on you sexy, sexy man! And you can get a whole lot more if you start writing my favorite shows again, like 21 Jump Street!"

"Uh, I'm a woman."

A woman?! OMG, no! My like, whole plan was foiled! Well, time for plan B! Murder!

"Super mind trick, activate!" I shouted, like, totally activiting my mind trick. But before I could kill the freakish gross cow of the man beast, I heard a voice shout!

"Sylarrrrrrr!"

OMG! It was totally my nemesis! Well, my nemesis from my lost post anyways, lol! The Pres. of NBC! He had...ZOMBIE POWER! :o

"Sylar, don't do it! His brain is virginal and stringy! It'll give you indigestion! I was wrong. You are Sylar! I want you to write for Heroes! Come up with some new whacky adventures for...yourself!"

"OMG! So you're saying I'm NOT Zachary Quinto? Who am I then?"

"Sylar."

I giggled at him. "Nope! Not good enough! Say it the right way!"

Zombie Pres. sighed. "Do I have to?" I nodded. "Fine. YOUR NAME IS SYLAR!"

"Boom," I giggled. "Well, I guess, I could be your scab or something. There's just one more thing!"

"What's that?"

Well, I have to say, I was getting hungry, lol, and that was kinda the "one more thing." I tore open his skull, and reached for his brain.

"Um, Sylar? You already ate it."

"Oh yeah, lol! Fine! I'll write for you! Even without stealing your super cute zombie powers!"

I was happy! I was going to be a writer! This was like, cause for celebration! I put on my Santa outfit and went out to celebrate!

The Writer's Strike! (Pt. 1)

2007-12-11T03:08:00.001-05:00

OMG! All my favorite shows, like, aren't on anymore! And it's all cause of this darn writer's strike! The OC! Melrose Place! 90210! All not on because these poopyheads won't write! Well, I'm a writer! I thought I'd go to NBC headquarters and demand them accept my writing talents or like, die, lol!

So off I went, to see the President of NBC himself! I was like, totally surprised that I got in without much of a hassle, 'n could frolic around the elegant NBC grounds freely!

I was a little disappointed because, you know, killing people's fun 'n stuff. But anyways, I got all the way to the President of NBC's office, 'n wouldn't have had to kill any peeps, but I was hungry, so I tore out a few brains 'n had lunch on the way, lol!

The Pres greeted me with a warm smile. I had never been smiled at once before in my life! Well, I like to think that my hunk Mohindy has, but then I think I may be lying to myself. Anyways, he shook my hand, hard, like a man! He frowned as he shook my limp grip, lol, but I've gotta be ladylike!

"Zachary! What brings you here? You know we have no work to give you with the writer's on strike!"

I was, like, totally confused! "Zachary?" I asked, "No, my name is Sylar," I said calmly, but with slight sexy anger.

"Hahahaha!" the President guffawed like a pregnant donkey! "Good one, Zachary!"

"My name is Sylar," I said again, my anger rising!

"Ok, Zachary, let's not beat a dead horse, here," the President said, with a small laugh.

Well, I had no idea what beating a dead horse had to do with anything, but it totally sounded fun! Hmmm, maybe horsey brain tasted good? I'd never tried it! I'll have to sometime, lol! But I was getting ahead of myself! I had to get things straight about my name. "MY NAME IS SYLAR!" I shrieked womanly, pressing my hands against imaginary glass between me 'n the Pres 'n drooling rabidly! It was not pretty, but necessary, lol!

"No, Zachary. Your name is Zachary Quinto. Sylar is a character you play on TV. Sylar doesn't really exist. He's the Jessica to your Niki, if you will."

"How do you know Niki?!" I shrieked like a clubbed Nancy Kerrigan!

"She is a creation of NBC, Mr. Quinto," the Pres said evilly! He was like...Walt Disney or somethin'!

I was goin' crazy! Was I just made up?! A split personality of some unspecial, unsexy loser actor? It couldn't be! Well, there was only one way to find out, I lifted a finger to his skull, ready to use my mind trick!

"What are you doing, Zachary? Trying to use telekinesis?" He giggled at me! "Go ahead and try."

"I will!" I shrieked! I close my eyes and used my mind trick! I was expecting the Pres to be right! I was expecting to open my eyes and see him there, laughing at me!

Well, I opened my eyes...and found a dead Pres with half his skull cut off. Lol! I guess Sylarz do exist after all! The only problem...was that I was supposed to demand that the Pres make me a writer, and now he was dead! Oh well, I guess I'd have to go to the writers themselves! Uh oh, the Pres' brain was starting to ooze out! 'N I had just eaten a full meal and was like, totally full!

I wrapped up the brain in a doggie bag (I always keep a few on me for such emergencies, lol), and went off to find the writers...

Hooray!

2007-12-04T10:33:00.000-05:00

The whiney sexy Maya was like, dead! Mohindy came back! He gave me my powers back! He didn't love me. But he was about to be dead too! And then I'd love him! But like, Maya was alive again! OMG! So, like, things didn't go totally according to plan, but the most importantest part is that I'm back to my watch making, boy watching, brain eating self, lol!

I injected myself with Claire Bear blood, and as I did, I totally felt the power of the cheerleader flow through my blood or something! I knew I could totally let out the cheer of rabid, bloodthirsty cheerleader! And that made me happy. I like, tested my power on a can or something! Success! All that was left was, like, a live test subject or something! And Mohindy had prolly already run away like a lil boy who likes to pretend to be a girl and gets made fun of as a youth but ends up growing up to be an insane cereal killer who kills the make-funners. So I just like, decided to use my mind trick against the first thing I came across, lol! And in NYC, what else would that be but a crack head? Lol!

I saw this guy around the corner. He looked totally icky, and a big reason I like, haven't been able to kill these smelly hobos is because I don't like to get my dainty hands dirty. And now I didn't have to! But I didn't want to kill him out in the open. So I tied a penny to a string, and threw it out in front of him to lure him into my alley of villainy or something!

"Crack money!" said the crackhead, lol.

He reached over to grab it, but I tugged on the string! He like, ran to get it again, but I tugged again! He kept chasing it into my alley until I pulled it to me and picked up my penny, smiling evilly and sexfully at the smelly crackhead!

He looked at my pitifully with his sexy, bloodshot crackhead eyes, and I didn't think I had the heart to do it! I mean, it's been like, so totally long since I've been a bloodthirsty cereal killer! I hadn't even killed anyone in like, forever! Except for Candice. Oh, and that random guy that rode with us in smelly Maya & Alejandro land. Oh, and sexy Alejandro. Oh, and Maya. But she doesn't count, 'cause she's alive again and I like, was totally planning that! I definitely was! So how could I kill this cute lil crackhead with so lil recent killing experience? Three people in a few weeks?! In used to be like, three people in a few minutes, lol!

It was then that it happened. The crackhead puked on my cute new shoes. "NOOoooOOocoOOOooOOOoooOOOoOO!" I shrieked! My super mind trick was put to use, and it like, worked like a knife going through cement, lol! I chopped the top of his head off and tore forth his brain and sank my teeth in! Oh, like, sweet, tastey brain! It's been so long since I've tasted your tastfully tastey goodness! Well, this one wasn't so good. It kinda tasted like crack or some junk. But it was brain!

And now my adventures will continue! I feel like my addiction to crack...I mean, brains has totally returned! I will continue eating crack...er, brains, until my hunger for power and crack...uh, brains, has been satisfied! Until then, I will hopefully be able to post weekly (on or around Tuesday) about my brain eating adventures and other stuff! If I forget a week or two, don't fret, I'll return! So now, off I go, in search of some nice, tastey, powerful crack!

A Showdown of Sylarz!

2007-11-30T12:30:00.000-05:00

Future Sylar and I stood in a showdown, him ready to tell me a horrifying truth!

"You're straight," he said. "There's nothing you can do to prevent it. You're as doomed as an ninth grade boy in drag trying out for the cheerleading team!"

"I'm, like, as doomed as myself?"

"Oh yeah, that was us, wasn't it?" Future Sylar mused.

"Yeah, I should totally go and kill that cheerleading coach 'n all the lil girlies on the team one day."

"Already did it," Future Sylar said with a smile.

"OMG, yay! You're so super cool!"

"You realize that we're like, in a showdown, and that I'm going to kill you and steal your man so I can become Sexy Sylar again, right?"

"But...if you let ME have Mohindy, then won't you like, never be straight in the future, considering I like, fixed the problem in the past?" I asked.

"Silence, cur, lol! Logic is not the way of the Sylar! Now, you must die!"

Future Sylar raised his hand, ready to mind trick the heck outta poor me, but I shouted, "Wait!" Future Sylar looked at me. "I'm not straight! You're not straight, either!"

"What are you talking about? I'm no longer Sexy Sylar. I'm Pimp Sylar! Oh, the tragedy!"

"No! You're not! Think about it. Our love for Mohindy, lust for Petey, the sexiness of Mr. Glasses. That doesn't just go away! Maya on a man's body? Come on, Future Sylar! We're like, totally bi!"

Future Sylar stared at me in silly silence, lol.

"If I was straight," I continued, "how come you're the sexiest thing these eyes have ever seen?"

Future Sylar lowered his hand. "Ditto. You're like, totally right!"

It was then that we were suddenly on a beach! Future Sylar had illusioned us! Like, hella awesome! We ran in like, slow motion towards each other thanks to Future Sylar's time abilities! If only we had slow motion bouncing boobies, it would be totaly complete! If only I had my cleavage generation powers!

We embraced, and suddenly, Future Sylar asked me, "Wait, you don't have a halberd hidden up your sleeve, do you?"

"A halberd? I don't even know what that is, silly, lol!"

"Just checking," Future Sylar smiled with love and lust. Our lips like, met!

It was totally the greatest moment in my life! I was totally in love with myself! I was so hot, sexy, sweet, and funny! The best guy I could ever find! I was so lucky to find myself, as myself was lucky to find me, lol!

It was then that I pulled the hidden halberd out of my sleeve, lol! It was the greatest moment of my life!

Future Sylar brains splattered all over my face! His, like, sexy lips turned blue and cold! He fell limp in my arms, and then to the ground. The beach totally like turned back into Mohindy's gross apartment. "You idiot," Future Sylar gasped. "You had it all. You had yourself. And now you lost it. And now you'll go back in time and kill yourself again."

"Lol, no, I'll know that I'd die and I totally won't go!"

"You're not that smart," Future Sylar said with his last, sexy dying breath.

He lke, totally had me there. Oh well! My nemesis was dead, Maya was crying and about to be dead, and Mohindy was coming to give me my powers back, love me, about to be dead too, and then love me again! Things are lookin' up for Sylarz! Lol!

Help Me, Mohindy!

2007-11-27T04:38:00.000-05:00

Help, Mohindy! Help! I know you're reading this and can use your Indian know how and maybe a rain dance or two to totally rain sexiness and girliness upon me! I've come to the like, climax of my story, and things couldn't be worse or some junk! First of all, I kissed a totally icky girl 'n prolly got some sort of disease! I mean, they tell you not to drink the water in Mexico, right? Well, Maya was like, in Mexico, and she had a whole mouthful of water! Slimey, saliva-y water! I'll get salmonella!

Then, on top of that, I killed a hot, beautiful man! I had to! Or did I? Maybe I just wanted him dead because I found him unsexy? Urkel knows I've killed many a women before for such a reason, lol! But how's a Sylar to know?! Unless Urkel himself drops down from cancelled TV show heaven and like, tells me himself! But I can't think for myself! Like, everyone knows I've gotten through life on my looks alone, lol! Oh, and my mind trick. And now I only have twice as much of one thing, and none of the other!

Not only was kissing like, totally hot, but I got all turned on 'n stuff at the thought of having a dead male body behind me! And I didn't even get to eat his brain :( I've become no better than that cur, Future Sylar! I had to get to Mohindy before him, or I'd like, be lost forever! Or at least until I went forward in time so much that I became Future Sylar or somethin, lol. But anyways, I need to get to Mohindy first so he can get my mind trick back! If I don't have it before I face Future Sylar, I could always resort to my trusty mug of doom, lol. But that shouldn't be a problem, I got to Mohindy's house first! I can totally outrun a teleport, lol.

But now, I'm left alone in Mohindy's house with the vixen, Maya. I'm like, thinking totally unnatural thoughts! I tried to think back to my Mohindy fantasy to ease my mind, but this is all I got...

Maya on a man body? And why was Matt there? That fatty wasn't even sexy when I WASN'T suffering from a nasty case of hetereosexuality sickness, lol. What did it all MEAN?

"I know what it means," said a figure, stepping out of the shadows. I recognized him, like, immediately!

"Future Sylar!" I accused! And my accusation was, like, totally correct. It WAS Future Sylar! "Can you like, read my mind or somethin'?" I asked him.

"I don't know, can I?"

I thought about unicorns. "Their horns sure are pretty," Future Sylar said!

"Amazing! Wait a minute! This post was supposed to end on a dramatic cliffhanger, you know, like of you revealing yourself, but we're still talking, and ruining the cliffhangerness!" I shrieked at Future Sylar.

"What? Oh, you're right. Sorry about that."

Betrayal II

2007-11-25T02:02:00.000-05:00

Future Sylar! That cur! That usurper! That, like, big doodie head! I caught him in the act! Movin' in on MY woman! I mean...not like I care what he does with a girlie or whatever, but it's totally the principle of thing (kinda)! He's supposed to be gay! And I want Maya in the sack! Wait a minute...Whaaaaaaa?!?!

Anyways, it was time to pack up 'n keep drivin' so I went to like, get Maya. I knew where I'd find her. At the local Mexican restaurant of course! Where else would a Future Sylar be? When I saw what I like, saw, I stood there, totally shocked in rage 'n junk! I needed a new pair of underwear!

The cry baby (no, not Future Sylar, silly, lol) had totally been whinin' like a lil Sylar.

"Ah dios mio! I just...kissed a maaaaaan!" Maya blubbered.

Future Sylar gave her the attention a MAN would! He ignored her! What kind of sexy Sylar does THAT?!

Lil Maya burst into pathetic, hot tears of sexiness. "I just...I'm so happy!"

"You cry when you're happy too? Sweet Sylarz, is there any escape," Future Sylar said with Sylarness.

It was then that I finally burst out of my rage and charged towards Future Sylar, like, totally pointing my accusory accusing finger of accusation. "Usurper! Usurper! Usurper!" I cried, totally valiantly at the usurping usurper, with my coffee mug of doom in my other hand, ready to strike death into Future Sylar's sexy, usurping skull.

"Sybriel?" Maya asked, before bursting into tears again, confused at the presence of two identically sexy Sybriels.

Future Sylar was surprised to see me, but after the inital shock wore off, he like, asked, "Do you even know what that word means?"

"I...uh...It means, like, Future Sylar, lol!"

"Ok, ok!" Future Sylar hotly conceded, accepting my totally smart explanation. "You caught me! I'm not gay! I turned straight, just like you will!"

"My hot Mexican body turned a gay man straight?" Maya said, sniffling.

"You're not Mexican, you're Dominican Republican."

"Oh yeah," said Maya. "I can never tell the difference," she finished, snorting through her tears like an Urkel in heat. She like, took one of the tissues out that were stuck in her hair, blew her nose, and threw it out in the closes trash placey place: the top of Future Sylar's pimp hat. He glared at her, lol.

"Uh, Future Sylar, I'm like, totally gonna kill you," I said as I raised my coffee mug of doom to smash down on his pretty lil head, lol.

It was then that I felt the power of a mind trick for the first time! Future Sylar totally pinned me against the wall. "No, I'm afraid I am going to kill you."

"You can't! If you do, then you'll like, never exist!"

"I'm not sure how you were smart enough to know that, my dumb friend , but maybe non-existence is a good thing. I won't have to be so manly. I won't like sports, I'll have feely feelings, I won't find icky girls attractive and want to get them in bed. It'll be nothingness. Blissful, gay, nothingness. And maybe nothingness will totally do my nails for me."

"Sybriels, Sybriels, stop fighting!" shrieked Maya.

But Future Sylar had his mind trick finger of skull-cutting raised in front of my skull. He was totally, like about to tear it off when he stopped. "Maybe it's not too late for me," he sexfully thought. "Mohindy. If I found Mohindy, my one love, maybe I could reverse this curse. I just need those sexy Indian lips pressed against mine. Those Indian lips, which for some reason, like, totally eats cury instead of maize."

And with that, Future Sylar disappeared, teleporting to go steal Mohindy away from me! I had spent so much time worrying about icky girly Maya that I was may lose Mohindy! Wait, I said that Maya was icky? And I meant it, OMG! I think I was totally understanding what was going on with me!

But before I could cure my gross, totally unsanitary hetereosexuality sickness, I had to kill that filthy cur Future Sylar! And I was hella afraid that my coffee mug of doom wasn't enough to finish to do it. No, I needed a way to get into that skull, so I could get to Future Sylar's sweet, succulent brain. Fight fire with fire! I needed a hacksaw. Lol!

Salvation!

2007-11-20T04:31:00.000-05:00

As me 'n the wonder twins got closer to our destination, 'n I struggled w/ my femininity (I was like, totally so close to coming out of the closet 'n admitting I was straight), I realized that I headed towards my sexual salvation! Screw Future Sylar! He may be hella sexy, sexier than any living thing other than Present Sylar, but he wasn't helping! In fact, I was starting to think he was as straight as an arrow, like me! Er wait, I'm not that straight! I'm more like a line. A straight one, that has no curves. Yes, that's me! Anyways, I totally decided the next time I ran into him I'd like eat his brain or some junk lol. Deja vu? Lol. I wish I knew what that meant. Lol.

Anyways, like I was totally sayin' before I got sidetracked by the prospect of brain eating, lol, I was totally heading to my salvation! That's right, the one man who could possibly de-straighten me out, and keep my line nice and straight! Do I know what I'm talking about? Like, no way! But my first love, Mohindy, will cure me! I am gettin' closer to visitin' with him! Who could forget that time I almost got to give him a sexful sponge bath? Or that other time that I totally killed Future Sylar #1 out of a total jealous rage for movin' in on Mohindy and then totally didn't even have to have a make up make-out session with that totally hot Indian, who for some reason, uses guns instead of tomahawks! Your ancestors would be ashamed, Mohindy!

Anyways, I am going to win Mohindy back.\! To do that, though, I'd have to be a total biatch 'n steal him from another man. But that's ok. Mohindy's new BF is obviously just a rebound guy. I mean, he's like, a lil beached whale. He's no sexy Sylar! For Mohindy, it's totally like going from succulent human brain to...a big heaping spoonful of lard lol! I mean, I guess lard tastes pretty good too, but nothing like brains! Unless it's lard made out of brains. Then that's a pretty close call! But we're assuming it's non-brain lard, like, ok? Ok!

Anyways, thoughts of the sexful Mohindy is totally kinda completely sorta taken my mind off of hot ladies! I mean, Maya still makes my lil Sylar specially levitate 'n junk, the only special power I have left, but hopefully my Mohindy fantasies can fend such scary thoughts away from my fragile, feminine mind! I'm comin' Mohindy! But until I get there, this fantasy will have to do! It's rainin' brains! And Mohindies!

Me, Future Sylar, 'N Stumpy

2007-11-19T12:28:00.000-05:00

Check out my new post over at the Burnt Toast Diner! 'N you can expect a post on my blog here tomorrow, so come 'n check it out!

Cow Tippin'

2007-11-07T05:55:00.000-05:00

Hey guys. I'm still like, super troubled and stuff, so I went out for a walk. Well, less of a walk, and more of a skip, since I usually skip down lanes and such lol. And I've been doing a lot of skipping lately, lol. Anyways, this time I thought I'd check out the local customs 'n junk! Well, what is more popular along the border than...cow tipping?! Well, I suppose siestas and taco making and border hopping, but cow tipping has totally gotta be up there, lol!

Anyways, when I got to the local cow tippin' hangout, I saw a guy in this super cute, fluffy white coat and hat, tryin' to teach a girlie how to tip the lil cows. He had his hands around his waist. "Put your hips into it," he said, like, hella pushing his own hips against her in an example or something. It sickened and aroused me at the same time lol! And the arousiness sicked me over more! Anyways, he turned around, and I recognized him! It was Future Sylar!

He looked surprised! "Present Sylar!" he shrieked! "What are you doing here?"

"I could like, ask you the same thing! Aren't you supposed to be helpin' me? Who's that girlie?" I asked smartly, as I always do.

"Oh, uh, her? Lol? She's just my uh, BFF girly friend! We like do each other's nails and talk about cute boys and stuff!"

The girly looked confused. "What? What are you talkin' about, daddy?"

"Quiet woman!" Future Sylar shouted! He shot her a look like I'd look at a cute boy before eating his brain lol, lust and anger in one. But where did Future Sylar's lust come from? He must be imagining her as a boy, lol! Or maybe she was a gross looking tranny and he was ashamed to be dating a man who looked so much like a hot girl! Who knows! Certainly not me. Or do I? I reached soe sort of conclusion somehow!

"Wait a minute!" I said, "I know what's going on here!"

Future Sylar sighed. "I guess the jig's up. You know the truth. I am really strai..."

"You guys are cow tipping, lol!" I concluded smartly.

"You just figured that out now?" Future Sylar asked, relieved. I stared at him blankly. He stared blankly back. "Wait, what were we doing?" Future Sylar asked the girly. She shrugged, lol. What a group of smarties we were! Mmmm, smarties, I hella want some!

"I wanna try tippin'! I've always wanted to knock over something stupid! And I want some smarties!" I looked over at Future Sylar, and in probably the cleverest thing I've ever done, I went over and tried to knock him over (to imply that he was stupid, get it? Lol! I'm such a tricky jokester!)

"Hands off the fur, bro!" Future Sylar shouted as I tried to touch him daintily.

"Well, if I can't knock you over, do you at least have some smarties?" I asked, pouting.

"No. Woman, do you?" he asked girly.

"No, but I've got drugs," she said.

"Awww, drugs aren't sugary goodness," Future Sylar pouted.

"No, they're not," I pouted too!

But anyways, Smarty-less, I started thinkin' about things! Bro? Girlies? Cow tipping? These were hella un-Sylar-like activities, lol! OMG, or was it? The next thing I knew I was pushin' over a cow! An icky, stinky, buggy cow! This is not me! I'll have to look up to Future Sylar to provide a good example for me, since he never like, turned straight!

The Return of Future Sylar

2007-11-05T16:39:00.000-05:00

So, I was in the height of my depression, with no way to cure my heterosexuality sickness when I got a welcome visit from a totally super friend! I was out in the desert takin' a pee pee, when all of a sudden I saw a guy admiring my junk!

"Nice weasel," said the voice with a giggle. I looked up...and saw Future Sylar!

"Future Sylar!" I shrieked. But..I killed you! How could you be here?"

"Teehee, you silly goose! That Future Sylar that you killed was from a different timeline or something! The timeline changed when sexy Petey didn't blowed up the city! That Future Sylar you killed never existed! Now, we have me! A totally sexier version!"

"But I definitely ate the brains of SOME Future Sylar!"

"Or like, did you?" Future Sylar asked, raising his eyebrow. "You don't have any of his hella awesome powers!"

"That's because I had freakin' indigestion!"

"Or did you?" Future Sylar raised his eyebrow.

"Yes, I did!"

"Or did you?"

"Um, I think so?"

"Or did you?"

"I guess not."

"Or did you?"

"Hmmm, you're right, maybe I did!"

"Or did you?"

"No, you're right, I didn't."

"That's what I thought!" Future Sylar had wonned.

"Whatever! You're lookin' super sexy by the way. Future Sylar, tell me, when will I like, get my powers back? Without them I'm getting these...like totally icky manly urges! I need to get rid of them and become my girly self again!"

"I don't know, hun, I never lost my powers," Future Sylar responded.

"But how? You're me...from the future!"

"No, silly! A Future Sylar from the future came to me and saved me from icky Candice when I was held hostage! I kept my powers!"

"Then, how come that didn't happen to me?!"

"Because YOU'RE the Future Sylar," Future Sylar said mystically. He then broke down and giggled. I wanted to kill him and totally eat his brains but: 1. I wouldn't get his powers and B. I get indigestion from Sylar brains anyways, lol. Or do I? I thought for a minute.

"Are you gonna say anything?" Future Sylar interrupted my quick thinking. "You've been standing there in silence with your little Sylar stickin' out of your pants for like 15 minutes or some junk."

I knew I was thinking about something. But what? Oh well! I had another thought. "Well, anyways, how do I get rid of these non-flamboyant urges?!"

"I never had them! I had my powers, so as soon as I ran into these two silly twins I killed 'em 'n stole their powers, lol!"

"Damn you for your, like, effectiveness, Future Me!"

"I like, know, lol! Anyways, I've come to help you get through it, like you came to help me! So continue on your trip! I'll meet you at your next stop! If I don't help you, then Future You won't go back in time to help Past Me, who is supposed to then progress to the future and go back in time to help Past You, who will go forward in time, to become Future you, who will go back in time to help Past Me, who will become Present Me, who will go back in time to help Past..."

He went on like that, stupidly. I was thinking about hot gir...I mean hot guys after I lost him at "then Future You won't..." Anyways, eventually his brain stopped working from using to much smarts, he stood there for a few minutes while it recharged itself, and then he totally teleported away.

"Bye Future Me!" I shouted. I felt a lot better about myself knowing that Future Sylar would help lol.

"Sybriel?" Maya had walked up behind me. "Who are you talking to?"

"Just my weasel, lol," I giggled, zipping up. I looked at Maya, then down at my pants. A tent or some junk was being pitched.

"AAAAAARRRRRRCCCCCHHHHHHH!" I shrieked!

Clearing My Mind!

2007-11-03T15:20:00.000-05:00

OMG, me, Maya and Miguel, er I mean, Maya 'n Alejandro were all sleepin' in the car. With all these confusing feelings I've had about Maya, I like, had to get out of there! So I walked into town.

I had to do something to totally clear my mind, and there were two things I knew that could make me happy! Like, eating brains and oogling boys lol! So I walked into the local theater-place with a mission on my mind!

As soon as I walk in I saw a bunch of Texas hillbillies dancing about. I heard singing on the stage!

"I'm a little bit country..." a chickie voice sang. I looked to the stage. These two were singing!

"I'm a lit bit rock 'n roll!"

This was freakin' perfect 'n some junk! I had sexiness, AND a murder victim, like all in one convenient stagey location!

"I'm a little bit sexy!" I sang, and jumped on the stage. The two had stopped singing and were making out, they stopped to stare at me. "I'm a little bit of a brain-eating homicidal serial killer...oll (gotta rhyme, lol)!"

I pulled out my trusty brick, my like, newfound murdering weapon and stuff, 'n clubbed my victim on the head, who fell to the ground, dead. I totally giggled, proud of my feat!

I looked down, and was like, totally freaked out at what I saw! My victim...was the totally hot, sexy guy! And he didn't even have a power! I killed a cute boy, but why?!

The girlie knelt next to the dead one and started crying like a Sylar...well, like a Sylar when he was girlie! Now I didn't know what being a Sylar was! "Donny! You were too beautiful to die!" She looked up at me. "What have you done?"

Like, yes! What had I done? She was supposed to die, and I was supposed to run away with the hot boy! But...my body didn't let me do it! What was happening to me?!

I felt something soft, curvacious, and lustful on my hand. It felt good. I looked down to see what it was. I like, freaked out! My hand was on the girly's butt! And I liked it!

I breathed deep, looked up towards the heavens, and let out a pained, "NOOooOOOooOOocOOooOooOOO!"

I ran out of the theater, shrieking in terror.

Burnt Toast!

2007-10-30T05:24:00.000-05:00

Hey guyz! You can find me on Burnt Toast Diner this week! Hopefully I can get a post up on my personal blog this week if I have time, too! Until next time! Toodles!

A Sylarz Song

2007-10-24T04:39:00.000-05:00

Hey guys! Still on the road and super bored, so I thought I'd write a lil song! We already know I'm awesome at it from Hank's rap, so let's try again! Here we go!

(Chorus)
Sylarz, Sylarz, he's so hot, he's so great!
You want a date?
Maybe if you are a hot boy
You can be Sylar's sexy new toy

Powerless, and friendless, yet still lookin' for guys!
Gonna buy all the jewelry, money can buy!
For myself, looking great, in my right ear!
Now isn't there something about me, you think quite queer?

Well, it's that my powers are gone, that's right, of course!
I hope you weren't thinkin' about something perverted or worse
Cause I'm as pure as snow, and perform no sin
I'm speaking of course of man love, but murder is in

(Chorus)

Alejandro, Alejandro, what'll I do with you?
I'm not sure if I'll molest you, or turn your brain to stew
But I think I have an idea, that you'll see with your eye
I'm probably gonna hit on you and then perform homicide

Now Maya, Maya, if I didn't like boys, you'd be hot
But that is not the case so unfortunately you're not
So I see you as expendable and hopefully soon
I'll tear your brain out, take your power, all by noon

(Chorus)

I'm so sexy, hooooot, in more ways that one.
All you sexy boys are lookin' to get some.
But the one I'm really lookin' for has got to be Peter.
And when I find him and accost him it's gonna be sweeter.

Syter 4eva!

Friends?

2007-10-21T18:06:00.000-05:00

Lol, well, my friendship with smoke monster didn't really end up like I'd hope. Instead I ended up shrieking like a little Sylar for most of the time I spent with it. Making out with smoke makes it like, kinda hard to breathe 'n junk! Who would have thought?!

Well, anyways, somehow I like, mysteriously escaped. I'm guessing it was through the power of the smoke monster. I bet she gets tired of guys quickly. I was used 'n teleported away to stinky desert!

Well, after almost getting hit by a sweet Nissan Rogue, the bestest cars in the world (I own 4, as does every member of the Sylarkin family even though I've killed most of them lol), it like instead stopped and picked me up! Friends? Could be!

I found myself in a car with a gross white boy, an annoying latina, 'n a hot latin boy! I tried to make my move on the hottie, but it seemed he didn't understand English. God, stupidity like, totally turns me off, 'n junk. Especially when it comes in the form of a Mexican from the continent of Asia lol!

So, I gave up on the stupid latin boy and instead tried to make friends with the peeps closer to my elevated intelligence level lol. I talked to the white boy, but all he talked about was "Waaah, waah, they're murderers!" He like, was racist against murderers! I, like, am a murderer 'n stuff! So I killed him dead for his racism lol.

So then I tried to talk to the Latina girl. She was pretty, but not as hot as Sylarz, lol.

"Hi, my name is Sy...briel Gray."

The girlie burst into tears. "Hi Sybriel. Nice to meet you."

I was confused by her silly crying. I mean, as a Sylar, I'm used to crying. But this crying was silly!

"So, do you like, have any hobbies, 'n junk?" I asked sexfully.

She cried harder, "I love dancing, and donkey riding, and crying."

I turned to the sexy, stupid latin boy. "PMS?" I axed. He looked at me like a big, dumb stupid guy who can't like hear Braille lol. I totally forgot he was stupid 'n stuff!

I turned back to the crier. She was eating an ice cream sandwich, and crying. "Oh, I love ice cream sandwiches," she whined, in between tears. "They're my favorite."

I picked up my bloody brick to crush her annoying crying skull, but then, stupid sexy latin boy grabbed my arm 'n started shouting.

"Blah blah! Bloo blah blee blah!" He screamed like a prehistoric Lutheran lol. But I looked into his sexy eyes and they calmed me, even though he was stupid and his sister cried more than a Sylar, I started sucking my thumb and fell asleep in a sexy fetal position.

I don't think this characters will make good friends :( In fact, I'll probably kill them when I get my powers back, lol. The search continues!

An Evening With Smoke Monster, Part 2!

2007-10-15T12:09:00.000-05:00

So like, what pair of hoey friends are like the hottest in the whole wide worlds?! Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. Mary Kate and Ashley Olson. Sexy Sylarz and Smoke Monster lol. Oh I got that sexy monster all hoed up, with some sexy rouge, some blush to bring out its smoke bones, and some hot black lipstick to compliment Smokester's hot black smoke.

So we like, started wandering in the woods like a couple of hot wood elves lol, until we ran into John Locke! He was like, kinda icky. I didn't really see what smokester saw in him. He was old! And bald! Ewwww!

Anyways, ugly Locke saw us and stood up, looking with intrigue at Smokester!

"John," said Smokester.

"You again?" ugly Locke said!

"John, I want you to be with me."

"Haven't we already talked about this? I can't be with you anymore. I just can't."

Smokey started to cry big billowing smokeful tears! "But John, I love you!"

Ugly Locke looked annoyed. "Well I don't love you! I love Jacob! We're together and happy!"

"NOOooOOOooOOcoOOOooOooOO!" Smoke Monster let out a bloodcurdling shriek!

"I...I've gotta go. I've got a date with Jacob. I can't be late."

Ugly Locke pranced off, and all was left was me 'n Smokester, with her cryin' like a lil Sylar lol. But just then, some peeps passed through the forest near us, and one was like totally led by a hot boy! Not only that, but they shouted that they could totally get off the island now!

"Like, freedom, lol!" I giggled, and ran off toward them!

But before I reached the hotness of hot boy, I felt a tug on my dainty leg. I looked down 'n saw the gentle touch of Smokester's smoke on my leg. All of a sudden it dragged me down and started pulling me, OMG! Smokester dragged me down into a hole in the ground! It must be her love nest! She'd taken a desperate turn and settled for a sexy Sylar as a rebound!

"But I don't like girls!" I shrieked as I descended into the darkness of Smokester's love pit!

An Evening With Smoke Monster, Part 1

2007-10-10T03:37:00.000-05:00

OMG! So yeah I'm still like, totally powerless, 'n like, SUPER bored without any brains to eat or boys to look at! So, you know, I kinda took a walk in the woods for some reason! This place totally seemed familiar, a LOST kind of place, kinda like a place where a plane would crash, with Matt the fat mind reader boy being the pilot! Silly Matt! Marriage, flying planes, trying to shoot Sylars, he just can't do anything right lol!

Anyways I was kinda walking around, pouting and throwin' a hissy fit, when all of a sudden, I heard this sound that hella heard like a mix of a constipated cow tryin' to let loose and a Sylar mating call lol. I turned and OMG guys, you won't believe what I saw!

It was totally, like, a billowing billow of billowy smoke! And it had a bow or something on!

"OMG I totally love your bow, it's like, so cute!" I shrieked in cute joy at the thing!

The smokey thing stared at me for a moment, sucked it's bow into it's smokey smoke body like a thingie that sucks things to hide it, and then to my surprise it talked or something!

"That wasn't a bow! I don't wear cute things! I'm a vicious killing machine!" it said in a totally deep voice.

"Awww, you do wear cute things! And I'm a killer too lol! So don't even try it! So, who have you killed?"

"Mr. Eko."

"Well, why did you do that, silly billy? To be special?" I sexfully asked.

"Well, you see, I asked him out on a date, and he told me he wasn't gay. Why do people assume that ominous clouds of smoke are male?!" the girl smoke whined.

"Oh, so you're a girlie? Lucky!"

"No! I'm nothing! Do you see any genitals?" The smoke swung its smokey groin at me.

"No fun spots?! Then what's the point of finding a man?!"

"Can't a creature find something more than lust in a man? Can't one find...love?"

I stared at him/her smoke thingie stupidly. Smoke thingie waited for my answer but then smartly realized that I was too stupid and wasn't going to answer lol. Well, anyways, the sexy smoke thingie continued!

"Anyways, I haven't had much luck! I almost had Locke down in my sexy love pit, but stupid Jack pulled him away. God, is he annoying. And then Mr. Eko, turning me down, thinking me gay, he had to die!"

"Well I tell you what, how about I totally help you go find a sexy guy?"

The smoke thingie like, sniffed, and looked at me with its puppy smokey non-existent eyes. "Can we kill Jack, too?"

"Of course! I wouldn't have it any other way, silly!"

To be continued or some junk, lol!

OMG, A Powerless Sylarkins!

2007-10-09T05:00:00.000-05:00

My specialness, NOOooOOocoOOooOOoOoOO! It's like, totally gone! Waaaa! Waaaa! All my adventures in the sewers and my silly Dr. Phil murdering escapades were all like a...um...a...dream! Yeah, that's it! They were a dream! That silly fat lady Candice/Michelle/Ambiguous Fat Girl like totally made them my fantasy! She knew me like, so well!

Unforunately for Candice/Michelle/Ambiguous Fat Girl (I like, totally don't read the graphic novels. Those are so nerdy lol), I didn't know that I didn't have my super specialness! So I killed her to try to get more super specialness! But I didn't get any super specialness! Instead, I just got a case of the runs worse than I got from tacos and Future Sylar brains! I like, totally let loose in that sexy barrel outside my lil hut! That was a cute lil hut, wasn't it? I bet I could decorate it to make it so cute! With intestine streamers and brain lamps and all other sorts of cutesy wootsy decor OMG it'd be so hot!

Wait a minute, I forgot, I'm not special anymore! Waaaa! It's like high school all over again! I'm gonna get made fun of for dressing like a girl! And if I had Candice/Michelle/Ambiguous Fat Girl's brain, I could totally like, beCOME a girl 'n some junk! But now, what's the point of killing peeps when you don't even get specialness from it? 'N I ate fat girl brain! I used a straw to suck it out through a lil hole in her fat skull like a fattening fatty chocolate milk shake! Ugh! My thighs are gonna be feeling this one! And I'm not even SPECIAL! Waaaa!

Well, I think I'm going to go into my cute little hut and cry some more. Maybe then I'll have some adventures on the LOST island or whatever the heck this place is that I'm like, totally trapped on. I'll tty guys lata. Rescue me!

A Sylarz Vacation :(

2007-10-03T04:16:00.000-05:00

Hey guyz! I am going on a lil trip. I know, I know, I just started blogging again. But like, don't worry! I'll be back next week, on Tuesday!

In the mean time, you can totally read about my dancing fantasy with Mr. Glasses at the Burnt Toast Diner. Here's a lil taste of it!

Until next week then! TTYL!

Opposite Day!

2007-09-30T13:00:00.001-05:00

Hey guys! I've been like, searching for friends 'n stuff! I realized that Dr. Phil was like totally right! If only he had agreed to be my friend, he'd like, still be alive, lol. Oh well! I hate bald guys anyways. They're icky!

So I went to option #2, which was like, a totally sexy option, involving a man with some sweet, hot rims. Mr. Glasses! He left me a comment on this post the other day and it made me think of something! I knew his screen name and totally gave him an IM!

Mr. Glasses hurt me. Oh well! I guess I'll have to kill his daughter sometime, lol! Wait, I would have done that anyways, lol! Anyways! I need to find someone else to be my friend! Maybe I should look to some of my Burnt Toast Diner internet friend bloggers! But who?!?!?!

OMG A Trip to the Surface!

2007-09-27T14:32:00.000-05:00

OMG Mohindy has me like, so mad! Spreading rumors, chattin behind my back like I'm dead or somethin! And now I find out that he totally has a live-in BF in fat dislexic cop, Park Mattman! Aaaarch, I'm like, so mad I could throw a pillow at a catepillar! And then cry! And then kill someone! And then cry again!

So I figured it was hella time to rise up to the surface and like, maybe take a shower or something! But that wasn't THAT important! No, first thing was to like, heal my many emotional wounds that Mohindy caused me! So I knew it was time to go to a shrink! And I decided to go to Texas, to the best shrink there is!

Yeah, this guy! I like, totally knew him from Oprah! I used to watch them together while I was eating brain splits covered in hot fudge 'n whipped cream 'n brain juice lol! Anyways, his receptionist didn't want to let me in for some reason or something! So I like, killed her and just told the sexy doctor that I was his next patient lol!

So, I sat down 'n told him my story about Mohindy 'n junk, 'n he kinda just stood there 'n looked at me 'n pondered! When I finished though he started to give me his wise wisdom!

"You need to get out of this relationship," he said. "It's destructive to your life! I mean, look at you! You're covered in some sort of red substance, and you've got chunks of little red stuff all over your face! You are a mess! You need to turn your life around!"

"Oh, lol, I didn't know I had brain on my face, sorry doctor," I said as I wiped the brain off with my sleeve. "But like, anyways. I can't forget Mohindy! I don't have anything else left in life! Except maybe that sexy guy Petey, but he might, like be dead! And angry at me 'cuz I tried to kill him 'n junk."

"Well in times of tough relationships, it's always good to lean on family! That's what they are there for, Mr. Sylar!"

"Uh, that's not really an option, lol."

"Friends then! Friends are good people to lean on!"

"Fr...Friends?" I asked, a like, totally stupid look on my face.

"You don't have any friends, do you Mr. Sylar? Maybe, instead of worrying about relationships, you should worry about getting some friends, first! They can do wonders, and frankly, it just isn't healthy to be without any of them!"

I thought for a second or two...or maybe like 10 minutes lol. Sorry, it takes me a while to think. Anyways! After many minutes of totally awkward silence, I had a bright idea! "Um, like, doctor? Would you...be my friend?"

"I'd love to be your friend, Mr. Sylar," the doctor responded with love and what I knew was definitely lust!

"That's hella sweet! Do you wanna go back to my place and give me a makeover? I just got a new makeup set and I totally want to try it out! Oh, and I could give you a new hairdo! I've totally got this awesome set of weaves that I could put in your bountiful hair to make it like, super sexy!"

The doctor looked at his watch. "I believe our time is up."

"But I need a friend! I totally need someone to eat brai...I mean, ice cream with, and cry and talk about boys and all that girl stuff!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sylar, but I don't have time to talk boys. I have other patients!"

I was like, totally flying into a rage or something! He wasn't my friend! He was just, like, humoring me 'n junk!

"You're not my friend! You're like, totally a robot!" I shrieked, using totally stupid slang that I knew some weird California kid uses!

I guess I kinda lost it there lol. Let's just say that when the doctor's next patient came in, he kinda saw something like a dead doctor on the ground with half a head and his brain missing. Oops lol! I just can't help myself sometimes!

Mohindy, You F(r)iend!

2007-09-25T04:42:00.000-05:00

Mohindy, you friend! Wait, um, is that the word I'm looking for? I don't think so cause friends are usually peeps who are nice 'n junk to you. I don't know, I haven't had many, but maybe Future Sylar, who is kinda me lol. Anyways, what's like, the opposite of friend? A mean peep who has avalanches in their heart? Oh yeah, a fiend! That's what I definitely meant! Mohindy, you fiend lol!

Right when I get ready to make my triumphant comeback he spreads lies about me! Like how when all the football players...and cheerleaders...and band geeks...and nerds...and pretty much everyone of the school spread lies about me trying on cheerleader uniforms when I was in high school! Oh wait, that was true, lol. But something like that! I can't think of a better like, comparison 'n junk! So anyways! I'm ready to make my triumphant comeback 'n Mohindy, that fiend, my ex, jealous lover, spreads lies that I am dead!

Ok, so um, maybe Mohindy wasn't an ex lover, sadly, oh how I wanted that hot professory man. But it was like, not to be. I think he was worried about having an affair with one of his students or something, I don't know lol. Or his experiemental test subject. Same thing!

And maybe Mohindy didn't lie about me being dead. I guess he really did think I was dead or something. I mean, I guess this would leave that thought or something!

OMG look how pathetic I look all lying there, dead 'n stuff! Oh wait, I'm not dead. Am I? Is this ghost Sylar? No! Don't let Mohindy convince you you're dead, you idiotic sexy idiot! Why am I talking to myself? Live Sylars don't talk to themselves! That's what dead Sylars do, ahhhhhhhhh!

Ok, ok! I promise you guys, I am alive (I think)!? 'N maybe Mohindy saying I was dead wasn't the work of a jealous ex-lover! Maybe I am the jealous ex-lover! And this is what I will do to Mohindy when I come across him! If I can't have him, like, no one will lol!

Preview!: "Leave Claire Alone!"

2007-09-20T17:25:00.000-05:00

OMG guys, hi! I've been like super busy, but I've got a spare sec to share somethin' hella interesting with ya'll! I wanna give all my friends a taste of what's to come starting Sep. 25, so I'll give ya guys a little story while I totally eat my lite dinner of rat brains. Ending up in this sewer was like, a great thing for me! It helped me start that diet I've always wanted to start up! And I'll take these low fat rat brains over veggies anyday! Veggies are yucky :( as is most other non-brain food lol.

So some guy/girl read my last blog post and somehow put two and two together and like got four! And THEN, like, somehow, through that like totally hard math problem (I would have guessed five), he realized that I was still alive! This got him all nervous and stuff. I guess he thought he was gonna eat his friend's brain or somethin', which is usually a safe guess lol, and ya know what, he was like totally right, because he was talking about Claire! He sent me a video of him whinin' like a lil Sylar lol, here he is!

Some of my favorite parts, lol:

"You’re lucky she even saved the world for you, bastard! Leave Claire alone! PLEASE!”

"Speaking of heroism, when is it it heroic to try to kill someone who is going through a hard time?!"

"Leave Claire Bennet alone right NOW! I mean it! If you want to kill her and take her specialness, you deal with me!"

Lol, that's good stuff! Like, more girly than I am somehow, and that's totally a first, I mean, girls aren't even girlier than me lol! Anyways, I thought I'd invite him to my lovely sewer home to, you know, girl talk 'n stuff, maybe do our nails together, 'n probably end a lovely, fun-filled evening with my new gal pal by tearing open his skull 'n eatin' his sweet brain so he doesn't try to stop me from killing Claire later lol! I guess I could totally take a break from my new diet to fill up on some whiney emo feminine guy brains! I got a super fly image in my head of a lock of sexy blonde hair falling onto the floor, Petey style lol.

Anyways, before I invited him over I totally figured something out!. I know what you're thinking, "Wait a minute...Sylar, figuring something out?!" lol, yes it's true, sometimes even I have a bright idea! Well, maybe not a bright idea, but definitely some kind of idea! And this was a good one! So here's my like, smartest idea ever: there is like, no freakin' way that a person this silly could exist! It's way too...what's that word they use...oh yeah - mellon dramatic, lol. Kinda like this guy Sendhil Ramamurthy's acting, who looks kinda like my ex-lover Mohindy. He's got Mohindy's looks, but not his brains! Hmmm, that relationship would work out better for me lol! I need someone on equal smarts ground as Sylarz!

Anyways! I figured it could be a practical joke! But who would play such a joke? It had to be someone who could like, shapeshift! Could it be Candice? I didn't think so, cuz I didn't know her, and my old BFF Future Sylar told me that the first time he met her was when he ate her brain lol. Oh how I miss that sexy man.

Then it hit me. Who else could make super sweet illusions but my friend Future Sylar?! He was playing this, like, totally funny joke on me! It had, like, to be him lol! Even though I thouroughly killed him through...lol can you guess? Brain eating! But I'm sure he could find a way to survive, and he had to like be alive, he had to be through the power of Sylar love! My heart has brought you back Future Sylar, I can feel it!

A, Like, Return to Sexiness!

2007-09-04T18:21:00.000-05:00

OMG, hi guys, it's been so long! Sorry for like, my totally long absence, but after I ate that hot guy's brain I kinda had to go 'n try to kill Petey, lol! I was planning on posting right after that, I swear! But I got stabbed and, like, had to nurse myself back to sexiness with some icky turtles!

Ewww, they were gross...

But there is some news that's da bomb! Eating that guy's brains gave me the power of super grammar, as you can see! I don't type like a teenage girl anymore! But don't worry, I still act like one, lol. Anyways, with this hella ability I can prolly totally seduce smart guys like Mohindy! Yay!

Well, I guess that's about it for now! I'm kinda busy gaining the super awesome power of being a turtle ninja! It's hella sweet. But I just wanted to let all my friends know that if they miss me, I'll be back! Not yet, though, I'm thinking somewhere around September 24th or something, that date seems about right.

In the meantime you can read about my past adventures until then! Why not catch up with my former BFF, Future Sylar? Or maybe one of my fun times with Mr Glasses (I miss him :( ). Or my epic battle with Simon Cowell! So much fun to read up on! Just check out my blog archives on the right!

Remember guys, leave the love if you want me to start posting again on September 24! If you've all forgotten about me, I won't bother :(, but if you want more Sylarz, drop me a comment, lol! Hope to ttyl!

sylarz jumps the shark!

2007-05-17T13:07:00.000-05:00

well hear we r only a few more adventures til my triumphant xplosion n itz time 2 jump the shark. lets watch!

i arrived @ a big building in nyc wear i new i wud find the man from the company i wuz looking 4. i new this dude like had sumthing like the pwr of good grammar.

i rode up a elevator n wen i got off i saw him.

on the left, justin vp of like primatech paper n his russian bodyguard vladimir sputnikskyov

well the place wuz kinda packed w/ peeps so i figured i wud do this the easy way. i wuznt 1 4 cajun styled brainz but i didnt want 2 get my hands dirty killin all these peeps individually! i usually dont due that if itz more then 50 peeps or so. so i blewed up, xploding the whole room! peeps shrieked as they were engulfed in flames omg it wuz so funny lol. they were all like phoenixes! xcept i dont think theyd be rising from the ashes lol.

i looked around the corpses n didnt c the vp tho! wear cud he b? it wuz then that i saw he n sputnikskyov emerge frum the bathroom. sputnikskyov like totally saw me amongst all the death n destruction n charged @ me like an enraged prostitute who has yet 2 contract a std! i mind trick sawed off his leg n he fell b4 he reached me lol.

i force pinned justin against the wall n raised my finger 2 begin opening up his brain.

"Wait, stop! You can't do this," he whined like a lil baby

'actually i think i kin! ive killed many a peep b4 u silly!'

"But I created you!"

i wuz confused by this statement. i thought babies were created by mommies n daddies? not paper company vps that r younger then u. i kneaded 2 uncover the truth! 'wut do u mean?'

"I am your author! You came from my head!"

'wut?! no silly im sexy sylar! i write my own posts! n i knead ur pwr 2 b like totally cool!'

"No! Your terribly bad grammar is my satire of internet culture and speak! When thinking up a way to parody you, I thought, 'what is the complete opposite of an insane serial killer?' And that is you! And now the only reason you want my power is because I'm sick of typing like an idiot!"

i wuz confused. i looked dwn @ sputnikskyov 4 guidance.

'iz he telling the truth mr bodyguard?'

"If I tell you, will you let me live?" he axed.

'ummmm, prolly not but i wont eat ur brain while ur still alive how bout that?'

"Sounds good to me. I'm not his bodyguard, I'm his nurse. He's crazier than democratic society."

that wuz all i kneaded 2 hear! i killed sputnikskyov w/ a quick mind trick n then sliced open justins skull his sweet grammatical brain xposed. i like feasted yummily!

i just finished my meal of brainz now im rdy 2 type 2 c my knew pwr @ werk....

rip future sylar

2007-05-15T06:40:00.000-05:00

well guyz itz time 4 my last plotline b4 i xplode! if u wanna read about my awesome battle w/ caveman u kin hear but i haf sumthing else going on!

im kinda sad that i killed future sylar...he wuz 1 kool guy. my 1 n only bff. who else cud understand a brain eating cross dressing cereal killer then himself n mayb his mom. n now both of those peeps r dead! waaaaaaah

well o well that just like amplifies my rage n want 2 kill evry1 lol. but future sylar taut me many things n the 1 thing that stands out most of all iz that good grammar is like totally coolz! i knead 2 get that skill but i kint due it myself! im 2 stupid lol!

luckily 4 me i think i no sum1 w/ the pwr of good grammar! i met him while i wuz like imprisoned like a fat dyslexic cop in a sylar cell lol! he wuz like the vp of the company or sumthing!

while using my totally awsum hearing pwr i heard that there is like a paper convention hear in nyc or sumthing! that means the big wigs @ primatech will b hear hehehehe.

ill avenge u future sylar! ill murder ur murderer...er wait no...i guess i kint due that. ill preserve ur memory or sumthing lol. yes that i kin do! ill make u proud by earning the pwr of good grammar!

btrayal!

2007-05-11T18:08:00.000-05:00

future sylar! that cur! that usurper! that like big doodie head! 1st he tells me that he and future mohinder r partners in crime n sumtimes get 2 play spin the bottle! that wuz bad enuf! but now hes crossed the line! now hes come back in time to hit on present mohindy! the nerf! he already has his own mohindy! y must he steal mine??? i saw them getting rdy 2 go in2 a motel room 2gether!

yes thats him! ok i no mayb it looks familiar mayb it is present me n mohindy a month or so ago but ive planted the evidence now no 1 kin tell its rly future sylar n i did rly c those 2 2gether! i knead like the pwr 2 take piccies w/out a cam or sumthing lol!

newayz evn tho future sylar n i were knew bffs i just cudnt allow this. so i sat in the dark petting mohindy the lizard evilly my face covred in shadow until he got home. he did! n turned the light on n jumped wen he saw me!

"OMFG you scared me, silly billy! What are you doing like, sitting in the dark 'n stuff?"

'wear were u lol?' i axed

"I was totally killing peeps and eating brains, duh!"

'no! u were hittin on mohindy!'

"I would never do that! I know that's your man! I would never hit on the boyfriend of my best friend!"

'lies!' i showed him the piccy.

"Um, that's you, laugh out loud."
Enter away message text here.
it wuz then that i mind trick pinned him against the wall n stared at him w/ love adoration n hatred all at once!

"Um, what are you doing, laugh out loud."

'no1 puts theyre hands on my man n lives 2 tell about it!'

"Uh, laugh out loud, I don't think that's a very good idea. I could kill you!"

'but then u wudnt exist!'

"So?! I'd be dead anyways!"

'wait a min. if ur nething like me n i think u r u wudnt be smart enuf 2 no that!'

"Hmmm, oh my gosh, you're right! Well, I guess one of us is leaving without a brain and it should be me! But you're going to keep going forward in time and coming back and getting your brain eaten by your past self in an infinite loop!"

'omg no silly i no this is going 2 happen now so i wont go back in time!'

"No, silly, you're not that smart. I already killed Future Sylar back in my present, and just came back in time to get killed by Present you again!"

'o...well mayb im smarter!'

"Nope! And you're going to regret eating those tacos tonight!"

'howd u no i had tacos? wuteva lol'

newayz i started tearing open his skull n he giggled like a girl! i pulled out my ice cream scoop n 8 his brain like a pint of ben n jerrys! lol! i wuz shure 2 be pwrful now! but my stomack didnt feel good! i teleported into the bathroom!

kneadless 2 say i came out future sylar pwrless! his brain went write thru me thanx 2 those cursed tacos! if only i cud teleport back 2 warn 5:00 PM sylar not 2 eat them! but alas my teleportation thingie wuz gone! dwn the potty like a broken dream!

o well lol. i got my vengeance! n i kin alwayz kill that azn boy n be able 2 teleport! soon it will happen!

sno globes n sizzers n dead mommies o my!

2007-05-08T04:32:00.000-05:00

2day wuz a totally lonely day! future sylar is off sumwear suspishusly stoned hippy is dead n wen i called mohindy he didnt seem 2 wanna talk as if! he evn tried 2 call the cops on me that hurts mohindy!

well newayz theirs alwayz 1 peep who wud always appreciate sylarz even wen evry1 else has abandoned him n thats mommy!!! unfortun8ly she still thinks of my as 'gabriel' omg i h8 that image of me! but 2 c her i figured i better not go dressed as a totally hot chick w/ the fashion sense of laura bush. instead id be a total watchmaker nerd man i h8ed that!

newayz mommy wuz totally luving me n wanted me 2 b specialz but when i tried 2 show her my specialness i totally threw a sno globe at her face lol! i thawt it wuz prty funny but i guess she didnt she ran away like a scared sylarz wen he sees a ugly peep!

newayz i tried 2 get 2 her but she wudnt haf ne of it! she tried 2 kill me with like sizzers lol!

silly mommy! she thinks im merciful 2 mommies! but no! i am even more vishus 2 mommies! espec my mommy! i sizzers stabbed her lol it wuz prty funny!

ok well mayb i showed a lil emotion frum stabbing mommy but it wuz only bcuz it wuz my time of the month (figuratively speeking lol)! newayz since she wuz mommy i figured it wud b best 2 leaf her skull intact n not eat her brian lol since i owed her that much 4 raising me in2 the special ladylike he-she ive bcome! but i DID paint the future in her blood so thatz almost as good as eating brians lol!

newayz a weener hiro came n tried 2 kill me but i foiled him *yawn*. i guess that wuz prty much it 4 the day! i wunder wear future sylar iz? if i no him and i do since hes me and i no me hes prolly doing sumthing stupid and/or sexy. hopefully not sumthing ill b jealous of tho!

omfg sleepovr lol!

2007-05-04T00:23:00.000-05:00

ive finally found the 1 that i luv! its me! from the future lol (tho im prty awsum in my present form as well)! newayz me in future sylarz had a sleepovr last night! it wuz fun! we painted nails did hair watched sad movies! but the best part of the knight wuz wen i decided to call peter!

omg omg he actually answered! "Good bye," he greeted

i wuz confused by his greeting! 'good by?" i axed.

"Yes, it is futile to say 'Hello,' since eventually we all part, anyways. Whether it be to go to the store, to leave me for another man, or to get killed by a druggie ex. Such is Peter. Who is this?"

"OMG, what's he saying?" future sylar axed.

'omg shut up!' i said 2 future. i talked bck 2 petey. 'im just a sum1. i liek ur knew haircut lol'

"I hate it. It makes me want to die and makes me a shell of my former self."

'ur cute' i said

"I know, and emotionally deep. Is there any reason you're calling me?"

'um well...the reason im calling is bcuz....i think i like u!'

i hung up the fone n giggled madly!

"OMG, I can't believe you actually said it!"

'omg i totally no! i wunder wut he thinks? i hope he likes me 2!'

"I bet he does! Who couldn't like someone as sexy as you?"

'well...did he ever like me in the time between now n the future?'

"Um, well...let's have a pillow fight," future sylar exclaimed, changing the subject. and we did! we giggled n hit each othr w/ feathery pillows as in r sexiest lawngeray lol

2 brainz r totally bettr then 1!

2007-05-02T05:52:00.000-05:00

omg omg omg! i liek totally met my future self i wanna tell u guyz all about it hes so kool n kinda hot lol! we had a totally like deep convo!

OMG I should be writing this fly introduction, I mean, I'm totally like the one who has the better writing ability and stuff! Anyways, I guess that's all we really need anyways, so I guess we should get into our conversation lol!

omg! its freakin me wuts goin on hear?!

Hi homey! I'm totally like you from the future lol!

no way!

Yes way!

wow i look prty hot but how come im not dressed sexily

OMG you look totally da bomb too! And I guess I'm not like dressed in your Past attire is 'cause I'm so used to being President. I'm the specialest person there is!

omg rly?? thats so kewl! how did they let a weirdo cereal killer murderer girl man liek me bcum pres??

'Cause! I can totally create illusions! See?

*Future Sylar illusions himself*

Hi!

omg u r like sooooo hot! how do u not take advantage of urself??

I do, you silly billy goat!

lol even after years of futureness n lookin like a totally hot dude its still me under their!

Totally!

So that was like, it! What a time Past Sylar and I have been having! We get along so well! We're gonna do each other's nails in a minute!

gimme my blog back future sylar lol! wut a sweet sexy man he is but i knead 2 keep up w/ my peeps! so wut do u guyz think of wut i bcum? pres n way special n capable of turning in2 hotness that i kin take advantage of wenever i want its like totally awsum! well i guess thats all 4 now! toodles!

Guest Poster: Future Sylar

2007-05-01T04:01:00.000-05:00

Heys guys! Guess what? It's me, Future Sylar! I bet you're wondering how I got here to Present Sylar's blog, huh? Well it's simple, really! I beat Future Peter in our fight (he escaped though, poo nuggets!) and then went and ate Future Hiro's brain from his dead carcass and went back in time and now here I am!

I bet I know what else you're wondering...Yes I am coherent! But don't worry, I'm like...still myself lol! I've just been holding back a little to surprise you! BUT it's amazing what can become of me in five years, isn't it? I mean, five years in dark times will improve anyone's grammar, don't you think! That and in five years' time it has become like, totally uncool to type things with bad grammar, I'm so ashamed looking at this blog! That and like, I ate someone's brain with the power of good grammar. I guess that helped a little bit too, lol.

But you know what? It's like good that I can type and talk kinda normal now! I mean, if I couldn't, I wouldn't be able to be like Fake Future President Nathan. I mean, look at my totally awesome trickery!

"My fellow Americans. Today is the anniversary of a great tragedy in our history, one which will never be forgotten..."

OMG that is so funny! I don't even know how I do it without laughing! Retard bad grammar Sylar wouldn't be able to do it but I can get by, but just barely lol!

So what else is radical about my new grammar? Well, for one thing, slang from the '90s has become popular again lol! So, I can say that Orlando Bloom is totally da bomb, which I can say in this present time because he's dead in the future (Someone *cough cough* may have stolen his dope elven powers).

Anyways, I'm like hoping to meet up with my homes present Sylar. OMG, no, not to warn him, I like totally love the future! I'm the specialest homey around AND I am the leader of the free world! Present Sylar will be sooooo surprised to hear that! Anyways, the real reason I want to chill with him is because he's like totally the flyest cat around and to let him know that he is like following the right path to boys! Power equals boys, present Sylar, lol! Oh, and fix your grammar! It's like, totally unattractive or something lol.

sylar gets his first heckler!

2007-04-27T20:30:00.000-05:00

omg! did u guyz read the comment on this post? i got a heckler lol! he called me a homo which i dont care about but he also called u guyz homos and i cant haf that! luckily i haf friendz in hi places. mr glasses! i sent him a im!

sexy_sylar: hi mr glasses!

haxor_rims: You...

sexy_sylar: relax mr glasses i dont want ur daughters brain i just want ur help w/ this guy on my blog did u c him?

haxor_rims: Indeed I did. It seems you are dealing with an internet troll. Very common. Lowly creatures that usually live in their parents' basements and have nothing better to do than bash things that they don't like to make them feel better about themselves and their poor lives.

sexy_sylar: oic

haxor_rims: Don't worry, I can help. I have a...friend who may be of some assistance.

sexy_sylar: awsum! thanx a lot mr glasses!

haxor_rims: Anytime, Gabriel. One more thing...I'm madly in love with you.

sexy_sylar: i luv u 2 mr glasses!

ok ok mayb he didnt rly say that last thing but the rest wuz tru! newayz he wuz able 2 track trollies IP by contacting spoon fed n i wuz on my way 2 his house!

i got their n nocked on his door. a lil ol lady opened it w/ her hand full of a tray of cookies! they smelled good. they'd smell even better w/ brain chips lol.

'im looking 4 a internet troll' i said evilly lol.

"You're looking for sonny. Are you his friend?"

'he has friends? lol. o wait i mean yes yes i am im sylar his bff from hs!'

"Oh, ok. I'm his mother, nice to meet you. He should be in his room at the end of the hall."

i walked down the hall n opened his door. their he wuz the troll sitting at his computer!

'i remember u lol!' i said w/ my devil voice as i mind trick pinned him against the wall!

"You...you're a homo!"

'uh duh lol i cud haf told u that myself u silly billy goat!' i retorted smartly

"I hope you get AIDS and die!" the silly troll said w/ class n dignity

'mayb i do haf aids lol i cud be cruel n give u my aids n let u die slowly hmmm that wud be kind funie wudnt it? but no i think ill be humane n end ur useless life by tearing open ur skull n eating ur filthy horrible brain that is sumhow less intelligent then mine lol'

so i used my mind trick n tore open his skull n he shrieked like a lil girl lol! he cudnt heal like petey so he didnt put up much of a fight n died real quick. didnt put up much of a fight wen he didnt haf his computer 2 hide bhind lol.

newayz i 8 his brian n wuz rdy 2 go! i walked out of his room n gave the trolls mommy a big smile

'it wuz gr8 2 meet u!' i said w/ my mouth still full of brain n blood all ovr my face

"You too. It is good to see my son actually has a friend."

i giggled at that thought n left the house mission accomplished.

painting the futre!!!!

2007-04-26T15:41:00.000-05:00

so guyz u all no that i killed a smelly hippy insidentaly got hi n now i haf the pwr 2 paint the future! well ive been doing sum drawings n thought i wud show u guyz wut ive come up w/!!!

itz obvious this piccy is from the nuklear winter i cawz! hear we c 2 fearsum warrior peeps ready 2 fight sum1! cud it b me?? mayb! i hope so! i bet that 1 guy has sword generation pwrs lol!!!

a couple more special peeps! i dont no wut these guyz r good 4 but they shure look happy! thatll change wen im tearing there skull open n eating there brian lol

wut cud this be lol? i no! i think its me! yes! mecca sylar wen ive gotten evry special peep pwr their iz lol! i may not b as sexy as mecca sylar but i shure am special! i dont think i wud be able 2 be stopped! i cud eat all the brains in the wrld n destroy mankind for no reason bcuz i haf no motif left!!!

my last 1...wut is this?? nooooooooo! i found luv it seems but...w/ that big green thing?? it cant be!!! i wont accept it! this will be my undoing?? my downfall?? i find luv in the fat green n ugly not the sexy hot n manly? i cant let this happen! i must change the future!

munchies!

2007-04-24T04:52:00.000-05:00

omg i wuz so hi n hungry i totally kneaded sumthing 2 eat! so u no wut? it wuz time 4 a good ol fashioned killing spree! i hafnt rly been on 1 since my cross country adventure so i figured it wuz about time! unfrotuneatly i wuz in manhattan n wud cause a seen w/ a spree so i kneaded 2 go sumwhere no 1 cared about...new jersey!

once there n in a sity i wuz quickly greated by the local wildlife! a daughter of the street came up to me

icky prostitute woman: Lookin' for a good time, honey?

me!: ewwwww no ur a grl!!!!

she wuz licking her lips provocatively n i mind trick pulled her tongue out. she tried 2 scream but cudnt lol it wuz so funie! i totally froze her n her nippies stuck out how embarrassing! then i feasted on her brian.

a women then stepped out of a cab after a night of drinking. she had 2 wlk dwn a dark alley 2 get home n i followed her. she strted wlking faster n noticed i wuz behind her n she like turned around n omg tried to spray me with girly spray but i mind trick stopped her!

Woman: Please don't rape me!

me!: lolz dont flatter urself!

mmmm anuther brian in the belly as i tore her apart. 1 more target! a man w/ a garbage bag came up 2 me n showed me wut wuz inside

Street Hustler: Wanna buy a watch, man?

me!: timepeace lolz

Street Hustler: What the hell is a time piece?

me!: ur broken u silly billy goat!

i proseeded 2 brutally tare open his skull! he let out a bloodcurdling scream n i giggled in response as i removed his supple brain n took a bite

omg these brians were so good! they had nvr tasted this good b4. heavenly! my taste buds were dancing in joy as i feasted! i wish i cud alwayz xperience this but i had no stoned hippy brian left to amplify my taste buds! 2 bad but it wuz good while it lasted! i got 2 go on a killing spree n eat sum tastey brians! o well i had my fun i guess itz back 2 werk. i knead 2 find more pwrs!

manic depressive!

2007-04-23T02:17:00.000-05:00

omfg so yea i totally went back 2 mohindys house n saw that he n petey were both still sporked 2 the ceiling n wall respectively just were i left them it made me feel good!

well u no i wuznt feeling like it wuz time 2 finish the job yet. i dont no y but it doesnt just seem like the write time yet! maybe on monday yes monday that wud be good!

newayz since i wuznt in a killing mood their wuznt much else 2 do but sit back relax n have a cup of chai! i almost drank evil mohindys poisoned chai but my wits were 2 smart 4 him so i thru it in his face n giggled!

so w/ no chai i had nothing 2 do but shoot the wind! iz that the write xpression? i think so! im so bad w/ these things. that wuz more mohindys territory. o wut a team we made but no more! i culdnt talk 2 mohindy bcuz he tried 2 kill me n broke my lil sylar heart. so they're wuz only 1 choice 2 go w/...the emo 1.

me!: omg like hi!

Peter: "Hi?" Such a meaningless phrase of emptiness from a man devoid of all emotional capabilities.

me!: wut do u mean? i luv things! i luv boys! milo ventimiglia is hot!

Peter: A man capable of killing innocent human beings is not capable of feeling the dark emotion of love. A man must be able to feel emotional pain to know love. You obviously do not.

me!: that hurts! i kin feel things! im human! im just totally special lol!

Peter: If by "special" you mean the metaphorical equivalent of the heartbreak of your first love leaving you for a more masculine man, then I agree.

me!: ur worse 2 talk 2 than mohindy!

Peter: From one who is so emotional crippled and as shallow as you, I am not surprised. You act like a cheerleader, the most shallow of all beings.

me!: omg thanx im glad u noticed! do u like my nails

Peter: No, they're petrifying.

me!: o so thats how it is huh? well then mayb we shud get write back 2 it!

so it wuz time 2 finish petey off. i removed the sporks from him n mohindy n held them tight w/ my mind trick instead! i raised my arm in the pose that i had left petey n mohindy in the last time i saw them n continued from wear i had left off....

omfg macys!!! (the birth of santa sylar)

2007-04-22T00:32:00.000-05:00

omfg it wuz time 2 do sum shoppin b4 i went 2 go visit mohindy n petey n kill em off lol! i got their n browsed there purses. i had enuf dresses since i wuz a good dress maker but not many alligater skin purses so i got 1 cuz it made me look hot!

newayz on my way 2 check out i saw santa! yes santa! remember itz sumtime between oct 2 n nov 8? yes i haf been in captivity 4 a month had a cross country journey killed heroes w/ mohindy n hunted down simon cowell all in a months time kin u belief it?

yes newayz it wuz sum day b4 nov 8 n santa wuz in macys! i totally wanted 2 ask him 4 sum brains 4 christmas since i am a magical princess n i still belief in his power! hmmm mayb he had a pwr? he CUD travel the wrld delivering presents 2 evry grl n boy in a night! he must be special! i must kill him!

so i waited 4 santa 2 take a brake n he did! he went out 2 snort a line of sumthing sugar i think it wuz! newayz he turned n saw me in my prty dress n his jaw like dropped at my sexiness! n then he puked but thatz neither here nor their! so u no i killed him no biggie n 8 his brain but their wuz no pwr! uh oh! n i herd kiddies cryin out in line w8ing 4 santa. hmmm...mayb i cud get a pwr from them c if they were broken wen they sat on my lap! so i put on santas suit n went out there!

sadly 4 me no kiddies were broken. no specialness 4 me! but i did get 2 feel warm n fuzzy as i spread the magic of christmis 2 the children! ive nvr felt so alive! until i 8 the last kiddies brain 4 fun cuz i wuz hungry. oops! o well i wuz nice 4 a while thats more than kin b xpected of lil ol me! i guess itz time 2 go find petey n mohindy. toodles!

like omg yatta!

2007-04-20T01:45:00.000-05:00

omg omg! look at me im totally finally back in the awsum sity of ny! yatta hella yatta lol! i haf no idea wut that werd means but i think it means im hot n thats so totally tru!

newayz it wuz gonna be a hella bizy time 4 me cuz i had a lot of stuff 2 do! of course the big thing wuz 2 finish off petey n mohindy but i had other things 2 do 1st! in fact i thoght it wud be a good time 2 relax so i took a lil trip 2 central park!

i sat on a park bench! it wuz sum nice seenery let me tell u! no im not talkin bout the greens but the boyz! boys running walkin there dogs. it wuz heaven! i had totally forgotten how much i liked comin 2 this place! i guess murdering peeps 2 steel there pwrs kin kind of make u forget wear u came from! but i remembered now n boy wuz it good!

it wuz then that a smelly hobo came up 2 me beggin 4 money. if theres nething i hate itz smelly hobos! i tried to restrain my killing urges that i seem 2 haf so often bcuz i wuz enjoying the seenery n didnt want 2 haf 2 leaf. but he wudnt take no 4 a answer! he pulled out a gun n told me 2 give him my money! but i still said no n he said he wuz totally gonna kill me like omg nooo!

me!: u dont wanna do this u silly billy goat!

Hobo: I don't, but you've given me no other choice!

the smelly hobo shot at me! i stopt the bullet w/ my mind trick like i did w/ mohindy. it wuz funnie.

me!: omg! i wuznt begging for my life i wuz totally offering u urs lol!

i wont go in2 the detales on this 1 bcuz well lets just say it wuz a lil gross! i had no use for his brain so i did quiet a number on him! if he had a pwr it wuz only being smelly n useless n those werent pwrs i wanted so i tore him limb from limb! he wuz a bloody mess wen i wuz thru lol. i usually dont like killing 4 no reason but i rly dont like hobos especially 1s that wave shiny things in my face!

so i had 2 run! o well. theres plenty more 2 do in ny n at least i got 2 check 1 thing off my list!

o wear o wear has my niki/jess gone?

2007-04-19T01:58:00.000-05:00

omg hi guyz! so im totally back in amerika but i dont no wut 2 do w/ myself! i guess i shud go to nyc n deal w/ petey n mohindy but im not rly feeling like that yet! actually ive more been thinking of niki/jess! w/ jeremy dead (who wud haf thought a jehovahs witness brian wud be so tastey) n niki/jess missing r alliance iz gone! but actually that iznt my main concern....

wut wuz i thinking allying w/ a special peep who kneads fixing? gosh! my hatred 4 simon totally clouded my judgement! that iz not my mission! my mission is killing as many peeps as i can n gaining specialness along the way! i totally had a special peep write in my grasp n i made friendz w/ her instead of killing her n eating her brian! wuts wrong w/ me! i guess it didnt help that she took me shopping that is a weak pt but still!

so now im hoping 2 find her so i can write my wrong. next time i c her shes like totally dead lol! omg i bet her brain is xtra tastey i so hope i find her!

omg wait a min she kinda reads my blog sumtimes didnt she? oops! dont pay ne attention 2 ne of that niki i totally want 2 find u so we kin team up again it has nothing 2 do w/ brain eating or murder! well mayb murder n brain eating of other people but there will be no eating of ur supple tastey special brain that i cud totally use 2 get myself super pwrs! so if u read this come back niki! i knead brai...er, friendship n teamwork n allies n brainz!

n if ur not niki mayb u guyz cud help! ive been posting flyers up evrywear in hopes of finding niki/jess! hopefully sum1 will c her n call me! if not mayb u guyz cud help n post sum of these flyers 2! omg like thanx ill ttyl!

xcape from jurassic park!!!

2007-04-18T03:18:00.000-05:00

i ran! i used my super speed omg it wuz the only thing that kept me ahead of that skurry dino ^

but i wuznt gaining ne ground! i like kneaded a distraction sumhow! mayb if i fed him hed leaf me alone! so i used my navigational skills 2 find other peeps. n find them i did! it wuz a spoiled princess n her daddy!

Brat: But daddy, I don't want to leave, I want to see American Idol!

Daddy: They've all left, Veruca, the dinosaurs have escaped, we need to get out of here!

Brat: I'm not leaving until I see Sanjaya.

me! (as i ran bye): sanjaya is totally t-rex food lol!

Daddy: See? That bearded girl is running; we have to get out of here!

the daddy pulled out a book n showed sumthing 2 the girl. it wuz a piccy of the dino chasing me.

Daddy: Look! This is one of the things that's out there! We'll be trouble if we run in to one of these!

Brat: That doesn't look very scary...more like a six-foot turkey!

it wuz then that the dino got 2 them! it jumped thru the air n clawed the girly across the stomack. i looked back. u shud haf scene her face as her guts came spilling out onto the ground lol it wuz sooo funny! i mean not as funny as wen i tear off peeps skulls n eat there brainz but still prty good! the dino bit into her face and the daddy ran away! anuther dino came jumping out of the jungle on top of him n tore him in 1/2. i giggled as i ran!

newayz i finally got 2 a helipad w/ a helicopter that wuz about 2 take off! they didnt c me n were about 2 go! i wuz gonna jump onto the rail at the bottom but b4 i cud jeremy came running out of the jungle!

Jeremy: Sylar!

me!: omg jeremy! ur alive! weres simon?

Jeremy: He left as soon as the dinosaurs broke loose! He's gone! But boy am I glad to see you! We have to get out of here! We need to pray to God for aid!

me!: so u dont no wear simon went?

the helicopter started 2 lift away. we both looked up @ it

Jeremy: No! He's been torturing me! Both of my arms are broken! I can't hold on to that helicopter! You need to help me!

well carrying heavy things rly wuznt my things. n he didnt even no wear simon wuz! n he wud prolly want me 2 bcome godly n stuff wen we got back! jeremy wuz bcoming a nusance n i wuz hungry again. i totally tore open his skull. i giggled like a schoolgirl as the shock crossed his face! he wuz still alive as i started 2 eat his brain write in his skull lol. but i didnt haf time 2 eat the hole thing :( so i jumped up n grabbed onto the helicopter leafing jeremys rotting corpse n half eaten brain on the ground! as we lifted away some dinos came n started eating jeremys corpse! no free life 4 this 1! sorry jeremy!

well i had no idea wear simon wuz now n it has been a long time since i left mohindy n emo peter in new york sporked 2 wall n ceiling! i think i shud prolly go check on them! but simon is not forgetten. once i get a lead on him i will finish the job! hehehe!

rip jeremy n bratty girl

omg im like totally back!!!

2007-04-17T00:35:00.000-05:00

omg guyz! ull nvr belief wut happened! simon totally captured me! well his goons did newayz...

yea thats the meanie who took me away! :'(

newayz i wuz brought b4 simon who wuz being fed grapes by sanjaya. he wuz totally evil n took my laptop away n sanjaya sang a single note n caused the laptop 2 totally xplode! noooooO! i cried n cried n cried cuz i cudnt come on hear n tlk 2 u guys! i wuz as sad as a emo peter who got a de-emoed haircut.

newayz...simon being the mean poopyhead that he wuz...dcided not 2 kill me but 2 torture me! they subdoed me w/ a mind trick blocking iv thingie (mohindy style) n totally had sanjaya sing! my sensitive ears w/ there sensitive hearing wuz like almost gonna xplode! it wuz torture!

but luckily 4 me i wuz able 2 turn off the iv w/ my mind (even tho the iv wuz supposedly subdoing my mind trick (hmmm another plot hole (the 1st 1 being when i turned off mohindys iv w/ my mind (even tho it wuz supposedly subdoing my mind trick))). newayz sumhow i totally did it even tho i shudnt haf been able 2!

newayz sanjaya saw me mind trick untie myself n totally ran off screaming like a girl even more girly than me i dont no how that cud be possible. but i didnt get 2 kill him n i totally kneaded a brain. newayz i left the room n found a spare laptop yes n thats how i kin talk 2 u all again! im so happy! newayz i left the building i wuz in. it wuz totally empty i didnt no wear ne1 wuz! i didnt no wear niki/jess or jeremy wuz!

newayz once i got outside i realized y evry1 had left as sanjaya got eaten by a rampagous t-rex on the loose! luckily 4 him bad singers cant be digested so i new he wud be pooed out unharmed. but there were dinos on the loose! i totally had to xcape so i ran while trex wuz feasting on sanjaya!

so it wuznt long b4 i ran into this guy stalking sumthing in the bush. i totally new he wud be able 2 help me! he wuz looking at sumthing out in the jungle. i stepped up behind him n giggled. he turned 2 look at me n his eyes bulged like the pants of a hot boy who sees me in a dress!

sylarz: omg hi!!!

Muldoon: Clever girl.

i totally mind tricked open his skull n tore it off n mauled him like a ostrich in heat! xcept by ostrich i mean transvestite n by heat i mean hunger. i feasted on his brian. he totaly DID help me! i wuznt hungry nemore lol!

newayz it wuz then that i noticed wut he wuz looking at. little mean dinos! they charged at me! omg i prolly shudnt haf killed that guy!!!

amerikan idol park!

2007-03-28T06:31:00.000-05:00

hey guz im totally back! sry 4 the few days absence ive been on a helicopter out 2 isla nublar but now im here n omg i finally c simons diabolical plan.

we all no that amerikan idol is 1 of americas most evilest institutions since aarp write? well theres only 1 way that it cud get ne eviler other than joining forces w/ aarp. n thats combining forces w/ evil genetically engineered dinosaurs from an island off the coast of costa rica manufactured by a ugly old man w/ white hair n a cane w/ sum honey stuff on the end n a bug in it! it totally seemed thatz wut this place wuz!

we came up 2 sum big scurry gates. i wuz w/ my friend jeremy n niki/jess of course. these gates were big n obviously kept in sumthing big. but that wuznt even the scurriest thing! no! it wuz the sign on top!

ooo scurry. newayz we got in n totally realized simons fearsome plan. these poor bloodthirsty beasts. simon had totally crossed dino-bug genes w/ human singing genes! i heard rubens and justins n clay aikens singing everywhere. but the voices came from dinosaurs! wut had simon dun 2 them??!?! we saw a trex practicin 4 the comp!

Jeremiah: Dear God. Poor creature can't even hold the microphone up to his mouth. This is an insult to the disabled! Those with little, retard arms, that have no mobility or usefulness! You've gone too far this time, Simon. You've outdone the Muslims! And that is not an easy thing to do. You must be terrorized.... :cocks gun: ...Christian style!

jeremy wuz inspired n so wuz niki/jess! brontosauruses were singing dolly parton n that wuznt making her happy lol!

Niki/Jess: Die, gentle giant!

omg she totally shot them a few times but they just thought it wuz nats r sumthing n that pissed niki/jess off even more so she shot it sum more n it still didnt do nething. eventually she wuz just out of ammo lol.

luckily 4 us we had a plan! if simon wuz invading the dino gene pool (no not the kind u swim in lol) with good singing genes 2 make a good show mayb we cud invade the gene pool w/ bad singing genes!

2 help us we enlisted a fat nerdy guy named nedry. i had a feeling he wuz gonna die in sum totally funny way like getting spit on my a icky dino r sumthing but newayz he helped us gather 2gether sum real bad genes that we cud totally use 4 polluting the dino gene pool! sumhow he had a huge amt of...dee snyder genes! lol that wud do it. if we started infusing dinos w/ that we wud ruin simons plan 4 sure. thanx a lot dee!!!!

the battle of sexiness!

2007-03-25T00:07:00.000-05:00

lol look at me! it wuz my catlike grace n intelligence that got me passed the merciless guards. but now i wuz inside the old folks home! oh god it smelt worse than a dead jackie wilcox after rotting 4 a weak!

newayz i wuz inside n 1 of the old ladies at the desk knew i wuz w/ mama c-crest cuz she wuz the only resident cat lady so they picked me up n carried me 2 her room lol! omg good thing i have this toned lil body!

newayz she put me dwn n i wuz in the room alone w/ her. mama c-crest!

she culdnt c very thank god she prolly wud haf fainted do 2 my hotness! newayz...

Mama C-Crest: Gigglepants? Is that you?

me!: mrrreeeow!

Mama C-Crest: Oh Gigglepants, I thought you were dead! Come here and give momma a kiss!

i wlked ovr 2 momma c-crest n licked her cheek. ewww her skin almost fell off! i almost puked up kittens as the taste of mothballs n rotting flesh filled my mouth ewww! newayz it wuz then that c-crest walked out of the bathroom n saw me! he pulled out his handgun n shot at me but i mind trick stopped it!

Mama C-Crest: Ryan! How could you! You killed Gigglepants!

C-Crest: Stay away from him, mother, he's an evil doer!

me!: no lol the evil doer is totally you!

i said that in my hella awsum evil voice lol. as i did that i mind trick pushed him against the wall n started to pull his skull off. but b4 i did he totally used a pwr of his own! not rly a specialness pwr but a pwr newayz! the pwr of sexiness!

look at that man! i totally cudnt do it! i stopped myself from killin him. i guess i DID knead info after all lol.

me!: tell me wear simon is!

C-Crest: Never!

me!: tell me or ill spank u!

C-Crest: You can't do it, can you? You can't kill me. I'm too hot to be killed. Mwahahaha. My evil plan is a success!

me!: mayb not but i cud always man rape u!

C-Crest: Hmmm. Touche. Simon's on an island by the name of Isla Nublar, off the coast of Costa Rica.

me!: sounds familiar...

C-Crest: Most of our evil plans revolve around random references of things, so it should!

me!: i c

i totally gave c-crest a wet willy then (w/ my tongue screw the licking of the fingers) he shrieked n i pranced off. i knew wear simon wuz! i cudnt kill c-crest but i guess its ok 2 leave a hot bod like that in the wrld. off 2 isla nublar lol!

infiltration!

2007-03-23T00:29:00.000-05:00

so ive totally found c-crest! that cowardly hunky tricky man! he wuz totally helpin his mom get into a nursing home! she wuz a cat lady 2 n mrs glasses led her 2 her discrete location in isolated kentucky.

unfortunately bcuz of big c-crests present there wuz an army of amerikan idol goons out front guarding the place! as if! they were totally patrolling the place w/ assault rifles. from justin 2 kelly...2 that ugly old guy w/ gray hair! they were all their! i new i wuz gonna haf 2 go in alone incognito in order 2 get past this horde. so niki/jess n the newly revived jeremy totally hid in the bushes n i put on a disguise. here it is!!!

i wlked over sexily on all 4s 2 the person who def had 2 b the leader. i mean he wuz def the strongest hunkiest toughest nastiest lookin dude there! i rubbed my black cat butt against his leg n purred.

Clay Aiken: Oh my gosh, aren't you the cutest little thing I've ever seen! I could just die! What's your name little guy?

me!: Mreeeow. Mrylar!

Clay Aiken: Awww you're trying to talk, that is so adorable! Well, Mrylar what are you doing here?

me!: MrI mram mrMrs mrSeacrest's mrcat!!!

Clay Aiken: Oh my gosh, I can't even believe how cute you are! You should go on in to your momma before I take you home and eat you up you cute little thing!

i rubbed my kitty buty up against him 1 more time purring sexily b4 i pranced inside. i wuz totally in! now 2 find momma c-crest n baby c-crest mwahahaha!

a new grave n a old grave. the same grave (a ditch)

2007-03-21T05:36:00.000-05:00

after my bout w/ carl weathers n nikis own adventure we got back 2gether n decided it wuz time 2 bury jeremy. we had left his stinking rotting corpse in the open back of r pickup in a 7-11 parking lot n figured it wuz best time 2 get rid of it b4 wwere suspected of hafing a rotting corpse n r truck. we also kneaded 2 visit a grave so we figured w/ cud totally kill 1 bird w/ 2 stones! we were off 2 the ditch.

we tosses jeremy into the ditch besides the skele of mr glasses'seseseseses dead mommy. i thru half a shovel of dirt on his body n figured that wuz enuf. i wuz started 2 glisten by then n i didnt want 2 get 2 sweaty n smelly lol!

i looked @ his body n totally puked in sadness. luckily wen i puke i puke kittens so thats wut came out.

at the arrival of the puke kitten a portal of fire n brimstone opened or sumthing! the evil mrs bennet descended upon us with her army of ghost kitties! the puke kitty from me recognized her as a hella cool cat lady n ran over to her. mrs bennet engulfed the kitten n flames n it scurried around in circles on fire til it totally fell dead. anuther ghost kitty joined her army lol!

me!: omg mrs glasses! u totally didnt lead us 2 simon!

Mrs. Glasses: No, I lead you to McWhiskers, which is whom I promised.

me!: but we knead simon!

Mrs. Glasses: Oh, well, you should have specified! Luckily for you, I also have a connection to that one, through the one that you call "C-Crest."

me!: but we totally lost him!

Mrs. Glasses: Indeed, but I happen to know that the Mother C-Crest is a fellow cat lady. Ryan is in Kansas, trying to put his mother in an old folks home. One...that doesn't allow pets! Beware of the catless cat lady. Such is the most vile of all evils you will ever face.

me!: thank u mrs glasses n thanx 4 the warning!

n w/ that the overly helpful n plot starting mrs glasses'seseses ghost disappeared. it wuz just me niki n two corpses in a ditch now. we were hella rdy 2 go after c-crest but b4 we did i figured i better say a few words 4 my old friend jeremy.

me!: jeremy wuz 2 young 2 die. he died at the tender age of 45. b4 his first kiss. b4 hafing a real job. y cud u not take me god?! or better yet niki/jess? i mean shes not even a hot guy! wut use is she?? instead u had 2 take the 1 guy i got the most action from! even if it wuz cpr it still totally counts! y god y?? he wuznt supposed 2 go this way! i wuz supposed 2 be the 1 2 kill him after he had outlived his usefulness n helped me destroy simon n wanted 2 try 2 convert me! i wud haf gotten a laugh seeing his face as i betrayed him n tore open his skull as he wuz in total surprise n started eating his brains while he wuz still alive! but now i wont get 2 laugh! dont u like seeing me laugh god?? y!!!!!

Jeremiah: You know, I'm still alive. And I don't appreciate your devious plan to use me and eat my brain when you're done with me. Is there anything I could do to change your mind?

i looked ovr n jeremy wuz totally standing right next to me!!! omg it wuz totally a miracle! i cud kill him after all! i beamed at him n tryed 2 give him a big kiss!

Jeremiah: Hey, now! I am breathing! No more CPR! I still taste your brain breath from then.

me!: sry. but how r u still alive?

Jeremiah: I was resurrected, obviously.

me!: huh?

Jeremiah: You know how in Mario you get a free live for every 100 coins you get? Well it's the same kind of idea in real life, only you get a free life for every 100 Muslims you kill. How else do you think the President has survived so long? He's been assassinated seven times already! But still he lives on, and you know why? The Muslim killing! Luckily, I must have JUST killed enough Muslims for my free life.

i wuz glad 2 c jeremy! niki/jess didnt really seem 2 care but she didnt kill him wen she saw him either so i guess thats better then nothing! newayz we were a team again n we were off 2 find n murder (or interrogate i mean lol) c-crest! ttyl!!!

xcape from the wicked witch of the east!

2007-03-20T02:41:00.000-05:00

omg we totally made it out just in time as simons evil house crashed dwn on us! we strted 2 swim up 2wards the surface but it wuz a long swim n jeremy cudnt breathe underwtr like i cud! he wuz out of air n we were only halfway up 2 the surface!

i totally kneaded 2 do sumthing! i did wut ne male strait or otherwize wud do. i pressed my hot lips against his n breathed into his mouth!!! his eyes like got all wide! i thought at 1st he liked it. but then i realized i wuz not breathing air in my lungs n omg i totally pushed wtr into his lungs! whoops!

we got 2 the surface n i dragged him 2 shore. we met niki there who had sumhow xcaped in a sub! i used my pwr 2 no how things werked n realized...he wuznt werking! his heart had stopped!

i wuznt gonna lose anuther guy! not after urkman n joey! i pounded onto his chest n totally made out with him sum more! but it wuz no use. he wuz like dead! WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!

Niki/Jess: Hmmm...seems Simon's won this one, eh?

me!: NOOOooooOOOoooOOoocoOOoOOOooO!!!!!! i mean yes. we must kill him once n 4 all!

so that wuz it! we packed up jeremys bloated waterfilled corpse into r pickup truck. n got rdy 2 drive off. i wuz a sad sylar. :(

o n read my burnt toast post. i got 2 take a much kneaded break from simon hunting. til next time. a sad toodles.

simon of oz!

2007-03-19T06:11:00.000-05:00

prev on mmmm brains...

evil simon of oz ahhhh!

and now r story continues...

Simon: Hello, Niki...or should I say, Sylarz?!?!

me!: u!!!! u urkel killer!

Simon: That's right, I killed Urkel. And for every time you try to foil me, I shall kill another '80s or '90s family sitcom star, until they are all dead! Mwahahaha! William! Bring him in!

it wuz then that that weird dude william hung came in with none other than joey lawrence! oooo wuz he dreamy i had many a fantasy about him in my younger days.

Simon: Do it.

the crazy bad singer totally stabbed the hunk n then ran away giggling like a totally unsexy hyena! NOOOoooOOoocoOOoooOOOOoOO! i caught joey as he fell down n uttered his final werds in 1 dying breath.

Joey: Whooooa!

omg he totally died in my arms! this sent me into a flying rage. omg i totally mind trick pushed myself in the air. c if i push dwn against the grnd there iz an = n opposite reaction. this is useful in rocketry...and mind trick flying! even i no a lil about inertia lol! so once i wuz in the air i pushed myself against the back wall n sent myself flying at him like a cheerleader toss gone awry that sends her into the stands killing multiple fans w/ her razor sharp toenails as she lands! i did the same thing doing a spinning rocket death kick that wud shirley stop simon!

but it didnt werk! i like just totally went threw him like he wuz a ghost or sumthing! brrr i h8 ghosts they r scurry!

Simon: You, idiot! I'm not really a giant, misty head! I'm not even really here! Misty heads with booming voices are just my way of communicating with my allies! You see, this is my scheming room, where we get together and scheme evil plans! It is also my summer home.

me!: o. then wut r u doing here tlking 2 me?

Simon: I've come to make you an offer. You see, I am an evil doer. But the irony here is, so are you. You lobotimized Britney Spears, attempted to assassinate the President, sporked a professor to a ceiling, and perhaps worst of all, gave an emo child a haircut! It makes little sense that an evil doer of your magnitude would fight with me. You'd think that your arch nemesis would be a good guy, not a villain. And I, Sylar, am the most villainous of villains. My proposition, then, is this: we join forces. Our villainy could take on the good guys, like Jack Bauer! Or Jack Shepard! Or Jack Sparrow! Hmmm, there are a lot of good guys named Jack. Good thing our mum didn't choose that name for us, eh? It's like a death sentence! Kind of like being sentenced to be homosexual by being named Bruce, Lance, or Gabriel.

me!: i may b evil but i wud nvr kill a urkman! ill never join u! nvr!

Simon: Very well. I'm afraid I'm going to have to destroy you then, Sylar. You see, my American Idol Air Strike Force has just flown out to sea, and dropped my Kansas summer home into the water, directly above us. In mere minutes, the house will descend upon our location, crushing The Wicked Witch of the East, which happens to be the name of this base, even though it is in the Western Hemisphere and off the West Coast of the United States. Regardless, you shall be destroyed!!!

me!: but! ud destroy 2 of ur homes just 2 kill me?!

Simon: Please. After these two are destroyed, there shall still be 17 left. And while two fall, five more shall rise in their place. Mwahahahaha!

it wuz then that there wuz a crash. the house wuz like on top of us! this caused a trapdoor in the ceiling 2 open n jeremy fell dwn on the grnd next 2 me!

me!: jeremy! come on weve gotta get out of here!!!

Simon: Not so fast! Monkeys! Destroy them! Do not let them leave!

omg freakin monkeys came descending down from the rafters then! they cud fly! the icky beasts descended upon me like a elevator thats going dwn! xcept 1 that has icky monkey hands and smells like poo! they slapped n clawed at me and i shrieked! my sissiness wuz preventing me from using my mind trick! n jeremy wuz incapacited from the fall! either that or he wuz being lazy...that may actually b it. newayz he talked 2 me!

Jeremiah: Sylar! You have to calm down! You're our only hope of escape! You need to use your telekinesis! Kill the cursed beasts from the underworld! I have fallen down and I can't get up!

I have fallen down and I can't get up!

the werds rang w/ me. urkman! i kneaded 2 prevail so i cud avenge him. w/ the scream of a constipated giraffe i activated my super mind trick! monkey brainz were exposed n quickly eaten! the corpses of the vile critters lay b4 me lol!

after the last monkey wuz dead jeremy stood up!

Jeremiah: I've gotten up. Now let's get out of here!

we ran n ran n ran all the while we heard simons evil laughter echoing bhind us! we got back 2 the dock but found our sub had detached. o no!!! the glass cracked n broke n water totally got into the base. omG i hated getting all wet wen i wuznt xpecting it! the room starting filling up with water n the frame of the base wuz barely holding the kansas house up!

finally the wtr lvl wuz hi enuf! we swam 2wards the hole in the glass n tried 2 get out! i heard creaks in the frame as it collapsed n the house came crashing down on top of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...

........

..........

omg r we dead lolz?!?! ull have 2 wait til 2morrow 2 find out!!!

Death by Tuna

2007-03-18T02:04:00.000-05:00

Guest poster: Niki
sylarz returns in 1 day!!!!!!

Niki here, stopping by at Sylar's request to share my showdown with the Cat Lady with him and all his readers. Don't worry, he'll show his pretty face again tomorrow when he finally faces his arch enemy, Simon. Now, where to begin…

Sylar was leading and the holy man was at my side when all of a sudden I was plunged into darkness. I was falling, but I stayed calm, knowing that my ninja like skills would grace me with a smooth landing. Jessica had been in control for a while, but her hatred of the feline species was stronger than her pride, and I could smell reek of the evil creatures even as I fell.

I hit the bottom with a quick tumble and jumped to my feet. Sure enough, the eyes of thousands of devil spawn were on me. Watching as I took in my surroundings, carefully and silently. There seemed to be a bridge ahead. I made my way through the darkness until I reached the foot of it. Sparkly gold letters read "Follow the yellow paws". Seems like my nemesis not only loved cats, but also the Wizard of Oz. Another log to fuel the fire of hate that burns inside the furnace that is my heart!

I crossed the bridge, looking down from time to time. If this was a trick, I'd have to be just as cat-like as she! I could see what looked like mountains of kitty litter below. Shiny blue gems gleamed up between the glowing eyes of the devil spawn. Must be Fresh Step. Too bad it didn't help the smell.

The other side of the bridge revealed a slim passage way. Dog skulls were mounted on the stone walls, their mouths serving as holders for bone shaped torches. These cats had a sick sense of humor.

The paw steps continued into an enormous room. Cats hissed and clawed in an orgy of feline cries. "Show yourself!" I yelled. The noise died down completely and thousands of glaring eyes shot to me. An old wheezy hiss echoed from somewhere ahead.

The sea of shiny eyes parted like I was Moses himself! Except a blond, sexy, and leaning more towards atheism Moses. Mosa. There, that sounds better. Or Mora, I always like that name. If I ever went into the Adult film industry… well, that's a thought better to be saved for another blog post!

With the masses divided I had a clear view of the Cat Lady's Scratching Post of Doom. It stood tall with no land below it, supported solely by a pair of thick chains at top. My hand rested on my gun, in case I had to blow any brave kittens away. I walked until I was close enough to see the Cat Lady's evil eyes in the darkness of her lair.

"You're on your ninth life" I called. "Let's end this, woman to freakish cat woman."

What I didn't realize then was that she had undergone some terrible transformation. Years spent in the company of no one but these Meow Mix eating fiends had slowly begun her development of catish characteristics.

I couldn't help but notice that there was little human left to her as the beast dove at me.

She was quick, but I was quicker. I rolled forward and she landed a fair distance behind me. Her size was gigantic. She was bigger than any cat I'd ever seen, and I've seen my share of cougars.

"You've gotten uglier!" I exclaimed in shock. I never imagined she could become more hideous than she had been!

It was apparent that her human voice was forever lost when she responded "yeaaaw"

We circled each other slowly, our eyes glaring, our muscles tense, in typical showdown fashion, when she lept at me again. Sighing, I glanced at something I'd noticed upon walking in: the giant tuna cans stored on the ledges above us. Taking aim, I shot at a large crack under one of the cans. With a loud thunder it came rolling down, heading straight for us. I moved aside, narrowly avoiding a collision with the speeding tuna. The Cat Lady's eyes grew large and she sprang for the safety of her scratching post lair. She picked the wrong hole however, and the can of tuna hit her head on, spilling tuna juice all over her beastly body. Looked like I wouldn't get the Hollywood showdown I deserved.

She cried out in agony as all of her kitty minions sprang at her, hungry for a lick of tuna juice. I listened to her death cries with a smile. They were beautifully excruciating.

When the bloodcurdling shrieks stopped, I realized my vengeance had been fulfilled. She would never spoon spank another child again. The feline army was still gathering around the scratching post, and I noticed a few hungry glances flashing my way. I decided to make my escape before I overstayed my welcome.

Sylar and the holy man could handle themselves, I decided, abandoning any thought of searching for a way back up from where I came. Instead I proceeded deeper into a set of tunnels behind the Scratching Post of Doom.

Luckily for me the Cat Lady had a submarine stored in a hidden section of the base. I emptied the bags of cat litter abandoned inside and started the button mashing process. It worked with Mortal Combat, and everyone knows video game strategies are pretty reliable.

The doors opened below the sub and I was on my way. Passing Howard Dean's bloated body brought another smile to my face. Hopefully Sylar and the holy man will find me on the surface. Surely they couldn't have been defeated…

Fishing for Truth!!!

2007-03-17T03:01:00.000-05:00

Guest poster: Spoon Fed
sylarz returns in 2 days!

This was the mission to end all missions!!!!

I was after a great EVIL-DOER!!!

For years, six seasons and counting, he has been sending manipulative messages using subliminal signals hidden in heinous insults and riverdance!!!!!

Thanks to an order he placed on eBay, I found his hidden lair! He bought two tons of bananas and a pig, obviously he was up to evil! The shipping instructions gave coordinates in the ocean to drop a waterproof package! I had to get there!! I'd need a Mexican fisherman for this.

Luckily, I found one. Se llama Paco, whatever that means!! I stood on the dock and yelled at him. "Quick!! You must get me to here now or we'll all die!!!"

He showed me his crab.

I slapped the conspirator out of his hands, sending it back to the depths of the ocean to plan their crab uprising. A problem that would have to wait. Simon was the bigger threat!

Several hours later (Mexican time) we arrived at the location. I hooked up with satellites in space and was able to get a GPS signal!! "This is it!" I screamed into the fisherman's face. I quickly disrobed and equipped my scuba outfit.

"Joo go underwater?" the man said to me.

"How do you know I'm Jewish??!?!?!" I grabbed the man by his mustache and ripped it off. Just as I suspected!!!

He was none other than Howard Dean!! An evil-doer who recently failed to become a grand evil-doer. I thought he had gone away, quit the evil business. I thought wrong!! He was back and attempting to thwart me!

I spit in his face! "Take that! I voted for Lieberman!!!"

"Ha! You would," he said, pulling out a handkerchief. He wiped the spit from his face. "He's nothing but a Republican in a blue tie."

As I was about to offer my rebuttal, he Kung Fu-ed me in the face! I fell backwards off the boat!!! My oxygen tank was weighing me down! I kept descending further and further into the ocean!!! It was what they planned all along!

I had to do something. I started kicking my feet! The flippers worked wonders on the water and I was propelled downward toward a large underwater base!!

"This must be Simon's headquarters," I said in bubbly underwater talk!

And then I saw undeniable proof! I must have proof before breaking into underwater bases. It would be unethical to barge into someone's base mistakenly. But this base had a submarine attempting to dock with it. Not just any submarine!!! It was a submarine flying a Islamic flag!!!

Muslims...the new Nazis, as I call them! Simon had clearly made a pact with the devil! This particular Islamofundamentalist was crashing into everything and everyone in his way! It's like he couldn't parallel park. It's a wonder how these people get their taxi license!

Like a cat, I darted...well, like an aquatic cat, I darted into the...well, maybe like a fish...I...like a flounder! I darted, like a flounder, around to the back of the base.

Then I saw the door! It was a big door! A scary door! A door of few words!! But the words were important and to the point!

"SIMON'S SECRET ENTRANCE"

I went inside!!

It was dark!

The door vacuumed shut behind me. I was trapped! And I could not see a thing!!

I scanned the area for computers. Surely an elaborate underwater base would have their lighting on a remotely controlled system!

Scanning...scanning...

"Security Cameras Off"

Hmm...

"Trap Doors Off"

Nope...

"Lights Off"

There! What the heck, I'll turn 'em all on!

"Security Cameras On"

"Trap Doors On"

"Lights On"

The light nearly blinded me. Suddenly I could see where I was. It was Simon's room. But I didn't see him anywhere!!

Then I saw it. The most offensive thing I've ever seen!! A Christmas tree!! Who puts a Christmas tree in their bedroom?!?! They do!! It must be an evil Christmas tree!

I walked over and saw a large window looking down into what was obviously the scheming room! I could feel the eerie presence of schemes long gone. It terrified me to think of the evil that must have been schemed within that room.

Then, three people walked up. More evil-doers!

But they weren't. One girl fell down a hole. The guy was pulled up by a rope! Leaving the one girl all alone by herself!

Then he appeared!! Simon Cowell!!! His huge head talked to the lady. I yelled at her, "Destroy Simon!!" She ignored me!! Perhaps she couldn't hear me!! She was distracted by the giant head and didn't even notice them approaching from the rafters!! "Look up you fool!" I warned!

But my warning went unheard. Unheard by the woman, at least. It did seem to attract the attention of Simon's most sinister underling.

"Hold it right there, missy!" he said.

"A simple henchman is no match for Spoon Fed!" I said!

He replied, "I'm no henchman. I'm the pool boy!"

"Why would anyone have a pool in an underwater base????"

"It's called eccentricity," he said.

"Oh," I replied! I kicked up my foot and pulled off my flipper. "Bring it!" I said taunting him with it!!

He lunged at me with a scream and I slapped him with the scuba shoe!!

He fell into the Christmas tree! As I was about to finish him off, I received a message from cyberspace.

"Help, Help, Hana Help!!"

It was the man in horn-rimmed glasses!! He needed me! This was my chance to get the truth!!! And maybe kill him! If he's still evil!!

I left the man sitting with an angel in his butt and opened Simon's Secret Door. I swam back up to the ocean. My boat was there, but Mr. Dean was no where to be seen! I took off my scuba gear!!

As soon as I got fully dressed, he appeared! He must have been hiding in the tackle box! He swung at me, and I dodged! Then I kicked him in the chest and sent him flying out of the boat.

"Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaah!!!!!" he screamed before drowning to death!

Battle of the Henchman!

2007-03-16T02:20:00.000-05:00

Guest Poster: Jeremiah Bartholomeau Christ the XVII

Greetings all! The name's Jeremiah Bartholomeau Christ the XVII! Have you found God in your life? Does Jesus' love light your path? I hope so! But I can't get into all this conversion talk right now. I'm afraid my "master," as he likes to be called, may be worried about me. Though we all know there is only one TRUE master of any being. Anyways, here I am, recording the events of my recent battle in Sylar's blog so he may ease his mind.

After ascending to what I thought to be Heaven, I realized I was just in a darkened room. Figures. Anyways I stood in darkness for a while, until the lights flipped on, and I realized that while I may not be in Heaven, I was at the next best place: the set of Deal or No Deal! I had always suspected that NBC filmed it in a secret underwater lair!

Anyways, the studio was empty, and I knew there was going to be a confrontation. This was the evil lair of Simon Cowell and his minions, after all. After a moment, HE stepped out of the shadows, standing before me.

Howie: Hi!

Jeremiah: Howie Mandel?! You are in allegiance with Simon?

Howie: Well, no, not exaactly. But he is.

Howie pointed to a window on the top level of the set. In the shadows sat the evil banker, one of Simon's most trusted allies. I gulped when I realized what was up against.

Jeremiah: I have to stop him!

Howie: I'm afraid...you're going to have to get through me.

Jeremiah: But...you're Howie Mandel! Everyone knows you're the cleanest soul around! You even have a soul patch! I can't kill you!

Howie: Few, well, that's a relief. I can't kill people, either. I try to look like a tough guy with this bald head and soul patch, but really, I'm a pretty boy.

Jeremiah: So...what do we do now?

All of a sudden, the phone rang. Howie answered it.

Howie: Hello?
Uh huh....Yeah...Ok, I'll tell him.

Howie hung up the phone and looked at me.

Howie: He wants to offer you a deal. He says that I am one of the worst henchman he's ever had working for him. He wants a replacement. He wants that replacement to be you. All you have to do is kill me, and then you can work for him for better pay than whatever your current henching fee is. So what'll it be, Deal...or No Deal?

Jeremiah: I can't kill you!

Howie: He's waiting for an answer.

Howie flipped open the box. Underneath it was a shiny button. It looked so pretty and red, and begged me to press it. But I was stoic! I slammed down the cover to the box and shouted "No Deal!" triumphantly.

The phone rang again, and Howie answered. He talked with the banker for a moment, and hung up.

Howie: He says you've got him on the ropes. His offer's gotten even better. Now, it's the same offer as before, AND you get baptized by a holy man, AND he'll let you convert him, AND he'll give you free Muslims to kill every week. All you have to do is kill me. So what do you say. Deal....or No Deal?

The shiny button was uncovered again. This was quite the inticing offer! That banker really knew how to play hard ball. He was a villain of the highest order! I looked over to the area where my friends would be. Of course, it was empty. This was not fair! I had no one to discuss this situation with! Or did I? How could I have forgotten: God, he'd know the answer! I knelt down to pray.

....

Awww, God didn't want me to do it, He said the sin of killing Howie Mandel could never be forgiven. With great disappointment, I shut the cover to the box, and said meekly, "No deal."

Howie: Hmmm, it seems we are in a stalemate.

Jeremiah: Indeed.

The phone rang one more time. Howie answered and talked to the banker. He hung up.

Howie: Alright, here's the deal. He says that since it seems you're not willing to bend on the whole "killing Howie" issue, and since I'm too incompetant to destroy you myself, he says he'll let you go if you at least kick me in the nuts. So what do you think of that? Deal...or no deal?

Well, that one didn't take much thought. With a swift kick to the holy Howie's groin, I shouted "Deal!" Confetti dropped and music blared as I won the game! The banker said that he would let me go as soon as Sylar's confrontation with Simon was complete. Now, all I have to do is sit here and wait til that happens. I wonder how Niki is doing?

quiet...2 quiet...

2007-03-15T03:01:00.000-05:00

so we got 2 the underwater base but there wuz like a prob! i had 2 dock the sub. i cud nvr parallel park lol! i rammed it into the glass a couple times n cracked it a lil. i finally docked the sub b4 the glass broke. thank goodness i didnt break it that wud haf...wait a min... that wud haf killed simon! lol o well showdowns r alwayz fun!

newayz the 3 of us entered the base. it wuz dark n quiet...2 quiet...espec 4 the haven of a amerikan idol nazi. niki n jeremy both looked this way n that. i sat dwn n filed my nails while they searched around 4 evillness. i felt weird...like i wuz being watched r sumthing! i thought i saw glowing eyes in the shadows but i wuznt shure. i shud be familiar with gazing from the shadows since i use 2 do that all the time but i guess ive gotten rusty with all this boy lusting n simon hunting. newayz it wuz then that it happened! thats right kitten attack!

me!: its in my hair! get it off! get it off!

it wuz then that the kat ladys army attacked! kittens surrounded us from all angles n the big bad serial killer of the team wuz incapicated! well i guess we were all cereal killers even the holy 1 but u kno wut i mean! how cud the 2 of them survive the cats w/o me??!

Niki/Jess: Cats! The perfect opportunity to test the cat-like quickness of my ability!

she put her gun away n started snapping kitty necks. the clawed n scratched at her but niki/jess wuz 2 quick!

Jeremiah: Felines, eh? Well, everyone knows that such creatures, as well as anything else not human, lack souls and have no salvation in Heaven waiting, so I don't think ridding the world of their hollow vessels of flesh would be sinful.

jeremy pulled out his m16 n began gunning down r feline attackers! but of course while all this killing wuz going on they left poor me gettin thrashed by the kitty on me! finally wen all the other kitties were dead niki/jess put a single round in the cat on my back lolz. dead kitties everywhere! sum1 had been killin sum kittens lolz!

newayz we moved on n reached a dead end. all of a sudden these green lights went on. we stood there waiting 4 sumthing 2 happen. a trapdoor opened were niki wuz standin in she fell! oh no! then all of a sudden a rope came down from the ceiling and lassoed jeremy n strted pulling him up!

Jeremiah: Yes, my Lord, take my unto thy bosom in your Heavenly kingdom!

he disappeared into a whole in the ceiling. hmmm odd how niki n jeremy stepped on such convenient locations where small 3x3 foot traps were n i didnt so i cud be alone 2 confront wutever lied ahead which wud prolly b my nemesis! newayz then green smoke came. all of a sudden an image popped up

Simon: Hello, Niki. Or should I say...Sylarz?!?!

oh snap it wuz simon! looked like r showdown wuz about 2 happen...but i wuz worried about my friendz (yes i do haf emotions other than lust n hate lol). i wunder wut happened 2 them?

sharkman vs sylarz!

2007-03-14T03:41:00.000-05:00

so i wuz totally swimming underwtr n mind trick pushin the sub w/ my team in it towards simons secret base wen i totally got ambushed! remember that romantic day w/ mohindy i had wen i stole the breathing guys pwrs? well he wuz totally back only this time in shark form!

it seemed the shark itself had a pwr...the pwr 2 meld its dna with other peeps that it eats! well it seemed the shark dna melded with the tastey underwater breather guy meal n he totally bcame shark man! we faced off in a death match...a match that wud be faut 2 the death!

he attacked by trying 2 seduce me flexing his bulging manly hunky hot muscles. luckily tho i wuz well prepared in my princess outfit n i countered by batting my eyelashes n pinching my nipples! i thought it wuz werking sharkman seemed 2 be falling for me. he opened his mouth lustily! n then he totally 8 me lol!

as i werked my way thru sharkmans body i came across the rest of underwater breathing dude. his body wuz infused into the sharky n tho brainless he seemed able 2 talk, prolly reanimated thru the sharks life force

Gary: Kill me...kill me...

me!: i all ready did silly lolz! well i made this sharky kill n eat u neway. i stole ur brain!

Gary: You...you did this to me?

me!: yup! ur brian tasted good!

Gary: Please then...be merciful...finish me.

me!: but...u haf no brian 2 eat. i all ready 8 it!!!

Gary: Please...to speak is like to endure the pain of a cheetah tearing apart my innards, yet you carry on like we're at a high school lunch table.

me!: omg did u hear about mr glasses??! he is like totally captured! i cant even belief it.

Gary: Please...mercy...

me!: n mohindy cud u even belief it?! i thought we rly had something but then he tried 2 kill me...oh ur sharky half is trying 2 digest me cud u cut that out i still haf a lot more 2 talk about. omg doesnt peter look better w/ the hair cut i gave him? i think he looks prty sexy now! 2 bad ill prolly haf 2 kill him after simon. n svetlana! she wuz in reality tv jail! im glad shes out now tho.

Gary: Can't...take...mindless...gossip!!!

i think gary totally tried 2 control his sharky half bcuz all of a sudden i got pushed away from him further down the digestive track!! i wuz about 2 be pooed out by a shark man!!! n i cudnt haf that so i pushed as hard as i cud in evry direction w/ my mind trick n exploded sharky man! i wuz free in his guts were floating evrywhere!

luckily tho i think i saw gary floating still connected 2 sum sharky part n still alive! lol im so glad! i hope he has fun dwn here in the bottom of the c w/ no way to move or mercy kill himself but i had to get back 2 the sub n keep heading there! the base wuz in my sites! til next time! toodles!

uss terrorism!

2007-03-13T06:30:00.000-05:00

so my posse n me headed 2 a naval base in cali! i had super underwater breathing pwrs but my partners didnt :( we kneaded a sub but jeremy wuz being whiney about stealin n killin being sins. niki/jess wanted 2 kill him but i thought of a better idea. while we were plotting in r hotel room i snuck out sneakily saying it wuz my time of the month n disappearing in the bathroom n jumping out the window!

it wuz a mere 2 hour drive til i got there. my car spontaneously combusted 4 sum reason once i got there lol prolly cuz i crashed it into a ship (sumhow). newayz i wuz successfully snuck in n i planted the evidence 2 get jeremy 2 help!

a mere 1 hr supper speed walk back n i wuz back in the bathroom. i came out n jeremy asked wut took so long n i said morning sickness. lol im so tricky!

newayz we went 2 the base the next day n wen jeremy saw the flag on the ship he went berserk!

Jeremiah: Heathens! Usurpers of the Lord! They must be destroyed!

silly jeremy pulled out the trusty m16 he always kept tucked away in the crotch of his pants n niki wuz always up 4 a good killin so we were rdy 2 go!

as we wlked up 2 the sub all armed with weapons n stuff army peeps started attackin us.

sylarz: omg like cover me lol!

niki n jeremy started gunning peeps dwn as i totally walked towards the sub. i mind tricked ne bullets that came my way in that totally awsum way i did wen mohindy broke my heart n tried 2 kill me.

i made my way on the sub. instead of military peeps tho there seemed 2 be curators n tour guides lol. they were unarmed but that didnt stop me from mind tricking open there skullz! i also chowed down on a few brains on my way dwn 2 the control room as i wuz hungry n hadnt had brians in a while!

i made it 2 the control room n instead of a pilot or xo their theyre wuz totally a head historian!

sylarz: like i totally knead control of this boat lolz!

Historian: Please, sir, I can't help you. This ship has been decommissioned. It can't be used! Please don't hurt me.

sylarz: de-composed? awwww ive eaten rotten brians b4 their not that bad!

Historian: No, I mean this submarine is not operational.

sylarz: operation? i luv that game lol!

Historian: No, no! You can't go places with this ship! It is stuck here! it doesn't move.

sylarz: oh poo

Historian: Please, spare me! I have a wife and kids!

well now THAT wuz just a silly idea lol! i mind tricked his head n feasted on his brian. being a historian he wuz prty smart n his brain tasted totally good! newayz niki/jess n jeremy joined me on the ship. they had killed a lot of peeps 4 nothing lol! or maybe not. i had a totally awsum idea!

i got out of the sub n used my underwater breathing pwr! i mind trick pushed the sub towards r destination. it wuz heavy. good thing i haf such a strong mind muscle lolz! newayz we were headed towards cat lady n simon now! getting closer 2 the showdown! toodles lol!

step 1 locate simon!

2007-03-13T01:42:00.000-05:00

so hear we r! on r path 2 finally destroy simon once n 4 all. i had my new bff niki/jess on my side as well as a knew henchman! their wuz 1 problem tho. simon had disappeared! no 1 knew where he wuz! he kneaded 2 find sum1 with a connection.

unfortuantely the most obvious 1 the diabolical c-crest had also gone into hiding. there wuz no siting of him newear! i new 1 day tho r paths wud cross agin n then id totally kill him 4 sending me 2 the cat ladys lair!

newayz we had 1 othr connection n that wuz thru the cat lady herself. n evry1 nos that antisocial cat ladys like 2 socialize w/ each othr n we new 1 othr such kitty lady! mr glasses'seseses mommy!

unfortunately 4 us she wuz like totally dead. but i knew 1 thing that peeps of god like n thats seances! i pulled out my ouiji board that i alwayz kept on hand 4 situations such as this n we used my navigater skills 2 totally find the ditch by the road she wuz decaying in lol.

we found her ewww her brain had gone bad (sry mr glasses i took a taste). we set up the ouiji board n set 2 it lol!

Jeremiah: I find this to be quite sacrilegious.

Niki/Jess: Quiet, holy man! Mrs. Bennet? Is your spirit in the area?

omg the slider totally moved 2 the yes answr w/ like no influence at all from me! i giggled a lil

Jeremiah: Sweet Jesus' Ghost! She answered!

i strted 2 giggle a little more n all of a sudden wuz in full guffaw! the others looked @ me.

Niki/Jess: Sylar, hon, did you move it yourself?

me!: :giggles: no! :giggles:

niki pulled out her gun n pointed it at my lil head!

me!: u no that cant hurt me! :giggles:

b4 she cud shoot me tho the spirit appeared b4 us!

Mrs. Bennet: Who dares wake me from my slumber at my eternal resting spot, half buried on the side of the highway?

sylarz: itz me mrs glasses sylarz! we r lookin 4 the location of a fello cat lady named mcwhiskers!

Mrs. Bennet: For such information, I will require one living soul.

sylarz: ok wich 1 of u guys wants 2 die?

Jeremiah: No! We cannot turn on each other so quickly. We have no such soul for you, spectral entity. What now?

Mrs. Bennet: No living soul? Then you must die!

she wuz vengeful she wanted 2 kill us n since i had 2 be a good boy i cudnt give her a living soul! flames shot from her eyes n burned my skin!

Niki/Jess: Stop her, holy man! Exorcise her!

Jeremiah: I can't! Jehovah's Witnesses is not a real religion! We have no influence with anything spiritual!

sylarz: wait she doesnt want a human spirit! i no wut she kneads!

it wuz then that i opened my mouth...n vomited out a kitten! lol didnt u kno i had the pwr 2 vomit kittens? come on now im 2 cute 2 be puking puke! gosh! newayz i handed the vomited kitten 2 mrs bennet n she calmed down. she crushed its skull with her spectral fist n added a kitten 2 her ghostly collection!

Mrs. Bennet: It is common knowledge where all cat ladies assemble. Anyone with half a brain knows this. What do cats hate more than anything?

sylarz: lack of brainz?

Niki/Jess: Life?

Jeremiah: Water!

Mrs. Bennet: Indeed, water. So, by that logic, you will be able to find McWhiskers in an underwater base off the coast of California.

Jeremiah: But...that makes no sense!

Mrs. Bennet: Doesn't it? Or does it make so much sense that you have completely lost the concept of what it is to MAKE sense?!

w/ that the bennet lady ghst disappeared! she told us were mcwhiskers wuz! n wear mcwhiskers wuz simon wud be closeby! we r making headway! soon the showdown will happen! toodles!

im a busy sylar lol!

2007-03-11T12:37:00.001-05:00

srry guys no post on THIS blog 2day i am a busy sylar lol!

but u KIN check out my post @ the burnt toast diner 2 read about my knew teams practice adventure!

or if u havent already u kin read my last post n get introduced 2 my knew henchman jeremy! newayz the real adventure 2 stop simon shud start soon! til next time! toodles!

jeremiah bartholemeau christ xvii!

2007-03-10T02:28:00.000-05:00

so in conjuction from niki/jess weve come 2 a decision! she didnt really like the choices lol n i didnt either espec since im prolly gon haf 2 spread the word of god or sumthing! nah ill prolly just kill im after lol!

newayz me niki/jess n jeremy all finly met n started 2 go ovr sum battle plans!

me!: ok jeremy wuts ur plan?

Jeremiah: Ahem. I'd prefer if you'd call me Jeremiah Bartholomeau Christ the XVII. It's the name God gave me. And if you'd prefer, you could call me Jeremiah Bartholomeau Jesus Christ the XVII.

Niki/Jess: Hey-Zeus?

Jeremiah: Indeed. The proper phonetics would be sacrilegious. Anyways, shouldn't you two be the one coming up with the plan? I mean, I'm just a henchman.

me!: us...plan? isnt that a henchmans job? thats wut i hired u for!

Niki/Jess: Well, he's too stupid, and I'm just really worried about killing people. Do you got anything?

Jeremiah: I see. Well, ironically, I do! Behold!

it wuz then that jeremy uncovered his surprize that had been sitting in the middle of the room n no1 had noticed or mentioned until now!

me!: a nukular bomb!!! awsum! this will do the job 4 sure lol! itll kill simon good n dead.

Jeremiah: No, no, no. This is not for using. It's the threat of use that will stop the Axis of Evil!

me!: but...if we used it...simon wud be dead! thats wut we want iznt it?

Niki/Jess: I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm going to have to agree with the holy man. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut from time to time, Jeremiah. I wouldn't want to rid the country of people to kill.

me!: but...if we used it...simon wud be dead! thats wut we want iznt it?

Niki/Jess: No!

me!: but...if we used it...simon wud be dead! thats wut we want iznt it?

Niki/Jess: You freakin' idiot!

it wuz then that niki/jess attacked me! she punched me n i went flyin akross the room n hit the wall. it hurt! ur not supposed 2 hit a girl man! how rude! she ran up 2 me 2 hit me again but i super mind trick subdued her stopped her in her tracks lol!

me!: that wuznt very nice! u hurt me! not just my body but my soul! i thought we were bffs! now...if i let u go will u play nice?

Niki/Jess: Yes.

so i let her go. she smiled at me...n then hit me again! i wuznt gonna look good 4 the next cheerleadin auditions omg! i mind trick through her akross the room. she got up n charged me again so i pushed her again! n she got up n charged me so i pushed her again! and again! then jeremy spoke up!

Jeremiah: People, please! The henchman is not supposed to be the most competant part of the operation! Niki, yes, Sylar is an idiot. Sylar, if we use the nuke, there will be no brains to eat. Is everyone happy?

me!: i nvr thought of it that way! thanx jeremy! u rly no how 2 tlk 2 me. not like sum peeps i no!

i stuck my tounge out @ niki/jess n she glared at me. i think we were gon knead 2 go shopping to kool each othr down! or maybe i cud give her a sponge bath. hopefully that wudnt make me sick lol.

oh well newayz we had r nukular threat now we just kneaded to find simon n mcwhiskers! til next time! toodles!

henchman auditions!

2007-03-08T12:46:00.000-05:00

ok...if we were gonna take on simon cowell i figured niki n me kneaded sum a backup. a henchman! w/ 3 of us we cud totally be like a charlies angel team!

niki wuz off doin sumthing else prolly murder (oh how i luv that about her. id want to haf her babies if i didnt like boyz so much) so it wuz all up 2 me! unfortunately it looked like i wud like haf 2 haf a stupid henchman. no not bcuz i wuz following stereotypes but bcuz wenever a smart 1 cam in i cudnt let there succulent brainz go 2 waste! i ate brainz of a sniper, black belt in martial arts, n a mad scientist b4 i made ne progress lol!

newayz ill get into the 1s who survived! i had them send in photo resumes b4 they got hear bcuz i prep stuff good like that! so the 1st person wuz a hick named Jimbo.

me!: hi! how wud u be useful as my henchman?

Jimbo: Henchman? What do that there word mean? I ain't doin' no henchin'!

me!: uh ok lol. do u kill peeps?

Jimbo: I reckon I would. Especially if there be some racial profilin' involved.

me!: we knead 2 kill simon cowell from amerikan idle!

Jimbo: Simon Cowell? American Idol? I ain't gots the TV.

me!: next!!!

so that 1 didnt go 2 well! the next lady wuz named francine. i think...she wuz a forum noob! oh no!

me!: omg hi! how wud...

Francine: Oh my gosh! You know what I think? I think you are Peter Petrelli!

me!: wut?

Francine: You know how Niki has that split personality? Maybe you killed her in the future as Peter, took her power, and became Sylar. It makes sense!!!

me!: but niki is my friend!!!

Francine: You know what else? I bet you get the power of shapeshifting and turn into Sean Bean!

me!: sean bean?? ewwwww

Francine: I wonder what "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World" really means....

me!: next!

there wuz 1 more! he wuz sum jahovas witness lol the bottom of the barrel!
Jeremiah: Hello there! My name is Jeremiah Bartholomeau Christ the XVII! How are you today?

me!: uh fine thanx 4 asking! wut makes u want 2 b my henchman?

Jeremiah: Henchman? Oh no, I think you are mistaken. I have no desire for henching. I have come here to spread the word of the Lord.

me!: omg not interested! kin u kill peeps??

Jeremiah: Are there religious ramifications involved?

me!: wut?

Jeremiah: Is the perpetrator, say, Muslim?

me!: um...he CAN be!

Jeremiah: Then I suppose I may be able to help. If you decide to join my path, and help me spread the word of God, that is.

me!: uh i dont no ill haf 2 think about that 1! thank u! we haf ur number!

so there u haf it! the audition wuz ovr. i had 3 contestants n i wuznt sure wich 1 2 go with! wut do u guys think? i guess ill decide tom! toodles!

a unholy alliance!

2007-03-07T05:19:00.000-05:00

so i just abandoned petey 2 finish off a unfinished job. wut job cud that b u ask? well stopping simon cowell of course!

i had heard that c-crest had gone rouge. i thought that that meant he wud be whereing sum prty eye makeup but apparently it means he wuz betraying simon n that wuz good enough 4 me! so i went n discretely met w/ him in my finest sunday dress. he handed me a business card n wuz off!

so i wuz totally off 2 the cave of despair lol! wen i got there it wuz kind of skerry. bats flew thru my hair n i slapped at them! brrr! i h8 bats!

newayz i kept going. i had 2 avenge urkman! he wuz counting on me!!! i new his ghost wuz smiling dwn on me, prolly eating cheese with the big guy. no not god but carl! he died of a heart attack from eating a tub of lard about a year ago. lol!

i had 2 avenge them! i reached the end of the cave n i heard a voice.

scurry voice: Sosssss you have come to kill Simonssssss have you?

hey she had a lisp! like me!

me!: um yes! is that u simon?

scurry voice: Doesssss thissss sound like a manssss voice or doessss it sound like thte voiccccce of a cat? Meow!

me!: uh i dont no simon is prty catlike lol!

it wuz then that the vile beast jumped out of the shadows! oh god wuz she ugly! i shreaked in fear and dropped 2 the ground in a ball! it wuz my catch all defense! it werked against bears bullies n ugliness! i had never scene nething that vile! she approached me and i smelt her cat breath! ewwww! i puked all ovr myself! i kneaded to tear out my eyeballs n clog my nose! she attacked scratching me with her claws! ouch! now i new wut it felt like 2 be scratched by my nails!

all of a sudden tho she stopped attacking! i wuz 2 scared 2 move i just sat there in my pool of vomit quivering in fear. i had a crippling fear of all things ugly n this...this thing wuz the ugliest i had evr scene! uglier then a redneck!

newayz after aboot 5 mins i decided 2 stand up. i saw her. the girl i wanted 2 go shopping w/ omg! it wuz niki from burnt toast! or wuz it jessica? prolly her since she had a gun in her hand n we all no how whiney n unagressive niki is lol!

i new she had pwrs but i figured we cud help each othr! plus i haf no need for strength becuz i haf soft dainty hands. i didnt knead her craziness pwr either bcuz well...i think i haf enough of that lol! it seemed that she had sum problem w/ the cat lady who werked 4 simon. we decided we wud help each othr take r oppressors out! her vengeance may not b as important as vengeance for urkman (wut cud be more important than urkman!!!!) but if she kin help me out its wrth it! espec since as long as cat lady is in the way ill nvr be able 2 reach simon wut with my weak tummy!

newayz we had formed r unholy alliance! 2gether we cud take out simon n cat lady! but...maybe we knead a henchman 2? mayb!

heartbreak n showdowns n haircuts oh my!

2007-03-06T06:35:00.000-05:00

its official. mohindy n i r no longer a item. i tried n tried 2 make it werk but he just wuznt putting the same effort into it i wuz! add that 2 the fact that he wuz a total tease by the end n i new it wuz over. hear look!

look at him whispering sweet nothings in my ear! n then did he put out? no! in fact he tried 2 kill me! i let peeps do a lot of things 2 me but trying 2 kill me totally isnt 1 of them! he had 2 pay hehehe.

so i flung him up onto the ceiling n he totally cried wen i shoved his assorted collection of sporks thru his body 2 totally keep him in place. r sporks indian utensils? i guess so. they haf them at kfc n wuts more indian than that! newayz he wuz cryin up their n i wuz hungry for brain but i didnt eat his cuz even tho i totally hated him now i still had sum feelings 4 him.

newayz! next came anuther total whiner! he wuz even worse than mohindy n mohindy wuz impaled by sporks!

emo clown: Boo hoo. Simone. Why? Death and darkness. My eyes are clouded with shadow. Or is that mascara?

while he wuz whining i jumped out of the shadows totally ambushing him like a crazy jack nickelson chasing a weiner kid thru a hedge maze! xcept i didnt haf an axe n rnt crazy n am better looking. i force pushed him against the wall n mind tricked his skull. but his skull wasnt the only thing i cut! i also trimmed his hair!

emo clown: My hair! NOOOooOOOoOOocoOOoOOOOoOO!

just as i wuz about 2 kill him i realized sumthing. i had more important matters 2 attend 2! so i sporked him 2 the wall n set up mohindys iv on him so he cudnt use his...er my pwr! looked like their wuz about 5 weaks of iv stuff 2 hold him dwn. hmm that seemed just write lol! i pulled a couple brainz out of my pocket (kept 4 emergencies) and put 1 next to emo clown n sporked the other 2 the ceiling next 2 mohindy. that shud keep them alive n kickin 4 a while!

i guess ill resume my murder about 5 weaks from now. until then i haf sum simon 2 hunt! toodles!

navigater sylar!

2007-03-05T11:59:00.000-05:00

so i wuz on the track of sum1 who cud give me a pwr so i cud fly a plane hopefully! i wuz looking 4ward 2 being pilot sylar that wud be hella cool!

newayz my totally awsum pwr of noing how things werk led me 2 the boyz bathroom. even tho im not allowed in there i went in newayz. there wuz this guy in a pilots uniform standing at the sink. success!

me!: u look hot in that uni. r u a pilot?

the man looked at me funny as i had a lustful smile on my face.

plane man: No, I'm a navigator.

i sniffed the man. yes he had a pwr!

me!: a navigater? wut made u want 2 bcome a nav? do u ever feel...special? like...a cheerleader who nails her routine?

plane man: If you'll excuse me...

as plane man went 2 leave i locked the door shut with my mind trick. he looked at me in like total fear lol! i mind tricked him into a stall n totally shoved his head in a toilet. swirlee time! i stuck my hand in the wtr w/ him n with my new pwrs of static electricity i zapped the wtr n totally gave him the swirlee of death! kinda like the kiss of death only not quite as much fun 4 me but still a good time! lol. newayz i took the brain from his lifeless corpse and feasted away. now i have the pwrs of navigation!

lol look i kin totally do all these things now! ive done the truck and soon the plane mayb 1 day a boat? who knows!

newayz, unfortunately i still didnt haf the pwr of flying so i wud haf 2 smooth talk my way onto a flight n we all no how good a smooth talker i am lol! so i put on the navs uni and rejoined mohindy who wuz quite surprised to find me wearing 1. i told him my job...zanes job...wuz that of a flight navigator n he believed me! god hes dumb. thank god hes got that ass!

newayz i tried 2 get on our flight but the lady at the door still wudnt let mohindy in. so i mind tricked her subtletly slamming her head on the desk multiple times. mohindy wuz concerned 4 her he didnt realize it wuz me who did that but i told her we shud just get on or we wud be late! wen otherz came 2 help her he agreed.

he took a seat n i went up front w/ the pilot. i had 2 b on my best behavior!

pilot: Where's Joe?

me!: I saw him in the bathroom. I think he ate some bad enchiladas. He wanted me to take over. Name's Zane. Zane Taylor. :knowing evil smile:

lol i sounded so funny talking like that but i had 2! i cudnt mind trick my way out of this 1 i had 2 haf this pilot trust me so we cud fly! newayz he did. n i used my new GPS like pwrs 2 get us 2 wear we had 2 go!

so evrything werked out! mohindy got on the plane despite his races' terrorism and maize farming i got a new pwr and we r off 2 were we knead 2 go! now the only thing left 2 worry about is simon! ill wrry about him l8r. ttyl!

time 2 move on

2007-03-04T12:58:00.000-05:00

well mohindys been gettin suspicious so we knead 2 move on. we cudnt find the fat dislexic guy who shot me n itz only a matter of time b4 they find me 4 destroying amerikan idle n showdowning with voltron simon (hmm kinda weird how i continue 2 allude authorities despite my total lack of disguise other then girly clothes)!

newayz it wuz time 2 be off 2 the airport 2 get outta here n go on 2 the next hero. hopefully it will be simon so i kin foil him n avenge urkman! i wuz worried that we wudnt be able 2 get thru security bcuz of mohindy. look how suspicious he looks!!!

now i no wut ur thinking! i am not racist or racially ignorant! just bcuz mohindys race blows up thing w/ car bombs n scalps white settlers doesnt mean i think mohindy wud do those things! if i did wud i have come so close to giving him a sponge bath? of course not silly lol!

newayz the only way we wud get thru here wud be thru my pwrs of seduction! i threw on the slutiest lookin thing i had n start usin my britney spears siren song!

it didnt werk very well lol. they tackled me n brought me 2 customs 2 slap around a lil bit (wich ironically tends 2 turn me on). wen they realized i didnt haf any weapons hidden in my body cavities (wich also turned me on lol) they let me go. i didnt haf 2 kill ne1 either yay! newayz sumhow mohindy got thru without my help 2. he asked if i cud spot him 4 the tickets this time. poor mohindy n his cab drivin career doesnt pay 2 much i guess lol!

unfortunatly 4 me, being the freeloading princess brain eating cereal killer that i wuz i didnt haf ne money either! luckily tho i sensed a pwr nearby! it seemd like sumthing that cud help! this cud be the ticket we need! pilot sylar any1? lol! ill let u no about it next time!

a amerikan showdown!

2007-03-03T01:22:00.001-05:00

this is it! it happened! the showdown 2 end all showdowns! no not my locker flingin hissy fit with whiney peter or my force pushin of mr glasses. no it wuz bigger than that! i guess i shud like backup a lil tho.

it wuz time...time 4 the votes 2 be cast! whoever wuz moving on wud b announced! dreamy c-crest took the stage.

Seacrest: OMG guys. It is time to announce who is moving on!

sylarz: omg c-crest i hope itz me! if not ill prolly have 2 kill u guys.

Seacrest: Oh, Niki, that's what I love about you. Your spunk and humorous attitude!

sylarz: omg yea ill like totally joking lol! :wink wink:

Seacrest: And the winners are...(other namez here not sylarz) not Niki!

i thought i cud handle myself. i wuz going 2 handle my defeat gracefully...until bad man simon opened his mouth

Simon: Bloody Hell, thank you! You ignorant viewers finally got one right. This woman is the ugliest thing that I have ever had the displeasure of viewing. Her five o'clock shadow burns my retinas. And her singing, my God, the singing. You sound like Britney Spears on heroin! Which, consequently, is what she sounds like these days anyways.

ok i wuz gonna let them get away with my loss but not nemore! and n sissy pwrs this time! i wuz pullin out the big guns! SUPER MIND TRICK! with a flash bang boom rafters were falling down n crushing peeps death n destruction evrywhere! i ovrloaded the audio equipment (yes sumtimes waves of brilliant ideas ovrtake me. they dont happen often though) n they xploded! fire evrywhere!

well most of the audience n crew wuz dead it wuz time 2 deal with the 3 ninjas aka fat guy old girl n simon the evildoer. all of a sudden simon stepped in front 2 protect his 2 minions. this wud be easy i thought.

but then sumthing ELSE happened! i sensed it. his pwr! he had 1 2! all the destroyed techie stuff suddenly flew towards him and he congealed into sum sort of horrible monster! n sumhow all the equipment took the form of lions!

it wuz all set 4 a monster show down. he wuz like the size of a svetlana xcept in all directions n not just wide! the voltron simon xtended his lion arms in fightin stance n i adopted my ninja mind trick style.

but b4 we cud do nething sumthing ELSE happened.

steve urkel a diehard american idol fan stepped between us!

Urkman: STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

me n simon looked at him in confusion

Urkman: How could you do this? You guys used to be friends!

Simon: No, we didn't.

sylarz: yeah hes a meanie head! but i luv u urkman!

Urkman: Well if the Big Guy taught me anything, it's that friends don't fight over things like this. It's just American Idol guys! This is nothing to lose a friend over.

Simon: American Idol is NOTHING?

with that voltron simon stepped on steve crushing every bone in his body.

Urkman: Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!

sylarz: urkman!

n then urkman uttered his final words. as he died he said this:

Urkman: Got any cheese? :dies:

sylarz: NOOOOoooOOOooOOOoOOoocooOOOOOOooO!!!!!!!!!!!!

i glared at simon w/ glare in my eyes. this time itz totally personal!

i ran up 2 him w/ speeding speed! i new exactly wut pwr 2 use! my knew one! i touched him and statically shocked his body! the current totally ran up the metal lions and like zapped simon! his hair stood up and he trembled from shockiness!

Simon: You've won this round, Sylar, but you haven't seen the last of me!

n with that fat one n old chick jumped up onto voltron simon n they blasted a whole in the ceiling. they flew out laughing evilly. even more evilly than my girlish giggle! i shook my fist at them cursing their existance

i new this wudnt be the last id see of them. i had an urkman 2 avenge. ill get u 1 day simon my knew arch nemesis!!!

my friendz! (and murder lol)

2007-03-01T13:23:00.000-05:00

so i wuz sitting in the hotel room w/ mohindy. he wuz reading notes of course. i luv the way he furrows his brow n his eyes get all intense wen he thinks hard itz like so hot omg!

i had just gotten back from my amerikan idle competition but didnt haf 2 long 2 admire mohindy! amerikan idle wuznt the real reason we were here! that wuz just the appetizer. the main coarse wuz...brainz of course lol! we had alrdy met 1 n i wuz about 2 go back n find him. mohindy wuz looking into the other guy...it wuz the fat dislexic 1 that shot me! he hurt me hes a bad man! well i guess ill be killin him soon lol. but newayz i had anuther 1 2 get first! i wuz rdy 2 leave but mohindy stopped me!

mohindy: Zane, my friend, if I could have a moment, I'd like to inquire about a recent occurrence, or rather pattern of occurrences, relating to your momentary absences. It seems that while on our trip of magnificent importance, I often find my general area to be devoid of your being. This does not necessarily cause me concern. It is merely curiosity, which though proverbially known as the death-bringer of prying felines, I find it a reasonable emotion within me. Perhaps you could appease my wonderment with a response?

mohindy had been getting suspicious! i think hes onto me n my amerikan idol dream! he certainly haz no idea about the constant coincidental murders that occur w/ each hero we meet! no its def amerikan idol hez on 2 me!

me!: nowhere i just haf 2 go outside n exfoliate my skin n maybe do my nails! y you haven't been watching fox have u?

mohindy: Ah, yes, FOX. I have heard of this noble endeavour, though I myself have yet to witness it first hand. Though it is my desire to commence observing this television station known for such epics as The Simpsons and COPS, I simply cannot. For as destiny itself, TV programs too have a beginning and end. And for this reason, I must say that I cannot fulfill my wanting of FOX until Autumn, when the programming season will begin anew. Remember, Zane, man may only begin at the beginning, unless of course there are mitigating circumstances, say a drunken blackout, which force other participants in the said activity, say Monopoly, to allow one to take a recently vacated post. However, when it comes to the fine art of TV-viewing, to realize its full potential one must absorb the entertainment from beginning to end, lest one miss out on important story arcs and happenings, leaving said viewer bewildered within the current plot, and thusly sounding rather n00bish in discussions of the show's subject matter with others, online and off.

me!: good! ill be bck in a few hours! if i come bck with red stuff all ovr me dont wrry about it itll prolly just be a nail painting mishap!

mohindy: Very well, but I beg of you to use caution in your actions. This purloiner of cerebral components seems to be on our trail, as everywhere we opt to venture, there happens a monstrous murder in the manner of mayhem with which I have become all too accustomed. Oh, and Zane...I bid you divine acceleration.

so i walked out n left the hotel. as i left the street i wuz mobbed by fans who wanted a peace of my hot body! i werked my way thru them signing autographs 2 appeaze there shrilly shreaking as i did.

using my pwr 2 c how things werk (the 1 i never use) i felt a totally broken thing in melvins fav bar (melvin is the hero we came 2 meet). so i went inside!

the bar wuz full but there wuz a lil circle of emptiness around were melvin sat at the bar. he recognized me when i sat down. he looked at me w/ the eyes of a sad panda

me!: hi melvin!!!! wuts rong?

melvin: Oh, nothing. Just that no one wants anything to do with me!

me!: y wud that be? is it ur dorky name

melvin: No, I don't think so.

me!: i think it may b. i mean ur names melvin. i laughed wen i heard it remember.

melvin: Your name's Zane!

me!: no its not silly my names sy...er i mean yes good point! so wuts the problem then.

melvin: It's my power! Whenever someone brushes against me, it happens to them!

melvin touched me. a lil electric static shocked me.

me!: ow! that hurt.

i licked my staticy hand to make it feel better and zapped my tounge! ouch! i felt bad 4 melvin. he wuz...kinda like me! shunned by the world! n all he wanted wuz 2 b special? how cud i kill this guy? id probably haf 2 b really drunk. so i kept ordering us drinks. 2 bad i forgot i couldnt get drunk.

we kept drinkin and drinkin trying 2 forget r probs. i got close 2 melvin and desided i wuznt gonna kill him. no in fact he wuz my friend! i turned 2 tell him as such only 2 find him lying in a heap in his own puke on the grnd. the hot bartended guy called 911!

i rode in the ambulance w/ my new friend melvin but he died on the way there. alcohol poisoning. whoops! i guess i need 2 remember wut pwrs i had. oh well! no use cryin over spilt brainz! n speakin of brainz no use wasting ne! i mind tricked the ambulance n flipped it ovr and super mind tricked evry1 4 good measure. no survivors lol!

i carrassed my hand aginst melvins face. i got shocked lol! oh well id miss him. with great regret i pried open his skull n ate his brain. electrical!

oh well a new pwr. only 1 hero 2 go in la n sum american idle 2 win! ttyl!

sylarz amerikan dream!

2007-02-28T05:28:00.000-05:00

so as uve prolly heard from lana n my last post i am like totally tryin out 4 amerikan idol! ive always wanted 2 b a hot young singer like kelly clarkson but just nvr had the talent! so i guess i shud start at the beginning.

if i wuz gonna try out i wuz gonna need sum hella talent! n as we all no normally im not very special but wen i steal OTHER peeps specialnesses i bcome a hyena of greatness! mayb i cud use this idea on singing? becuz i think we all no im not a very good singer lol. once at a bar i got a bottle thrown at me n it hit me in the head n i swooned! it wuz ok tho i killed that guy w/ my mind trick write after i got it!

newayz if sum1 had the pwr of singing who wud it b? obviously it wud b 1 of the best singers out theyre. 1 who wuz xperienced n hot n cud dance. 1 onces voice wuz like a sirens call that lured the astroknots of pluto! thats write im talking about britney speers! n if only i cud harness her singing pwr i cud bcome siren sylar!

lol silly artist that isnt pluto they got it all rong! newayz i found britney shaking her baby 2 sleep in her home in cali. she saw me n it wuz gonna be a showdown like no other! she saw me n bgun the battle by kissing her latina maid! i guess it wudnt be a hella showdown after all she blew it write away! hot girl on girl action wont werk on me im immune! i like boyz!

with the flash of a flashey thing i mind tricked her aginst the wall! it wuz over. not much of a battle! but b4 i cud pry her delicate skull open i realized...i like cudnt do it! i respected her 2 much. i mean wut a singer and wut a classy girl! no i cudnt kill her! but i had a btter idea.

i shaved her head and gently mind tricked her skull off. i took only the lil part of the brain i needed n ate it. i wuz still hungry but sacrifices had 2 be made for this pop goddess! i put her skull back on and alex mack-ed her skull back 2gether with my zane taylor pwr! hmm. i wundered if that lil peace of brian i ate wuz important 4 nething other than singing specialness? i axed her.

sylarz: britney. r u ok?

Oh baby, baby: Fergasa bread crumb trail led me to the wilds of Zanzibar where Obama would one day be Emperor of the Queen Mary. Do you have a fiddlestick in your teeth?

sylarz: lol! same ol britney!

Oh baby, baby: Buelmont was a very happy geoduck until one summer many moons ago the Indians were stolen by corn. Dadaer Veroicious is the beromane ofer queklain phar.

lol she sounded like mr glasses! i wunder if he had been listening 2 her music r sumthing? newayz it wuz about then she fell right down onto the floor n took a little nap! she drooled all over the floor lol. i felt like such a humanitarian like not killing sum1 4 pwrs and all!

but now i haf my power of siren song n wuz rdy 2 take on amerkan idol! the flashback part of this story iz totally over n well get back 2 the present story next time! toodles!

sylarz n the amerikan idol of doom!

2007-02-27T06:06:00.000-05:00

i hate simon! hes such a meanie! in case u didnt no im kinda competing in amerikan idol write now. i made it 2 la no thanx 2 simon but now i haf 2 preform! but unfortunately this wuznt the best time as i wuz busy hafing twinlike bonds with mr glasses!

n on top of that i wuz nervous. luckily the caterers had the meal i requested! hear i am backstage b4 i preformed!

newayz it wuz my turn 2 go out. this time i wuznt gonna take nething from simon! if he gave me 1 bad word it wuz totally mind trick time!

i went out on the stage n simon didnt even give me a chance!

"Up next...Sexy Sylar. Mind if I smoke a fag while you perform, guvnah?"

did he just...o no he dit-ent! and amidst his insult he lit up a cigarette 2 smoke! the nerve!

i wuz angry it wuz mind trick time. no more simon cowell i wud finally be doing sumthing positive 4 the world! but b4 i cud sumthing happened! it wuz a sharp pain in my tummy. i new wut it wuz. my twinlike connection 2 mr glasses wuz acting up! he wuz in pain. this wuz like that movie w/ that hot older guy where their wuz sum voodoo action going on!

darn this connection! darn this connection 2 heck! it wuz totally stopping my killing of simon! look heres wut happened!

i fell ovr in pain unable 2 finish my job! it lookd like simon wud live anuther day mr glasses'seseses pain wuz just 2 much 4 me 2 bear! i had 2 save him! but...amerikan idol. my dreamz! wut cud i do! paula and the fat 1 even said i cud perform later wen i wuznt seizuring on stage! it must be a sign! im sorry mr glasses ill come 4 u l8r. write now i haf sum idol 2 win!

prev on mmmm brains...

2007-02-26T12:44:00.000-05:00

omg anon person like totally got my song write! it is trapped in a closet! wut a song!

itz been a busy week! ever since killing bizarro sylar aka boy girl dale smither ive been lazy in my hotel room 4 a good part of it doing things like reminiscing (1 of those rare big werds u find from me) and changing my blog look.

but ive also been prty busy this week 2! ive nursed mohindy bck 2 health (n almost got sum action along the way lol!) n now were almost rdy 2 strt adventuring again! i took a trip dwn mem lane having like an awsum homecoming at burnt toast! it wuznt as good as being a cheerleader 4 a ftball homecming but it wuz still prty good. n i even competed in amerikan idol! that iz a whole nother adventure n ill get into it l8r. itz hard balancing all these things while trying 2 eat brainz! im just like 1 of the pop girls in skool with all sorts of extra cirriculars instead of dorky gabriel w/ band and choir.

but newayz now that mohindy n i r ready 2 go. sumthing haz been bothering me. u no that feeling that twins get wen 1 or the other is in trooble? well i ate a pair of twin brains a few months ago lol! i wuznt sure it wuz a pwr becuz ive never felt nething b4 but it like seems like it iz!

ive totally like formed a connection w/ mr glasses. he may h8 me n want me dead but he iz totally just hiding his feelings! he haf a connection! i even like copied my blog title 2day after him! were just playful like that.

newayz becuz of this twinlike connection ive formed w/ him...even tho we are in NO wayz twins! god 2 look that dorky wud be horrible im glad the connection didnt entail looks! newayz becuz of this connection i haf this feeling of total dread recently. i haf like the scariest feeling that sumthing bad iz gonna happen 2 mr glasses! itz like that feeling i had after i killed hank n wuz hiding in the cell w8ing 4 him to come back! only this feeling is more REAL, yo. oops my hank impression just slipped in their a lil bit lol! newayz i wish i cud help him but i think hes still in so much denial about his feelings that he may try 2 kill me if he cs me! oh n it might spoil my ruse with mohindy. sumtimes i forget im zane taylor! good thing mohindy haznt seemed 2 notice the times ive referred 2 myself as sexy sylar. i think he thought i wuz joking. wut a sense of humor i have joking about the guy who killed his papa oh i mean me!

newayz i guess mr glasses is on his own. i hope he stays safe. dont die mr glasses i cant live without u!!!!

name that tune rnd 2!

2007-02-25T12:42:00.000-05:00

sry guyz i didnt haf time to right a real post 2day. but the good news is that i haf a knew song stuck in my head so lets c if u kin get it! 4 those of u around 4 the first one the answr wuz 'summer girls' by lfo! now heres the next 1. its prty easy but its 1 of my favs! o itz so such a peace of poetry n deep in metaphors i dont even no how such a peace of literature cud be written! no cheatin n good luck!!!

Well...
Now he's staring at me like
As if he was starin in a mirror
She yells honey let me explain
He says you don’t have to go no further
I can clearly see what’s goin on
Behind my back, in my bed, in my home
Then I said wait a minute now hold on
I said mister we can work this out
She said honey don’t lose control
Tried to get him to calm down
He said ho I should’ve known
That you would go and do some bogus s*** up in my house
But the Christian in me gave you the benefit of the doubt
I said we need to resolve this
Then he stepped to me, I’m like whoa
There’s a reason I’m in this closet
He says, yeah like what, are you talkin clothes
I met this girl at the Paje's club
And she told me she didn’t have a man
Then he said man please,
I’d kill you if you didn’t have that gun in ya hand
And I said but yo chick chose me
He said don’t give me that mack s*** please
His phone goes off and then things get a little more interesting
He steps a little closer
I point my gun and says I’m not the one you after
He says somethin I bet you didn’t know my man
Did she tell you that I was a pastor
I said well good that’s betta right
Why can’t we handle this Christian-like
And I started to put the gun down
Til I saw his face still had a frown
She started cryin, sayin baby I’m sorry
Then he said baby not as sorry as you’re gonna be
I started inchin out
He says no I want you to see this
Said I gotta get out this house
He said not til I reveal my secret
I’m like what is goin on inside his head
Then he takes his phone and calls somebody up and says
Hello, Baby, turn the car around
Listen I just need for you to get right back here now (Click)
He looks at me and says well since we're all comin out the closet
I'm not about to be the only one that's broken hearted
She said what do you mean
And he said just wait and see
I said somebody betta talk to me
And then his phone rang
He picks up and somebody says sweetheart I’m downstairs
And he’s like I’ll buzz you up
I’m on the fifth floor, hurry take the stairs
And I’m like who is this mystery lady that you’re talking to
He says in time you both will know the shockin truth
Baby this is something I been wanting to get off my chest for a long, long time
Then I said, "Jigga, I'mma shoot you both if you don’t say what’s on ya mind
He said wait I hear somebody comin up the stairs
And I’m lookin' at the door
He says I think you betta sit down in the chair
I says I’m gonna count to four
1, he says mister wait
2, she says please don’t shoot
3, he says don’t shoot me
4, she screams
Then a knock at the door, the guns in my hands
He opens the door, I can't believe - it's a man

SPOILERZ (lol @ self referential humor pt 2)

2007-02-24T13:10:00.000-05:00

lol @ self referential humor! (pt1)

ok i think its time 4 me to set 1 thing strait n wut better place 2 do it than @ my blog w/ my friendz! (even u mr glasses). i no u guyz haf sum questions about sum of my pwrs espec how i xcape so quickly like wen the pudgy dislexic guy shot me or wen mr glasses shot me (i get shot a lot lol!) so heres how i do it. i haf...super speed! thats right u heard it here. super speed iz 1 of my pwrs and ive had it this hole time uve nown me!

i no u may be skeptical. wut proof do i have u ask? well its simple! i have 2 sources alrdy! 1 is me! u get it strait from the horses ass! hmm i dont think im using that fraze right lol o well. newayz, wut better source to no about me then me? i guess maybe reputable web sites that have spoilers. so ill give u those 2. that website with this truthful information is...this 1! that PROOFS me havin super speed is canon! newayz if thats not enough for u i haf a feelin another reputable srce will be backing up my claim soon!

so how did i get this pwr u may ask? omg its simple! write after i killed that nerdy brain davis i frolicked out 2 the dessert! there wuz 1 reason 2 be out there and 1 reason alone! it wuz like, tastey brainz! tastey roadrunner brains!

n i had an advantage ovr coyote! i had my super mind trick! n i used it well it got me sum tastey roadrunner brain that had eluded poor coyote 4 years. i ran 2 try out my knew pwr! i had it! i wuz like super fast lol!

but my adventure wuznt over. no. maybe this adventure wuz were mr glasses got his fantasy of killing me becuz THIS wuz r real 1st meeting n i ended up on top! thats wut (s)he said lol.

all of a sudden i heard sum1 yell "sylarz!" i saw a man at the end of the highway looking at me w angry eyes! he h8ed me from the beginning!

it wuz mr glasses! i had no idea we wud end up so close l8r. but newayz he raised his primatech gun n strted shooting at me! it wuz like time 2 try out my knew pwr so i ran!

but mr glasses oh hes such a smrt man. he had totally like thought i might be super duper fast so he strapped on his rocket-powered roller blades! gosh mr glasses u even had 2 be nerdy back then! he zoomed down the highway liek a rocket-powered nerdy glasses guy!

i like ran n ran until i reached the edge of a cliff! mr glasses wuz right on my tail shooting @ me but i had no other choice but 2 put on the breaks! i stopped right @ the edge of the cliff! poor mr glasses'ses breaks didnt werk as well!

whoops! lol. poor mr glasses. im glad he ended up ok!

that pic reminded me of anuther thing! look how ugly i wuz! that wuz still in my shadowy figure days. luckily ive found a sense of style since then! newayz im rambling. i hope u enjoyed my story of how i got my supper speed! and now u no 1 of my secrets that they dont want u 2 no lol! toodles.

nurse sylar!

2007-02-21T23:26:00.000-05:00

omg guyz! ive been busy werkin on my blog n such but now ive nurseed mohindy back 2 health! hes been sick but now hes as strong as a star quarterback that 1 day i wud hope 2 marry. and its all thanks 2 my nurse werk lol!

wut wuz rong with him u ask? well lets just say he doesnt have a strong tummy 4 violence like sylarz does! hes been puking n sweating like a svetlana in a fat camp! i think he wuz in shock or sumthing. that iz totally my diagnosis. 2 bad i haf no idea wut im talking about lol.

it all went hrrbly rong wen he saw my handywork w/ bizzaro sylar aka dale the boy girl. he cudnt handle himself n wuz stumbling all over the place like me on 3 wine coolers!!!

newayz ive been watching over him but he hasnt gotten ne better so i like had 2 do sumthing! well cing as how im actually a prty bad nurse (i wuz practicin sewing on a cut of mine once n totally lost the needle inside of it. hmmm it wuz a cut on my skull this cud like xplain a lot of things lol) i only realy new how 2 do 1 thing! n thats a sponge bath.

i got my water n sponges all rdy. mohindy wuz asleep n trembling. i unbuttoned mohindys shirt omg wut a chest he had! i started 2 undo his fly and...mohindy woke up! it wuz totally like a miracle! he wuz kinda confused by wut i wuz doing so i xplained n offered 2 give him the bath newayz. he turned me down :(

but thats ok! i totally did it! i totally nursed him back 2 health. he didnt say "ur totally my hero" wich i xpected but thats ok 2. hes back n rdy 2 go n we kin go out on adventures again! yay!

o by the way wut do u guys think of my knew look on the blog??

fello bloggers!!!

2007-02-21T08:17:00.000-05:00

hey guyz! mohindys kinda been in shock n hasnt been able 2 move all day so were kinda stuck here in this motel. i guess my silly murder did quiet a number on him lol!

newayz since i havent been able 2 have ne adventures ive been working on updating my blog! as u kin see ive listed my top 5 fav blog posts of mine. so if ur a knew reader u kin go back n check sum of my old ones. my 1st post on burnt toast is actually 1 of my favs!

but on top of that i wanna link 2 the top posts of sum of u other bloggers espec the burnt toast 1s! i haf sum ideas 4 sum of u already. the china 1 4 mr glasses (or mayb nailed?). the dale 1 for lana (lol sry 4 killing ur cousin). tongue typin 4 niki. the sylar 1 for esock. stupid people 4 muggles. the rice cooker 1 4 dl. if u guys haf a diff 1 u wud rather have let me kno and if any of u other readers haf a blog pick ur fav post and link it and ill see if i kin get u in! thanx 4 helpin me make my blog better guyz!!! n check back 2morrow 2 check out wut ive dun w/ the place! ttyl!!!

omg i just like totally killed bizarro sylar lol!

2007-02-20T09:24:00.000-05:00

ok. ive finally come 2 except it. i am a girly man! ive always thought i just had natural thoughts about liking boyz. after all dont they alwayz say that all guyz go thru a boy liking faze? i thought thatz wut wuz happening 2 me (even tho it wuz like a rly rly long faze). but ive excepted it now! im a girl in a mans body! i like playin dress up n wearing makup n shopping n cheerleading n boyz! how did i like come to this silly idea? well becuz i met n killed my bizarro sylar lol!

while i am a girl in a guyz body this ugly chick wuz totally the other way round. a girlie in a mans body! she even had a boyz name dale and a boyz job fixing cars n getting dirty (a proper girl shud never be getting her hands dirty! this iz y i use my super mind trick 2 kill peeps) seeing her fight against wut she truly wuz made me realize i wuz like totally doing the same thing!

i wundered if the 2 of us were totally mixed up in the rong body. maybe she wuz in mine and i wuz in hers! lol i totally hope not cuz she is like a lot uglier girl than me even with me being a guy. c?

yuck! i here she iz lana's relative sumhow. i hope lana isnt as manly as she! newayz wen faced with my bizarro sylar i had no choice but 2 destroy her. just like the bsb's were alwayz tryin to destroy n sync. those 2 bizarro boy bands cud not exist in the same wrld n neither cud i w/ bizarro sylar! so i killed her pretty good. my new arch-opposite wuz gone. now i kin be at piece w who i am n the wrld is in balance again! er wait...didnt me killing bizarro sylar bring the wrld OUT of balance? maybe i wuznt supposed to kill her at all. oh well i guess i took the correct action 4 being as totally evil as i am.

oh and i got nuther pwr. supper hearing or sumthing! not only did i rid the wrld of a man girl but i got specialer as i did. one bird w two stones lol! ttyl!

sylars silly fan club!

2007-02-19T00:22:00.000-05:00

lol i figured it may be a good idea 2 start a fan club! it seems theres a lot of u at the burnt toast diner r like special n i thought this wud be a good place to come together! so i had my friend justin at the primatech paper company right this form 4 u guys 2 like fill out if u wanna join! its totally awsum n totally free! so if ur interested fill this out espec if ur like special then u shud totally do it k thnx!

Name: ____________________________

Reasons you love Sylar (Check all that apply)

__ His sexiness
__ His intellect
__ His specialness
__ His love of fine cuisine
__ His writing
__ His dresses

Powers*: _________________________

Address*: ________________________

City*: ___________________________

Phone*: __________________________

Brain Flavor*: ___________________

Thank you for filling out our form!

* Optional, unless you're special. If you are, then they are mandatory. In fact, you probably shouldn't even be filling out this form unless you're special. And if you are special, you should probably just worry about the asterisked information.

i kin drink u under the table!

2007-02-18T12:09:00.000-05:00

so mohindy and i were lookin 4 this girl. suposedly she wuz special. we found a bar she usualy goes 2. we didnt realy no wut we were lookin 4. so were there mingling wen we see this lil chick.

thats her! she wuz drinkin these guys under the table! big fat guys 2! and they were all losing. no1 cud beat this lil girl i didnt even understand it. so i figured i wuz special so i cud prolly beat her. so i challenged her 2 a drinking contest n thats where we stand now. im gonna document it! ill be stickin 2 wine coolers lol

wine cooler 1 vs straight shot tequila 1

mmmm this stuff is good! i feel jus a lil buzz nothin 2 bad. n she already looks hammered! im gonna win this 4 sure. i mean shes been drinkin alrdy n this iz my 1st drink!

wine cooler 2 vs margarita 6

OMHG i vant evin beleif thi! she kint evem get hwr straw!!! kik thiz iz soooioo funie!

kik mohindy ias wstching he iz laugjing at hert! kik. lokking at him noqw he iz like sooopopooo dreamy! i hop he lieks me.

wen coiler 3 vs voka 12

uh alwkjeg ojawie woieugow laskdjfklsajdfigowg

_________________________________________________________

omg i liked passed out! i think i wuz out 4 like 3 hours. newayz wen i woke up i saw mohindy tlking 2 the girl. he wuz tellin her sumthing about the list n his fathers research. i dont no if he wuz like trying to tell her she wuz on it or just pick her up lol. i hope not the last thing that wud make me jealous! newayz mohindy wuz prty drunk so i got him a cab 2 take him back 2 the hotel. it must have been werid 4 him to sit in the BACK of 1 of those lol.

so then it wuz just me and girly alone. we wuz the only 1s left in the bar other then the bartender. the bartender wuz a prty hot guy so i didnt want 2 kill him so i asked teh girl if she wanted 2 go back 2 my place. she said no. who cud turn down such hotness????

newayz it seemed she wuz the special 1 n i had no other choice! so i like totally had 2 kill her...and the hot bartender 2 (sigh). but wen i ate her brain which totally tasted like alcohol i didnt get drunk! i like totally suceeded! i got the pwr to not get drunk or sumthing! ya! im totally gettin more special day by day!

101 wayz to cook a brain!

2007-02-16T22:55:00.000-05:00

hi guyz! latly ive been thinking about my dream! no not my dream to be special or cheer or be with mohinder but anuther dream! a dream 2 be a famous cook were i teach peeps how 2 prepare the bestest dish of all! wut u ask? i think u no. brainz of course!

i already rote a book on the subject u may have seen in profile caleled 101 wayz to eat a brain. i rote it on scraps of toilet paper that my daddy stuffed in my mouth wen i wuz a bad boy. well i think itz abut time 2 adapt my masterpeace 2 the screen!

the funny thing iz, it doesnt really matter wut u cook a brain w/ they taste good prepared ne way. raw boiled broiled fried deep fried jerked poached baked itz all good! in fact u could prolly even roll the brain round in sum shards of glass n it wud still taste great! lol ive totally dun that b4.

newayz if i had a 1st eppie id have a simple recipe. dont wanna do nething that overtakes the brainz flava! so we throw r brain in a pot.

lol doesnt that look like so yummy! wut is it u ask? well its burning sugar water lol! i guess sum peeps wud call it carmel. wut do u think were making in this yummy concocshun. its a candy apple brainz style! mmm mmm! a candy brain! shove sum kind of sharp stick in that supple brain flesh and dig in! u made a tastey treat! espec good 4 around halloween. u can trick kids in2 eating them around that time lol.

so newayz that wud be my idea 4 my 1st show. if i wuznt so busy killing peeps and becoming special i may make a show like this. so wut do u guys think? once i settle down after my adventures r dun do i have a shot w this???

calling my mom gosh!

2007-02-15T15:56:00.000-05:00

so ive been a lil down on myself recently. i realized i have no friendz! well outside of u online guyz the only peeps i have. so newayz i picked up my cell n gave my mom a call. yes even insane tranny brain eaters have moms lol!

me!: hi mom. its sylar

mom: oh hi gabe! how r u doing!

me!: moooom i told u i want to be called sylaaaar. gabe is a stupid name!

mom: oh im sorry hon im just not used 2 it! wut do u need gabe

me!: mom...i dont have ne friends.

mom: wut u mean gabe? uve told me about lots! wuteva happened to that nice family the walkeres?

me!: oh yea them. lol there uh on an expedition 2 mt everest

mom: i thought they had a young daughter?

me!: yeah...well theyre training her to be a marathon runner so thought climbing mt everest wud be good practice.

mom: oh i c. wut about that nice waitress in texas u told me about?

me!: uh yeah. she went off in search of the lost city of atlantis. i sure hope she finds it!

mom: atlantis?

me!: yup thats write! she embarked from iceland last week!

mom: oh ok. well wut about that cheerleader u mentioned?

me!: i killed her.

mom: oh gabe, not again!

lol so yea thats pretty much how it went. my mom didnt make me feel ne better but after i put down the phone mohoindy walked out of the gas station n gave me a smile! wut wuz i thinking i did haf a friend and here he wuz write in front of me! hopefully i can get along w him and not like u no kill him. it wud be nice to haf sum1 to be mine. but only time will tell!

backtrackin whoops!

2007-02-13T09:25:00.000-05:00

whoopsies! i wuz given sum false info on where zane taylor wuz. he wuznt in ny! he wuz in virginie! and i wuz just there! aaaaarch. stupid maximilian told me the wrong place! who is maximilian u ask? well he is the charlie to my angels (me). he tells me were i need to go n wut i need to do! actually i think maximilian is just a voice in my head since i have no friends. hmmm. im a sad panda.

but newayz sumhow made up maximilian directed me in the write direction of va n i found zane. he had a power to like t-1000-ize metals! now i no wut ur thinking. terminator 2? that is so NOT a chick flick. but arnold wuz real hot in it!

so zanes power seemed prty useless but oh well i hadnt eaten special people brain in like 4ever so i wasted little time in using my famed super mind trick! bam! skull pulled off yummy brain revealed. its so convenient the way i chop off heads the brain stays right in the bottom part like its a bowl lol! so i ate sum brain straight from his head and it wuz like amazing. prolly not as good as pres bush brain but still prty good!

n then sumthing totally awesum happened! a dr suresh came to the place! i think it was chandys sun and wuz totally hot! like omg! he wuz on a search 4 other special peeps n i convinced him to let me join! yay! we wud be like a crime fighting team! xcept i wud prolly be endorsing crime instead of stopping it lol.

we wud be such an amazing team! maybe i cud corrupt him lol. hmmm. hopefully he doesnt find out i killed his daddy. he may throw a hissy fit! thats wut id do. newayz were off to find more special peeps.

maybe 1 day we can end up like this, the pic below. hehe (dont wrry mohindy im just trying to make svetlana jealous. she doesnt want me to eat her brain :sadsylar: )

sylars silly cross-country adventure: last stop

2007-02-12T01:38:00.000-05:00

omg its been a wild trip! but now im in my hotel room lol. lil do they no i have no money and will be skipping on the bill and if ne1 tries to stop me they totally lose there brain!

but newayz i had a good adventure 2day. 1st of all i wuz driving thru penn. it wuz cold up here n i had stolen a convertible! so i like had 2 do something. good thing i killed some hissy girl who had the power to like, tilt the earths axis! so i like did and it totally started getting warmer! all the grass turned brown and died it wuz awesum!

i wuz driving a long time n wuz getting lonely. i saw a hitchhiker a nerdy lookin guy so i figured id pick him up! so we drove 4 a lil while, but my void of loneliness wuznt filled! so we got 2 an outlet mall n i pulled over. i went into the store and came back w/ sumthing 4 my new friend!

omg u should like totally put these on i said.

wut? he said. he wuz confused.

just put um on or ill slap u mr man! i retorted smartly.

lol. it sure wuznt mr glasses. it wuz just sum weirdo in glasses! i guess i kinda missed him. mr glasses that is. we had sum good times when he wuznt drugging me n i wuznt trying to like kill his family. o well. this geek wuznt going to fill wut mr glasses left. so i killed him n ate his brain n threw him out of the car lol.

newayz i finally got to ny state yay! i pulled into syracuse and saw a big game wuz goin on or sumthing! there were cheerleaders n stuff about! this culd b my big chance to cheer!

wen i got 2 the stadium tho i didnt see ne cheerleaders. i guess they were out on the court already. sylars a sad panda. but i did see a big fat orange guy in a suit! so i killed him and got in it. if i couldnt be in a sexy skimpy cheer outfit at least i culd cheer! so i did.

and now i rest! b4 the big day when i arrive in nyc! cant wait lol

final body count for trip: 86

sylars silly cross-country adventure pt. 5!

2007-02-10T21:59:00.000-05:00

omg i made it 2 washington our nations capital home of paul revere's midnite ride and tiananman square lol! this wuld be a good place 4 me to cause mischief. i hadnt eaten in a long time n wuz real hungry. AND i wuz in this city w/ an opportunity n i figured i better use it.

wut opportunity u ask? well its simple. ive been eating dumb hillbilly brainz and theyve been tasting pretty yucky nothing like brian davis brain which tasted awesome! so ive formulated a theory. brain tasteyness is in a positive correlation with smarts! rednecks are stupid wich = yucky brainz. brian davis wuz a big nerd = awesum brainz! and here in washington there r sum of the smartest peeps in the world. so i figured why not go 4 the smartest of them all n taste tru brain delicacy. thats right. im wuz gonna eat george bushs brain!

so i thought to myself where would r prez be in times of terrorism and natl crisis. eureka! the golf course. so i went there and there he wuz playing a quick round of 36. security wuznt even that tight since cheney wuz his golf partner and had a shotgun in his golfbag.

so i like totally walked right up 2 them n mind tricked all the secret service peeps into frozenness. cheney sumhow managed to get free tho and took a few shots w his shotgun. he killed a few agents b4 i could stop his moving 2 lol.

so there i wuz face to face w/ the big man himself. he looked @ me w/ power and confidence. i tried to pry his skull open.

but sumthing happened! he didnt have a power but sumthing wuz hindering me. it...seemed to b his sheer intelligence. we stood there staring at each other engaged in a mental battle. my super mind trick vs his immortal level of knowledge. neither of us, like made any ground on the other! and i couldnt resort to physical violence as we all kno how that turned out. so i gave up. he wuz my equal lol! i never thought i wood c the day that i met my match but it wuz like totally here! i shook his hand and he smiled his great wizdom upon me. we spected each other.

so as 2 not waste nething i mind tricked 1 of the agents that cheney shot and took his brain 4 my lunch. i still needed 2 eat gosh! not quite the delicacy i had hoped 4 but a meal newayz lol! hopefully i find sum special people brain soon that wood prolly taste as good. n ill prolly find that in ny n im almost there!

there may b 1 more stop til i get there! tty then! luv u lots!

body count for trip - 84 (if u count cheney lol)

sylars silly adventure interlude (nuther big word lol)

2007-02-10T16:09:00.000-05:00

sry guys ive been riding nonstop (trying 2 get away from the piggies) n havent had a chance to right in my blog. but now im out of brain so ill be pullin over soon. ill have a couple more stops to make til i get 2 nyc. oh! i see the washington monument! this shud be fun lol. ttyl.

sylars silly cross-country adventure 4: the chase

2007-02-08T16:09:00.000-05:00

those nashville hicks caught up w/ me in virginia! aaarch these southern states poor lil me cant catch a break! they set up a road block on the street. but silly them not only am i like special but im also totally driving a semi!

BAM! and i kin make things explode w/out even using my power, c?

lol look how scared they are! o wut a heroic lil guy. silly policeman, road blocks r 4 kids!

newayz so i drived thru their crappy lil block and then i had sum cops chasing me. it wuz about time to use my super mind trick to get rid of them but i had to figure out how. it wuz then that i saw my ray of hope!

logs! sweet beautiful logs! i passed this truck & got a lil bit ahead of it. then i jumped out of my truck (i kin do that cuz im special)! it wuz super mind trick time.

the ropes that tied the logs 2gether snapped! oh wut carnage this would cause. a silly policeman wuz behind the log truck and he wuz in sum trouble...

lol i bet that hurt! but he wuznt the only one to feel the rath of the logs!

my poor dainty hands were getting covered it blood! (metaphorically. whoa did i use a literary device lol). especially when sum of the cops avoided my logs of death! but it wuz no biggie. a mind trick here, a mind trick there and cops were smashing in2 each other and landing in2 ditches. much death and destruction! b4 i wuz dun the highway wuz quite the mess!

whoa! omg did i do that! i guess so lol. o well. the cops were all dead or couldnt get 2 me. unfortunately i didnt get 2 eat any brainz amidst all the death but sumtimes things have 2 be dun!

sumhow sum cars xcaped the carnage. i used my super mind trick to stop 1, kill the driver and push him out of the car. i wuz on my way again! thatll teach the piggies to mess w/ me lol. im back on my trip to ny!

body count for trip: 81

sylars silly cross-country adventure pt. 3!

2007-02-08T13:51:00.000-05:00

so i made it to nashville when my car ran out of gas :( i wuz 2 busy singing along 2 j timberlakes newest song to notice the diff! sumtimes i get caught up w/ him lol.

but now im stuck in this cursed city! if i wuz superman (which i pretty much am) then nashville would b my kryptonite! hicks evrywhere! and country music! ahhhh that music! i didnt kno there were songs that werent about dancing and hotness! oh this music is terrible. well if there wuz ne city that deserved a mass murder spree it wood b this 1 lol.

but there wuz 1 good thing. the opry mills mega mall! omg more shopping. 1st thing i did wuz hit up bed bath n beyond!

i picked up this nice set of lotions there! it makes my skin feel so smooth! i need all the help i kin get with this southern sun drying me up like a prune!

but i noticed sumthing. walking through the mall and even the streets of nashville these peeps didnt seem to appreciate a guy wearing lipstick w/ a dress. or maybe it wuz becuz when i came up 2 a street performer playing a banjo his music made me angry (and i wuz hungry) so i ate his playing fingers! lol i kno wut ur thinkin i eat brains right? well i wanted to try sumthing new. it didnt taste good. so i ate his brain neways. but i kind of did this in the middle of the street in broad daylight so i needed a disguise!

lol this is the kind of outfit country hicks wear right? i thought so. but i needed to get away from the eat! so where would be the last place that a tranny boy-band loving brain eater would go? the country music hall of fame lol!

i avoided the heat there but at wut price! there were hillbillies and yokels evrywhere! it wuz terrible. i didnt stay incognito 2 well becuz i killed a couple peeps just 4 there intrest in country lol! i guess im not quite the master of diguise i make myself out to be.

so i decided i needed to get out of there be4 i have to kill many police officers. i should only kill wut i need 4 food and not be wasteful. so i mind trick pushed my stolen truck (cant push it myself might break a nail) 2 the gas station and filled it up. silly gas station man thought i had to pay 4 it so i killed him 2 lol. but i didnt eat his brain i just threw it on the seat next to me so i could have a nice snack 4 the road. i cant be eating 2 many brains i might get fat!

but now im on the road again. not 2 much damage wuz done to me in that cursed city of country. hopefully i never see it again. i cant wait til i get out of these redneck states!

body count for trip: 7

sylars silly cross-country adventure pt. 2!

2007-02-07T08:36:00.000-05:00

so my trip has begun! i ran into a travelling rodeo along the highway! they seemed to think i wuz a clown just becuz i had sum lipstick on but it wuz ok i got a ride. they were heading to some city in east texas. all these cities are the same to me! i get so hot and my delicate skin gets burnt. i gotta get outta here!

but 1st i did get 2 have a lil fun despite my crocodile skin. i got 2 go 2 the rodeo! sure its not shopping but there are some hot boys riding those bulls! not enough assless-chaps though and that makes me a sad panda. more cowboys should wear that kind of stuff!

it wuz fun watching the bulls though. their rough and toughness reminded me of myself! xcept then ram and gore while i slap and bite and use mind tricks. simlar enough though! i kinda wanted to eat their brain but respected the bulls just 2 much 2 do it! lol im becoming such a softie. i guess itz just been 2 long since ive eaten a brain for power! well soon enough i should be able 2 in ny!

newayz i had a lot of fun there and said goodbye to my rodeo friendz. on the outside of the rodeo place they had this statue of a cow and on my way out i decided 2 get my pic taken on it! there wuz some bratty lil boy on it 2 and he wouldnt get off so i just used my super mind trick and ate his brian. lol. bratty kid brain doesnt taste so good but brain is brain i guess! newayz it turned out to b a pretty good pic dont u think? i know i know im not lookin my best but i cant always b!

newayz i wuz back on the road again. i realized i needed 2 change my look since the last time no1 would pick me up but rodeo dudes! i mean they were rough and tumble and that kin be hot but they really stunk like cow poo 2!

good thing i am a master of disguise! i used my cleavage generation powers, put on a new outfit i got @ the mall and completed my look with a hot wig! damn i looked good.

unfortunately as u can see, i killed a random hobo. i think it was mr esock's twin brother ishmael lol. not many cars wanted 2 picked me up seeing a dead body next to me, despite my hotness.

but wen i moved down the road away from hobo ishmael sum1 finally did. it wuz an old fat trucker and he wuznt 2 happy to see me once he realized i wuz a guy. he tried to kick me out but i really need a ride and it had been like half an hour since my last brain so...well i think u know what i did lol. i had a full belly and a nice new truck lol. and now im on my way! i wunder where ill be next time?

body count on trip: 3

sylars silly cross-country adventure pt. 1!

2007-02-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

well ive xcaped and i think u all no wut the 1st thing i did wuz. thats right i went shopping! i really had 2 i left my dresses in my cell :( oh well maybe mr glasses will decide to try em on 4 size lol!

omg i just got these new shoes! rn't they pretty?? i keep tripping as i walk down the street tho lol. oh well sacrifices have to be made 4 style. i got a pretty dress 2 but im gonna keep that a surprise from all u guys til i try it on! should be fun ;)

but now ive finished my shopping and its time to start my adventure! i have to get 2 nyc! it seems thats where the epicenter of brainz to eat are lol. but its going to be a long trip! i wunder what kind of adventures ill happen upon on my way there? wut kind of romances will i meet? wut kind of people will i kill. wut brains will be on the menu? all these questions answered & more!

right now im just walking along the road tryin to get a ride. it doesnt seem like many people wanna pick up a creepy guy in a primatech jumpsuit. i guess it doesnt help that i have little pieces of brain all over my face from the roadkill lunch i had. lol. if i cant have people brain i gotta have SOMETHING! i hadnt eaten brain in like 4ever, come on! oh well. i continue my walk across texas! hopefully my adventure has gotten xciting by tomorrow! who KNOWS where ill be by then lol! ttyl!

omg i like SOOOO tricked mr glasses!

2007-02-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

omg guess what? hanks dead! hank hasnt been posting on this blog its been me the WHOLE time! lol. do u even believe it? i bet i tricked u just like i tricked mr glasses into solace! wow solace that wuz a big word i just used!

but i dont have much time 2 chat! hes in here RIGHT NOW! omg i dont even believe it he doesnt see me!

look i just took a pic of myself on my webcam im standing right in the corner and he doesnt see me omg i dont believe it this is 2 funny!

he really thinks hank is alive and im dead under that sheet lol. i must have played a pretty good hank (ill thank my music theater skills for that). he even sent me an email 2 confide in me about his mommy whos been dead 4 years that i wuznt supposed to tell ne1 about! and here she is!

lol. what a lady! and wut a great hank i wuz. but thats all over now cuz as soon as he pulls the sheet its SUPER MIND TRICK TIME! yes! its been so long since ive gotten to use it im so excited! well...other than on hank but that doesnt really count cuz he went down like a claire bear on a star football player lol.

omg hes about 2 pull off the sheet! i cant wait to see his reaction its gonna be priceless! and when he sees me in the corner with this white thing in the back of my head, its gon be great! i can hear his NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! already.

whoop! the sheets off. thats right mr glasses its ur buddy hank lol. such sadness his eyes ive never seen it before! omg hes looking this way! ttyl.

A dream of my own demise, yo?!

2007-02-04T16:52:00.000-05:00

Waitin' for Mr. B got boring, and I decided to take a lil nap. But I was awakened with the most horrifying dream I ever had had, yo! It shook my faith as a soldier. It even made me want to get rid of my .45!

I dreamt that Sylar...woke up! He be not dead, dawg, he just be usin' some sort of Jedi mind trick! He woke up and took me for a foo', slappin' me around like a girl, yo!

And then I be dead on that table! Covered in a sheet. And Sylar lurked in that corner yo, and some weird white thing be stickin out the back of his head!

But maybe this all came 'bout cause Sylar drew on that pic of me from the Christmas party, when I'se 'tended ta be dead. ^ Yeah, that one up there at the top. Yeah dawg, that's DEFINATELY a picture of this here gangsta being a clown at the X-Mas party, DEFINATELY not a picture that the Sy guy took after he killed me...in my dream, yo.

But anyways, I think it's cause of Mr. B thinkin 'bout his mortality, too. Man, he can be such a downer! Why don't he just worry bout bein fly and worry bout dying later? I mean, it's not like he be havin' anything to worry about, no immediate dangers in his life, yo!

So yeah, man, I guess that was just a dream, not nothin' to be worried about. Nothin' can take down Hank, I'm too hard, yo! I'm going to leave the cell for now, Mr. B, so don't be alarmed if me don't see me here, homes. I definately won't be standing in any corners, yo.

- Hank

Hank's Rap

2007-02-03T16:14:00.000-05:00

I gots some free time waitin' for Mr. B to come check up on the Sy guy, so I've been writin' down some fly beats, dawg. Here they be, what ya think?

Hank's Rap

Uh, I said I'm straight up gangsta yo,
What you really want? Come on.

I gos down to 44th street to pick up some hos
I meet up with some friends that the po-po call "yos"
We hear them sirens blarin' and we yell "5-0!"
Life ain't so easy down on street forty-fo.

So I'se get that honey's number, baby she is so fly
And she won't find a more street, hardcore guy
Cause my name is Hank, and rap's what I do.
They call this "Hank's Rap" cause I'm better than you.

Oh oh. Hank's rap. Oh yeah. It's da bomb.

Chillin' at the mall buyin' fly new skirts
Them rival G's staring at me, achin' for hurt
I see the boy I like and I give him a stare
Baby be he hurtin for me, and that is clear

So I sing him Hank's rap cause that's what I do
I use it for the ladies and the fellas and dudes
There ain't been no instance where it has failed to woo.
Cause this is Hank's rap. Uh huh, yeah foo.

Oh oh. Hank's rap. Oh yeah. It's da bomb.
Oh oh. Hank's rap. Hellz yeah it's da bomb.

Mr. B is my homie but he's not really street.
But that is OK, even though he's a geek.
He's a hard player, and that's something I 'spect.
Even if I eat his brain, after force-breakin' his neck.

But that won't happen cause I'm Hank, not Sylar.
Even though that dead guy is pretty damn fly-ler.
Cause this is Hank's rap and that's all that we say.
Mr. B will live to see another day!

Oh oh. Hank's rap. Oh yeah. It's da bomb.
Oh oh. Hank's rap. Hellz yeah it's da bomb.

Big up 2 Biggie

2007-02-01T15:52:00.000-05:00

Yo homes, sittin' in this here cell with a dead Sylar has got me thinkin 'bout death, G. Death be a funny thing. I don't even wanna TRY to count all the many soldiers who done fall in the path of a .45. Too many, yo, too many. So, I be giving this Sylar post in honor to the leader of all the fallen, Biggie Smalls.

Yo Biggie, sometimes your words just hypnotize ME, yo. True, 2pac WAS hotter than you, but what the fat man lacked in looks, he made up for in heart. And heart was something he was full of, yo. His words touched me. It was Biggie's words who convinced me to be a soldier! A soldier in the trade of doctoring, yo. I'm like a medic to the fallen G's.

So why is it all us brothers kill each other? Crips and bloods. Sylars and Heroes. Drive-bys and brain eating. What is this world comin' to, yo? Why must we let so much blood spill in the streetz? This is not how it should be! Us brothers need to stick together, not spill each others' blood! It's because of that that our man Biggie hit the asphalt!

But I guess I can see why some of these G's do what they do. I mean, brains DO taste pretty good. In fact, I think me and the wifey'll be having some monkey brains for dinner tonight. Dizzamn is that stuff tastey!

But before any of ya'll go back having your meals, making love to your men...or women, pay some respect to the fallen. Pour a 40 ouncer on the curb for Biggie. And maybe a wine cooler for Sylar, cause, that is like his favorite drink, yo. RIP.

Big up 2 Biggie,
Hank

Yo dawgs!

2007-01-31T05:53:00.000-05:00

Yo, yo, yo my homies! Shout outs to the big man, MR. GL --- BENNET! I'se kinda forgot you read this blog son, so I thought I'd post a message on here. So this be Sylar posing as Hank, yo...wait no, I mean Hank posing as Sylar! Hank posing as Sylar!

You shouldn't pay attention to Sylar's last post, or his post on the Burnt Toast Diner. He made those posts before he died and he was on all SORTS of crazy drugs at that time, man. He stole my pic from the Christmas party and posted it on his blog lol...I mean, son.

And if you think that whack cat could take out ol' Hank, you are sorely mistaken! Not with my arsenal of street skills that I learned straight from the street, yo! I bust caps in all sorts of azzizles. What's Sylar gonna to do? Force push me to death? That ain't how it works in the streets, yo. And that's how we roll, son!

But we didn't have to fight it out, street style, cause Sylar just, like, dropped dead, man! I had to cover him in a sheet, because he was looking too fly and if I didn't cover up his hotness I might have lost control. But now its all good, yo!

To my homes Bennet, I'll keep a log up on Sylar's blog til you're ready to examine his hot body, yo. Hopefully, you can come check on him soon, his makeup is smudging. But if not its all good, dawg. You're the boss! I'll be around when you get here. Hehehe.

With much love to my homies,
Hank

P.S. This is not a trap.

lol @ self referential humor!

2007-01-30T10:10:00.000-05:00

so if u read my post at the burnt toast diner u kno that i killed sum dude (and no i didnt eat his brainz, i do have SUM self control lol) and am halfway on my way to xcape! but i have to wait for mr glasses to get back so i can enact my vicious revenge upon him! so i like have sum time to kill.

so i have a confession to make. all this time in this cell, in between the druggings and tests ive been on the net alot. and on here ive been thinkin about boyz i think r hot. well i have kinda a big crush on this guy.

omg, milo ur like sooooooo hot! i totally want to have his babies! too bad i have no ovaries or womb lol. but seriously ive totally been in luv with him since gilmore girls!

but the funny thing is that i ran into a guy who kinda looked like milo a lil while ago! it almost stopped me from trying to hurt him he looked so close to him! but i still threw lockers at him with my mind trick and fell off a ledge with him. we were lying on top of each other and it was almost like i was with milo! he smelled so good! if he didnt have those crispy bangs i woulda jumped his bones!

but i wuz able to control myself. i guess im not in such a lustful mood when trying to kill peeps lol. but hopefully ill get to run into him again in a less stressful situation! becuz i think it may have been milo, and if it is, then thats one person with a power whose brain i couldnt eat!

i know, like omg you never thought i would say that right? well even i make sum xceptions! like dr hank. i didnt eat his brian. but thats mostly becuz he smells. but newayz im gon do some more net surfing while waiting for mr glasses. maybe find a few more milo pics. hes so dreamy!

xcape!

2007-01-27T19:43:00.000-05:00

im bored! i cant take this stupid place anymore! mr glasses is turning down my advances, but the haitian is encouraging them! aaarch! ive had enough, i had to get out of here.

so i put devious xcape plan #2 in motion (the first 1 being pulling eden through my window. lol that wuz fun). newayz ive come to except that i cant use my powers in this lil room. so id have to use my real life fighting skillz!

first of all i banged my head on my hard table a few times. it kinda hurt lol but i totally needed to fool them guys! so i laid there with my eyes closed (no one kin resist that!) and some blood everywhere til one of those primatech paper lackeys came by. he saw me in my own blood and called someone on his radio. he opened the door and i jumped up, READY TO POUNCE!!!

so i set to attacking him. i slapped, and clawed and bit. i even broke a nail omg! the guy stood there all confused. after letting me slap him around a lil, he pulled off the jumpsuit he was wearing to reveal this:

he wuz a f-in ninja! my sissy strikes culd do him no damage. right away he shuto'ed me in the throat!

SHUTO!

newayz i culdn't breath and fell down. i wuz foiled again lol! looks like ill just have to plan my next devious xcape better, now that i no primatech is guarded by sick ninjas! but that may have just been becuz of the new drugs i'm on lol.

newayz back to myspacin and bloggin til my next xcape attempt. hopefully soon! im hungry fer brainz. toodles!

- Sylarz

incoherants

2007-01-26T15:38:00.000-05:00

lawlers. i just read my last post and boy how silly is that! those meanies really screwed with my mind thank goodness i'm back to my normal hott self. i'm not sad. im happy and full of life! well if one thing good came out of that post its those hot dancers! i wunder where i found that pic. oh well its something nice to look at at least lol.

neways, so mr glasses was moving me to a diff location in his nice building to do some diff tests when we ran across a tour group. i don't think mr glasses wanted them to see me, cuz he pulled me away from them real quick, but i wuz able to yell out "give me your supple nutritious brainz little boy!" to some kid. lol. sometimes i dont think before i talk when brainz come into the equation.

newayz we went back and got the tests done and they took me back to my cell. so i wuz perusing the net and myspace and junk when mr glasses came down to play some more mind games with me. no not the bf/gf kind, but the psychomological kind. he showed me the pic of the little boy i yelled at drew and asked wut i thought of it. here it is:

needless to say i thought it wuz great! sure he didnt quite show the detail of my eyez (prolly my best quality, all the guyz say so) but it wuz pretty cool! im glad i made such an influence on the boy. wut do u think?

- Sylarz

Coherence

2007-01-24T02:55:00.000-05:00

Two days. That's how long I had been lying on that table in my cell thanks to the drugs they'd given me. My reaction to them is surprising. It seems my mind has been divided into two sections. Internally, I'm thinking clearer than I ever have. I feel sane, a feeling I cannot remember feeling...for a long time. It feels wonderful to be able to process thoughts intelligently, but of course, the pros always have to be taken with the cons.

Externally, my insanity has taken the form of horrifying hallucinations. I have been so paralyzed by the terror of them that I haven't moved an inch. Only today did I get the courage to crawl over to my laptop and record my thoughts, for I am afraid I will either eventually return to my old self, or die from the terror of these things I am seeing.

Looking over some of my blog posts, I can not believe some of the things I've done...murder...cannibalism...cross-dressing. I can't even believe the way I talk!
This is not who I am!

Maybe I should give you some examples of the depth of insanity of "Sylar..." of me...These images are representations of the things that I have been seeing with my waking eyes. These are normally things that go on inside my head; they are part of my psych, the things that make me....tick. Take a look, and try not to vomit.

This...is the world I live in now. I do not see the small cell I have been staying in, but rather this world, full of unicorns, fairies, and rainbows. But that's not all I see...

This is the object of my lust. I cannot help it! I see them in front of me as I type this entry. It disgusts me that I could ever be attracted to...this, but here they are, flexing their hard bodies in front of me. My desire, while no longer in my mind, has materialized. I am scared.

And finally, I can picture myself...myself many years ago...in one of my first Halloween costumes.

Oh cruel fate, why must you torture me with this love of brains? The thought of it now makes me nauseous, but I know once these drugs wear off, this boy will once again return to my personality, and my addiction to brains will continue.

I do not know which is worse...having to think these thoughts for all my life, or seeing them in front of me. Come to think of it, there was only one other time when I could see things this clearly, when I could see the folly of my ways. I can see her now. Her sillouhette in the gleam of light reflecting off the dancer's chest. That was the one time I was almost...normal.

But now, I know not where my fate takes me. Maybe, the drugging will continue, and I will be able to continue my observations. Or maybe, my visions themselves will drive me a new level of insanity, one that even I have never reached before. Or maybe, the drugging will cease, and my mind will become foggy again. I know not. All I hope for now is to be able to make another post on this blog, to not descend further into insanity, or even death.

Wish me luck,
Gabriel

after party!

2007-01-22T13:58:00.000-05:00

omg! im so giddy! i just had the bestest time ever performing in my musical! evrything went so well and i even got to share a kiss w/ rufus! i think he liked it more than i did lol.

newayz, now mr glasses, haitian dude, rufus, and the rest of the cast is here at the Burnt Toast Diner. i tried to get mr glasses to bring his daughter, claire, but he wuldn't let her come, i wunder why lol.

i still cant use my mind trick for sum reason (i think its that haitian dude! why wont he talk, he almost ruined our scenes!), but its ok cuz i'm having a good time. they even had some munky brainz catered 4 me! lol. itz not human or doggie, but at least its sumthing.

this is a gr8 party, for realz. they got a karaoke machine here. rufus is singing unbreak my heart. omg itz a real pretty song, but i wunder about that man sumtimes. he seems kinda...off if u know what i mean.

neways i tried to ask mr glasses to dance w/ me but he wuldnt. the nerve! i even had my boobies out 4 him! hes a cold man to turn that down.

newayz what am i doin typing on this, the party is still goin on! i'm sure i can get a dance with haitian. ttyl!

- Sylarz

chattin with mr glasses

2007-01-21T16:47:00.000-05:00

so u prolly already know that im being held captive by mr glasses, that big meanie. usually he asks me a lot of questions but today he seemed a little diff. like he wuznt as like, confident in himself or sumthing nemore. so i noticed this and started asking him questions and we like, totally bonded!

he told me that his daughter wuz making fun of his look. i put my own 2 cents in the matter, after all who better to give advice on the topic of looking fabulous than urs truly lol! he showed me his picture from his most recent makeover. i thought he looked like a total hunk!

neways he like totally broke down about me tryin to kill his daughter. he started cryin like a lil girl and slapped me! so i slapped him back! and then we both looked at each other and laughed. oh how silly we were!

neways i tried to get closer to him but he went back to his normal serious self. if he wuz gonna be a dork i was hopin i could at least be his gal pal! but i guess not.

but on the plus side, mr glasses wants 2 study me sum more so he said i could do whatever i wanted! and i chose to put on a musical. itz happening tonight! ill report on it tom at the Burnt Toast Diner. should be fun! thanx mr glasses!

oh and one more thing. i took this quiz bout how evil i wuz (i have a lot of free time on my hands lol).

You Are 98% Evil

You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!

How Evil Are You?

lol *blushes*

song stuck in my head!

2007-01-20T21:07:00.000-05:00

so i dont have much to do in this lil room cept lust after mr glasses, plot my devious xcape, and post on blogs. but luckily i just d'loaded itunes so i kin listen to sum music now! neways ive been listening to this one song and now i cant get it out of my head. its a pretty great song! here well play a lil name that tune! can u name it? no googling you silly cheats!

Yeah..I like it when the girls stop by...in the summer
Do you remember, do your remember, when we met that summer

~Chorus:~
New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think its fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
But she's been gone since that summer...

Verse 1:
Hip Hop Marmalade Spic and Span
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see
The great Larry Bird jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cuz I can't speak baby
Somethin in your eyes went and drove me crazy
Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad
Left one day and never came back
Stayed all summer the went back home
Macaulay Culkin was in Home Alone
Fell deep in love, but now we ain't speakin
Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

~Chorus~

Verse 2:
Cherry Pez, Cold Crush, Rock, Stud, Boogie
Used to hate school, so I had to play hookie
Always been hip to the b-boy style
Known to act wild and make a girl smile
Love New Edition and the Candy Girl
Reminds me of you because you rock my world
You come from Georgia where the peaches grow
They drink lemonade and speak real slow
You love Hip Hop and Rock &Roll
Dad took off when you where 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere
I feel much better baby when you're near
You love Fun Dip and Cherry Coke
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name is Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

~Chorus~

Verse 3:
In the summertime girls got it goin on
Shake and wiggle to a Hip Hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike
Boogaloo Shrimp and Pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there, oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man, Mr. Limpit
Think about that summer, and I bug cuz I miss it
Like the color Purple, Macaroni and cheese
Ruby red slippers, and a bunch of trees
Call you up but what's the use
I like Kevin Bacon, but i hate Foot Loose
Came in the door, I said it before
I think I'm over you, but I'm really not sure
When I met you I said my name is Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

~Chorus~

Verse 4:
Summer girls come, and summer girls go
Some are worth while, and some are so so
Summer girls come, and summer girls go
Some are worth while, and some are so so
Summertime girls got it goin on
Shake and wiggle to a Hip Hop song
Summertime girls are the kind I like
I'll steal your honey, like I stole your bike

The Breakfast of Champions!

2007-01-06T12:21:00.000-05:00

Hi guys. I'm like, super bored. I just ate my breakfast, and now I have nothing to do! I'm not going shopping with my girlfriends til later, so I thought I would come on here and talk to all of you! Yay!
So I had to go out to eat, but I didn't have any food. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? So I saw this man walking his dog, and was like, time to try new things! So I chopped the little doggie's head off! OMG!!!! The man didn't like it, and he was kind of confused, I mean, since his doggie's head kind of just fell off (I used my special mind trick HIYA!), so I just chopped his head off too. Good thing I brought a little cooler to store some extra brain in. I had my lunch ready!
But I was set on trying new things for breakfast, so, like I took out the little doggie's brain, and ate it right there in the street! And OMG, it was like, SOOOO good. It was reallly small, but it was so tastey! Maybe next time I'll kill a bigger doggie. Or I could go to the zoo and try dolphin brain! They're supposed to be real smart, right? YEAH, they probably have real big, tastey brains! Maybe I can like, do that for dinner!
But, I'm getting ahead of myself. I gotta make sure I eat right. It's a good thing that doggie brain was so small, so I don't get all fat. I hope I don't get fat from all these brains. So maybe I'll skip lunch today, and eat the man's brain for dinner. I'll see what my girlfriends have to say!
Anyways, that's my post for the day! I'll be seeing you at the Burnt Toast Diner soon! Toodles!

Out of the shadows and into the street!

2007-01-04T17:56:00.000-05:00

Here I am world, my first blog! I know I've been busy repairing watches, murdering people and stealing super powers for the last year, but now sitting in this cell I have some time to talk to all my adoring fans (that Mr. Bennet is actually a very sweet man, giving me a laptop so I may post my insane babblings). Hopefully, I'll be able to munch on Hana's brain soon, then I won't even need a computer to do this! LOL!

About the Author

1983-11-28T19:40:00.000-05:00

For those of you who read my season one ending Sylar post, then yes, that man in the picture of that post was me, the author of this blog (no, not the long-haired Sputnikskyov, the normal looking one...I think). I thought, since that self-referential joke was lost on some people, I'd explain it here, as well as give you a look how "Sexy Sylar" came to be.

My name is Justin, I'm from New York (the state, not the city). I work in television, and, in large part thanks to my wonderful job, I have oodles of time on my hands!

Before "Sexy Sylar" was even invented, the inspiration for Heroes parody blogs had to come about. And that was brought about by Clayburn Griffin. You may know him as the author of Mr. Bennet's Diary, a blog I've worked in close conjunction with before. He, basically, attempted to start a Heroes empire, which has been mildly successful, as I suppose I am part of it, though Sylar has become kind of his own entity.

Clayburn is the creator of www.primatechpaper.org, which many people mistook for the Heroes 360 site, primatechpaper.com. This frustrated some users who took this site to be a malicious fraud, when it was meant as nothing more than a Heroes fan site.

During the creation of this site, however, a more succesful idea came about: Burst Toast Diner, which was comprised of many people who helped get primatechpaper.org up and running. It was meant to be a place where the characters of Heroes posted their thoughts, in comedic fashion; well, this is where Sylar came to be.

As an author on the internet, I decided to make the best use of the medium. The internet is full of bad grammar, abbreviations, and rambling nonsense. So, all I did was make Sylar an author in this medium, having him type in this commonplace internet fashion. And, while keeping him a brain-eating serial killer, of course, I gave him the personality of a typical internet user who speaks like Sylar did: a teenage girl. Thus, he was born.

And as for Sylar's future? You may have noticed I changed his style a bit this season. As the readers of this blog may know, Sylar has always been a bumbling idiot. Well, a bumbling idiot with bad grammar and low brow humor can limit options and give a guy writer's block! So, I've gotten rid of the bad grammar, as I think you guys have probably gotten the joke by now. And he's not quite AS stupid anymore, though stupidity is still a major part of his character. He is somewhat competant at things, and I think that will give him more options in storylines and make him less repetitive.

Well, that's all I have to say about Sylar! As for my other writing ventures? Well, I am also the author of the Peter on Burst Toast Diner. I don't make any posts on Peter's personal blogspot page, but there's a new Peter post every week or two on Burnt Toast. And, *spoiler*, Peter may become a series regular on Sylar's blog! Since I have so much fun writing him, people seem to like his posts, and I don't have time to make many Peter posts on top of my Sylar posts, I may add him. But since I'm going to bury this post to be the first one, and not link it to the main page, I think, if you actually find this and read it, you may be deserving of such a spoiler!